You never chased after me
by Zlorecile
Summary: In a 100 year unrequited love with her childhood friend, Zlorecile was placed in the 11th. Before she knows it she starts developing feelings for someone else as well. Scared by this, She runs away. Will he chase after her, Or will their story end there?
1. Goodbye academy days

"Zlorecile no last name" The head captain called out, his powerful voice booming among all the new recruits sitting at their graduation ceremony. They all looked relieved as the last name was called, each one of them wanted nothing more than to go celebrate their squad Placings with their friends.

I looked up dully, my long silver hair covering my eyes. I didn't care what squad I was placed in, though I had a feeling I would be placed in the tenth. I liked that captain so I didn't mind. I stood up and walked in front of the head captain, bowing as low as I could. I was just glad he could control his spiritual pressure, unlike another captain in the room.

My eyes trailed quickly to the row where all the captains sat, and more particularly at the one eyed captain of the eleventh. I forgot his name, but knew he was strong. He was hot, I'd give him that, though most people would call me crazy. His attitude wasn't my type though. It annoyed me to no end the way his reiatsu was fluctuating wildly, and the students who were sitting to close to him seemed to be near passing out. It was pathetic.

"Zlorecile!" The head captains voice and his cane banging against the floor knocked her out of my mulling. He continued to stare at me with that stern look on his face, even though his eyes were closed it scared the shit out of me.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Congratulations on your placing, now, I wou-"

"Whoa! Wait wait wait..." I interrupted him before he could begin his closing speech. He stopped and seemed to glare at me.

"Yes Zlorecile?"

"you never placed me in a squad" I reminded him. His eyes opened slightly, seeming to glare at me. "What?"

"It seems your ability to space out goes beyond what the teachers informed me of. You have been placed in the eleventh squad due to the recommendation of nearly all your teachers and several classmates. You should be pleased to be the only person besides Akihito Shoda to be placed in the eleventh this year. Any objections?"

So startled by his decision all I could do was babble incoherently. "um... no..."

I was already halfway back in my seat by the time it hit me. I was in the eleventh division? What! I looked to the captain of the eleventh, he was staring intently at me with what seemed to be a smirk. Realizing I was staring back, I rolled my eyes and turned back, waiting for the meeting to be over with so I could go back to bed. I didn't have to report to the division until the next morning anyways.

Sitting on the roof of the dormitories, it had only been an hour since the ceremony was over, yet they were completely empty. Everyone was out partying but me. I cursed, why did I have to scare away any potential friends?

"Moping like usual?" An alluring voice came from behind me. I turned and instantly my face lit up in a smile. Standing above me was Akihito. Re dish brown hair framing his face perfectly, and with a muscular six foot build, he was the envy of every girl in the seireitei. Hell, he could probably get lieutenant Matsumoto if he tried. I remembered when I first met him in the rukongai, when we were both 6 and he was an chubby little guy. Something he didn't loose until after he had entered the academy.

"Bah, me moping? What would I ever mope about?" I raised an eyebrow, sitting up as he took a seat next to me, staring out to the sunset.

"I don't know, Maybe the fact that you are in the same division as me?" He laughed, his beautiful voice filling the air and wrapping around me like a cold breeze on a hot day.

"tch, yah, thats probably the main part. Though I am still not sure why they sent me there. I mean, sure I like to fight but.. with the eleventh? Besides the lieutenant I'm the only girl there!" I rubbed my temples.

"Zlo... the only other spot they could have put ya woulda been a jail cell. Yer dangerous, and ya know it. But yah, I ain't pleased about it either. Good thing I will be there to fight off all the scoundrels who are gonna be hounding after ya." he winked, causing me to smirk.

"Shouldn't you have joined the fourth with yer girlfriend? I heard that because of your high marks in nearly every category, you got free reign on what division." I frowned thinking of his girlfriend. His prefect, beautiful, model thin blond girlfriend. She was the kind of girl I would never be. She had the one thing I would never have.

"The fourth? Some on Zlo, I mean, I love my girlfriend and all, but it ain't the right place for me. I belong on the battle field." He smiled brightly. My heart fell. So he didn't join the eleventh because of me? What had I expected? I was so stupid...

"Well, as much as I love your company, I should go. And you need to go hang out with Karie. I'm sure she's waiting for you, maybe shes wearing some sexy and in a bed all hot and bothered?" I laughed at the ideal, though it was forced. Everyone knew they had already don't things like that many times over. If she had to listen to Karie brag to her about how good he was in bed one more time, she would either punch the girl, kill he, or just throw up.

"hmm, yah, I guess I'll go do that." Akihito frowned before smiling again and standing up. "See ya latter, and thanks for the ideal, I think I know what ima get her for her graduation present. Oh yah, and I'll give yours to you tomorrow too, OK?"

With that, he shunpo'd off, leaving me behind. I immediately dropped the fake smile. I was such an idiot. I had known Akihito forever. We had been through thick and thin together, we had saved each others lives countless times. And, ever since I was 10, I had been madly in love with him. With that kindhearted, chubby boy from the rukongai. Even though he was now 20, and I was 17, nothing had changed in the way he felt about me, and nothing had changed in the way I loved him. I only wish he felt that way about me.

Sure I had dated other guys, but it wasn't the same. I watched him being fawned over, always the center of attention, with me always watching from behind the lines. Forced to sleep with the knowledge that he had rarely went to bed alone. I would be forced to sleep like that again today. It hurt. It really did.

Standing up I sighed. I needed to go to my room and sleep. I had to report to the eleventh early the next morning. I wondered If I would cry again this night.


	2. Hostility

A knock woke me at the door. Knowing who it was, I got up and walked over, swinging the door open with a drowsy expression. "Oi! Do you know what time it is! Its only like.. morning! I'm sleeping!" I growled.

Akihito stood on the other side of the doorway, staring at me with his mouth open in shock before it turned to a devious grin. "First, It's nearly nine, and we were supposed to be in the eleventh nearly 15 minutes ago.. and second..."

His eyes trailed lower and his grin grew. "I think you should go looking like that, It suits you."

I frowned, not sure what he meant, but following his gaze I looked down at my apparel, or lack thereof. I looked back up at him, slowly reaching out and closing the door with a blank face. When it shut, I let out a screech and ran to my dresser, hastily pulling out a tight blue t-shirt and gray sweats. Not even bothering to check in the mirror for how I looked, being late and embarrassed, I reopened the door and bonked him upside the head.

"You pervert, tell me sooner! And why did you wait till now to wake me up! We need to go!" I took of running, Akihito laughing so hard that tears started streaming down his face as he chased after me.

"Oi! bout time yer here! My name is Ikkaku Madarame, third seat." A bald headed man greeted us in the training grounds.

"well, at least one of the two recruits showed up." He did a once over of me before turning back to Akihito. "Nice as she looks, and no matter how much I want her to stay and watch me kick yer ass, Your girlfriend needs to leave before the guys get to excited."

My eyebrow twitched and my hand instinctively went to my Zanpakuto's hilt. Akihito stopped me though, his arm wrapping around my shoulder. "Sir, Sorry to inform you, but she ain't my girlfriend, and more importantly She-"

Ikkaku seemed to smirk at that. "Then even more so why she needs to go. If she's available then all the guys are going to think that they have a chance with her. Sorry buddy. "

I had had enough of being ignored. I Started to draw my Zanpakuto, but only had it halfway out of the belt when I was covered by a shadow. I looked up to see the captain of squad eleven, looking right at me. I froze.

"Ikkaku, These are the new recruits, both of them." The man said, his voice rough and laced with power that sent shivers through her body. There was no way he was normal. His eyes looked me over in a way that made me feel oddly exposed like never before. As if he could see into my very soul. I shivered slightly, looking away.

Ikkaku just stared with disbelief. "Captain! You can't be serious!"

Kenpachi glared. "Now don't you dare start with that whole girls are weak shit, cause they wouldn't put her in here if that was true."

Ikkaku shook his head. "It isn't that captain, the men will eat her alive. She won't last a night without being gang raped!"

"I would have to agree with Ikkaku captain, The men here can behave quite ugly." An elegant voice came from behind Ikkaku. The new arrival sported an unusual orange scarf. He looked at the two of us and a grin spread across his face."Hello, my name is Yumichika. What a good looking two you are. Quite beautiful, not as much as me of course, but in my league. I have decided that you will be my new friends in this division of brutes, it gets so taxing being the only beautiful one, I mean most of these guys have never even heard of-"

Kenpachi snorted in disbelief, cutting him off "First, Yumichika, stop boring them to deaf. As for her safety, She'll be fine."

I crossed my arms, still not liking the way they were talking about me as if I was an item or wasn;t there. Still, I had to keep my composure. I couldn't afford to get mad yet.

"Anyways, Ikkaku, you are going to be in charge of training the guy. From what I heard he got top scores in all his classes. He seems like he'll be a good addition. Tell me what rank you think he should get later today, OK? Good." He turned around, but then looked back. "I will be training the girl personally. So you there, follow me to my office."

I frowned but followed nonetheless. I glanced back at Akihito and the two ranked officers. Akihito was looking upset about something that Ikkaku was whispering in his ear. I would have to discover what it was later.

"Quit daydreaming and hurry it up will ya!" I was snapped out of my daydream by the captain once more. I reluctantly followed him to his office, wondering what I did wrong.

Once inside, I sweat dropped. It was decided, he had not done any paperwork since he became captain. There had to be at least a hundred years worth of it. I turned to him with an incredulous stare. Sure, I wasn't a neat freak, but even I had standards.

"What?" he grumbled under his breath before taking a seat on the futon, staring at me adamantly. I couldn't read his expression, but the air around him was hostile.

"What?" I countered, also grumbling.

"Why are you here?" He asked with an unemotional face.

I looked at him with curiosity. Why was I here? "How am I supposed to know?"

"Of all the squads, why did the head captain place you here?"

I shrugged. "Dunno, I mean, with all do respect, ain't that something for you to know as captain?"

"No"

The response was so sure, toneless, and yet it came of as hostile. Something was wrong. Either I was imagining things, or he did not like me. I always had a good instinct when it came to judging others, and my first impression was rarely wrong.

"Neither do I sir. The head captain placed me here personally, and I have no ideal why honestly."

"Get out." He glared.

There was that tone again, and somehow I knew he did not mean of his office. Confussion plagued my mind. He had just stood up for me staying a few minutes ago, so why was he suddenly changing his tone. "Sir?"

"Don't misunderstand what I did outside. I hate men who take personal feelings into the workplace. I don't want to be seen as a hypocrite. So leave before my personal feelings get you killed." It was then that his gaze finally turned hostile to match his voice. I shivered.

"But Sir, I don't understand. If this has to do with the fact that I am a girl, at least give me a chance to prove that I can hold a weapon as well as any guy." I half begged.

"This has nothing to do with your damn gender. If you don't remember the reason why, then you should leave before I get mad." He stood up, his figure towering over me.

"What? Sir, we have never met before I-"

"Think again."

I had met him before? Whatever I had done had pissed him off, making it so I did not really care to know. "I cant remember, But sir, if I have ever wronged you, I did not mean to."

He rolled his eyes. "Just get out out of my division. Go to the old man and request it."

"Sir, don't you have more power in that fashion?"

"Tch, usually, but the old man ain't budging on this one, So I need you to go and get out. No matter what you need to leave. Fuck him if ya need to."

Disgusted with him, I had to stop myself from retorting a reply that would only worsen my situation. "Sir, I believe I deserve to know why it is you are so against me."

He glared at me with such ferocity that I was forced to look away.

I thought he wouldn't answer, but after a few minutes of his glare never leaving my face, He spoke with an emotion almost akin to sadness. "The only person I ever respected, admired. The person I lived for. Her name was Yachiru."

That was when I knew. He was not talking about his pink haired lieutenant. He was talking about somebody else. A name we both knew well. A name from nearly 150 years ago. Someone who I had tried to erase from my mind.

I ran.

Out of the office.

Out of the division.

Past the pond

Past the tenth division

I did not stop until I was at the first division's main office, filling out paperwork for a division transfer.


	3. Captain's hall

_I ran._

_Out of the office._

_Out of the division._

_Past the pond_

_Past the tenth division_

_I did not stop until I was at the first division's main office, filling out paperwork for a division transfer._

"Eleventh division recruit Zlorecile, may I ask why you are here, and what that division transfer form is in your hand?" A voice every person in the seireitei knew rang out, filling the room with power. I shivered slightly, turning with a smile to face the head captain.

"Head captain Yamamoto," I bowed low. "I am filling out a transfer request form." I was a little shocked to see him here, I would have figured him to have better things to do than wander around the first division.

"I know what you are doing, What I want to know is why."

Confused, I looked back up and my eyes met his ever-closed ones. Sometimes I thought he was worse than the infamous Ichimaru taichou in that matter. "I wish to transfer divisions sir, the eleventh is not right for me."

I could have sworn I heard a sigh come from the head captain. He walked up to me. I respected this man greatly, even if I did not always agree with his policies, I understood them. He did what was best for soul society, even if it was morally wrong.

"Rise." He instructed. I gladly rose from my bowed position. "I wish you to take a walk with me around the courtyard if you have time."

My heart skipped a beat out of fear that I had done something wrong, but was calmed by his gentle, solemn expression. I nodded my head. Without further ado, he started walking, cane in hand.

I had always wondered about his cane. I mean, he was so powerful I doubted he needed it. So then why did he have it? Perhaps it was to give him the look of a harmless old man, though I doubted he needed to resort to such trickery to defeat an opponent. Unless someone took away his Zanpakuto, arms and legs, they would never beat him. Even then they might even find it hard. Who knew?

I shook my head, I didn't even want to think about someone capable of defeating this man.

"Zlorecile, do you know what this is?" The head captain interrupted me. I realized I had been following him without thinking. He had led me into a building that was extremely large. I had never noticed this place before, and then it hit me. He had concealed it with Kido. I wondered why.

All that was in it were statues. It filled the circular dome. The statues were of people. There were 32 in all. I recognized 22 of them. The head captain himself: Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto, Yoruichi Shihōin, Soi Fon, Rōjūrō Otoribashi, Retsu Unohana, Shinji Hirako, Ginrei Kuchiki, Byakuya Kuchiki, Love Aikawa, Sajin Komamura, Shunsui Kyōraku, Kensei Muguruma, Tōshirō Hitsugaya, Kenpachi Zaraki, Kirio Hikifune, Kirio Hikifune, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Jūshirō Ukitake, Isshin Kurosaki, Tessai Tsukabishi, Kenpachi,Kiganjo, Gin Ichimaru.

Further down there were many empty plates where it looked like more statues could be fit. I widened my eyes. The nameplates for Sasuke Aizen and Kaname Tousen were still in place, though there were no statues. It seems that they were not forgiven of their crimes. Gin Ichimaru however was there, something I found confusing. I heard he was defeated in battle like the other two were during the great winter war.

"Sir, are these all Ex-captains?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Yes. These are all the captain of the seireitei in the past. Even those who have dishonored their names still have a base, if not a statue." He wandered down to where the statue of Zaraki Kenpachi was, and looked up. I Joined him.

The statue did him justice, that was for sure, Eleven feet tall, it was built on a large scale but every detail seemed to be exact. I found it interesting though that he had long hair that was not up in bells then, nor did he wear the eye patch he was famous for. It must have been an old statue.

I wanted to ask the head captain why he took me here, but I knew better. He would explain if I gave him time. Instead I focused on the statue. He had a stoic face on instead of his usual scowl or grin.

"Not even all the captains know of this place. I do not believe I ever told captain Hitsugaya or Zaraki Kenpachi. It is a sacred place, and you are the first person to have stepped inside of it for nearly 10 years, since we had Sasuke and Tousen removed." The head captain mused."You came today wanting to switch out of the eleventh division. I have to refuse."

I forgot all about the statues for the time being and frowned something terribly. "Head captain, with all do respect I do-"

"No." he cut me off. "Let me explain Zlorecile."

Taking a deep breath I waited.

"I have not been truthful when I said that I hand picked you for the eleventh. I was actually against it." He said, causing me to raise an eyebrow.

"Do you remember how you were retrieved by a squad of 5 seated officers?"

I nodded "Well, technically Akihito was the one retrieved,"

He sighed and shook his head. "No Zlorecile. Their target was you. The soul society had received complaints from districts 60-75 about somebody by the name of Zlorecile. After much investigation and many requests to have you captured, I had them retrieve you."

My breath caught in my throat not knowing what to say. "But, Akihito..."

"That was a disguise. We did not know what kind of person you were. Out of fear of being attacked, we told the five men to retrieve Akihito Shoda. We knew by then that you had followed along. I hired Yoruichi Shihōin to do the investigation of you herself, so that it would stay confidential."

The world seemed to be spinning around me. "You mean..."

"Yes, we know everything about you Zlorecile. We were honestly frightened of the threat you posed, being what you are. We planed to lock you up in a place known as the maggots nest."

"How much do you know?" My heart beat rapidly, fear plaguing my every nerve.

"We know that you have killed several times. We know that your father was Akuma himself and your mother a captured captain. As such you are half demon, though we could not figure out how you ended up here. Your powers of seduction, and the way that through something as small as eye contact you can seduce a man to your every whim. How you do not eat normal food other than when necessary, instead you feed on the spiritual energy of others through a kiss. Somewhat like a succubus. The way you dull your hair, as the shine of it can make any man go crazy with lust. Your Zanpakuto Ak-."

"STOP!" I hollered, putting my hands over my ears. "If this is about sending me to some prison, or back to hell, or executing me, I- It isn't fair! I never did anything wrong. I have never once used my powers against innocent people except for when they are trying to hurt me or Akihito, and as for feeding, I starve myself because I hate hurting people, I have killed, its true. But it was always on accident. I didn't mean to. A-and when I do fee-"

"ENOUGH!" His powerful voice rang through the hall. "Cal down Zlorecile and let me continue."

I bit my tongue, tears threatening my eyes.

"When we met you, you were nothing like what we thought you were. You were polite, had a temper, but was otherwise normal. I couldn't bring myself to lock you up or kill you. It was four years ago. You had humanity, kindness, and a strange sorrow in your eyes. We decided to give you a chance to live a normal life.

"We were forced to inform all the captains of what you were though, so that they could decide if they wanted you in their division. Leaving out your name of course. My division, the 6th, 13th and the fourth weren't right for you, as you would not get enough action in to control your rage. The second division captain did not think you belonged there. The third division, fifth, and ninth are still without captains for the time being, with the Vice captain's filling in, so we thought that it wouldn't be too safe. With your strange powers, we could not control Kyōraku enough to put you with him. That left the eleventh and tenth. I was hesitant in this choice. I was. I thought the tenth would be best, as Hitsugaya is still young and would not be susceptible to you. But, he seemed opposed to it, as you would not fit in. That left the eleventh. Kenpachi seemed fine with it, and I had no doubt that even on the rare occasion that he would fall for you, he would be able to control you, and he has enough spiritual pressure in case you slip."

I refused to look at him. I refused to acknowledge that this was happening.

"Now Zlorecile. I also know about you and Yachiru. I know that Zaraki freaked out as soon as he received your name, however..." His gaze traveled up to the large man."Zaraki is strong. He also has a wisdom about him that most would not guess. I suppose I am keeping you in there for selfish reasons. I am going to retire soon, the winter war exhausted me. I do not have the will to continue fighting like I did a thousand years ago. I plan on having Jūshirō Ukitake take my place until his days end, which will probably be soon after mine. Then Kyōraku will take his place I do not want damage to fall the seireitei like that ever again. As such, I want strong captains. I do no like those three empty spots, as they leave loopholes for people to get around. I need strong captains. I cannot afford to waste a powerful soul just because they have nowhere to go and have to be sent off to the maggots nest or worse. You have nowhere else to go. "

I wondered where this was going.

"You are powerful. Already at third seat level. And though Zaraki and the other captain may refuse to recognize it..." He hesitated, as if he shouldn't say what he was about to reveal, but had decided to anyways."You may one day have your statue among these. If your powers advance like predicted, you WILL become like them. You may even exceed some."

I stared at him, my mouth wide. I couldn't take it all in. So I did the one thing that the captain had probably never been able to predict.

I fainted.


	4. Reapers kiss

I opened my eyes to see two faces hovering over me. The first was one in knew too well. Akihito. I blinked several times, wondering what had happened and where I was. The bed felt unnaturally rough, uncomfortable. It wasn't an infirmary bed though, for the room was to dark in shades.

"Ne, Ne, Aki-chan! She's awake! Aki-chan!" Came the high pitched voice. I looked to the second person in the room to behold a pink haired child. I sweat dropped. Why was a child in the room with me?

I noticed looked to Akihito, whose face was inches from mine. I shot up a hand to meet it and pushed it away. "What are you trying to do? Kiss me?"

Akihito's face took on a smirk and he opened his mouth to make what I could only guess would be some smart remark.

"Unless he want's to suffer the wrath of a jealous girlfriend and sleep alone tonight he won't." Rang out a voice that was entirely to sweet to be natural. The three of us all looked over to see the platinum blond beauty that could only be Karie. I sent a forced smile her way and she returned it with one that was real. She was a sweet girl, and if she wasn't going out with Akihito, then perhaps I would like her. She had everything. She came from a noble family and had a fortune at her dispense, she was a powerful healer who had already had her named learned with captain Unohana, and most importantly, she had Akihito.

Akihito walked up to her, a smirk on her face. "Ah but I don't think you could last that long without me, could you?" He teased back, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into a small kiss. I sat up and looked away, utterly disgusted.

"Eww, Ken~chan said that people like you should get a room. He said that kissing is where babies come from. Are you two gonna have a baby?"

I had all but forgotten about the pink haired child. I looked to her and let out a small chuckle. "I don't think I know you?"

She hopped up to the bed and sat on my lap, looking at me with a big grin as she rested her head in her hand. "Wow Kanashii~chan, It's kinda sad that you don't even know who your own lieutenant is isn't it?"

Kanashi~chan? Before I could ask why she had called me that, I was interrupted by Akihito.

"Yah, this is the lieutenant of squad 11, apparently she want's us to call her Yachiru. Right now you are in the squad barracks, my bed. The head captain sent for me when you fainted out of the blue."

I looked down, suddenly recalling all the previous days events. I did not want to think of it. I wanted to believe it was all a dream. Maybe it was, maybe going so long without feeding was driving me insane. Perhaps that would be best, to be locked up in a jail cell where I couldn't hurt anyone. No more killings, no more Yachiru's.

That name, it plagued my nightmares. Kenpachi Zaraki. Back then he did not have a name. Everyone just called him it, even me. It was terrible of us, terrible of me, who was more of a monster than him. I was a hypocrite and the worst kind. In fact the only person who had never called him anything like that, was Yachiru. She was gone, and it was my fault.

I looked over at the little Yachiru and smiled softly, a sad smile. I wondered how long it had taken him to find the little pink haired girl. He must have been lonely, and in pain. I knew all too well how is was to be alone. However, I had never known how lonely it was to be alone after having someone. I don't think I ever would want to. What I put the eleventh division captain threw was worse than death.

"Zlorecile, are you alright?" Akihito said gently, shaking my shoulder. I looked up, snapping out of my trance. I was looking to deeply into things. I was sure it was not as bad as my heart was telling me it was.

"I need to talk to the captain." I said, my voice near the breaking point.

Akihito and Karie opened their mouths to say something, but Yachiru came to my rescue. She bounced down, grabbed my hand and started to drag me away before anyone, including myself, could blink.

The door to the captain's office slammed open and shut so hard I wondered for a moment whether or not it would break. I shrugged it off, I had more pressing matters to deal with. One of which being the towering seven foot man standing in front of us.

In his presence, I nearly balked. I wanted to run, and not be the bearer of bad news. I would rather be in the fourth division than in the eleventh with this man. He stared down at me with cold, emotionless eyes, as if waiting for me to leave. Yachiru was bouncing next to us, her lips were moving but I could hear no words. By the way he was staring at me, I doubted he heard them whether.

My mind raced desperately for something, anything to say. How to start the conversation. How to inform him that I had utterly and completely failed in switching divisions. When no words came to mind, I got on my knees and bowed low to the floor, my forehead touching the cold wood.

"Yachiru, out."

"Ken~Chan!"

"Now"

I heard the pitter-patter of feet running out the door before it slammed once again. My heart stopped , not knowing if he was waiting for me. I spoke first. "Forgive me, I- I went to fill out the division transfer form, but the head captain stopped me, He refused my request, I- I'm sorry."

A curse rang out from his mouth and I felt him grab the color of my shihakuso, dragging me to my feet, toes, and then off the ground to face him. His face inches from mine. It was painful, but I bore with it.

"Did you try everything? Why won't he let you switch?" He demanded.

"He feels that this is the safest place for me.. He.. I don't know."

I felt a shiver go through my body at my words for some unknown reason. The large man set me back down on my feet and I looked up into hiss eyes and saw a glint of something in them. I couldn't identify what though, at least not until he smirked and leaned in, his lips centimeters from mine, making it so that his breath tickled my lips when he spoke.

"So if he were to deem you weren't safe here, he would transfer you out?"

I felt nauseous at his words, recognition growing in me. "I guess so." I braved, trying to push thoughts out of my mind. This man was a killer, fearful of being attacked I tried to discern how fast I could pull my zanpakuto out of its slot to defend myself before he had a chance to kill me. The answer was simple, not enough.

What he did next though, was far different than what I had thought he would do, and at the same time worse. He grabbed me and pulled me close, his hand in an area it should not have been. His eyes never left mine, not even as he spoke. "You're not a virgin are you?"

The question made me blush something terribly. I now saw his plan and refused to allow him to do something like _that. W_ithout thinking I lifted my arm and slapped him across the face, my naturally sharp nails caught on his eye patch though, and swept it off.

I hadn't expected what came next. As the eye patch disappeared, something else replaced it. A reiatsu, the likes of one I had only felt once before. Like the last time, I felt the same need. Before, I had ran. I had ran as far away as possible, and then gone into a shock induced state.

This time was different, I couldn't escape. The delicious aura of it was something that was begging me to try it. I stared at his lips, I could just imagine how it would feel. I needed to feed anyways, I had needed to do so for a while now. I NEEDED to.

"Surprised your still st-" The large captain had started to talk, but no longer able to help it, I cut him off, my lips meeting his.

It was as if my thoughts were swirling in confusion and bliss. The thirst in this kiss as I sucked out his rich spiritual energy. The rational part of my mind, the one my body refused to listen to, knew this was dangerous. He could surf my memories freely when I did this, but men rarely did. Usually they were focused on something else. A feeling that accompanied the kiss.

I knew it was true when I felt his hand that was still wrapped around me hold me even closer. Both of us suffering from a carnal desire not found in nature, I let go and wrapped my arms around him. He leaned me back and on to the couch behind us, his left hand intertwining with my hair, succeeding in messing it up. His right hand began to travel up my shirt. Our tongues mixed in a sinful dance as neither of us stopped for breath, somehow we managed to keep going. He ground into me, and I pressed against him. Reiatsu fluctuating wildly. I felt that if I fed forever of this guy, then he would still never run out.

"Later" I heard him growl against my lips. I realized someone had knocked on the door but didn't pay any mind to it, at least not until I heard my name being called out by a very familiar voice.

"Z-Zlorecile..." He called out again, and my eyes trailed just enough to see Akihito standing in the doorway.

It had never happened before, I had never felt the urge to stop feeding. It was as if all the desire from earlier was gone. With a great amount of effort I managed to get the captain to stop kissing and groping me. He looked down at me with a shocked expression, as if he was unsure what had happened and how it had happened. I looked at Akihito, who was still staring at me with a shocked expression, and something else I couldn't read. Desperately, I kneed the captain in the stomach. He probably barely felt it, but he got off of me and along with Akihito, just continued staring dumbstruck a me. I looked wide eyed at the man I loved and stood up.

"Akihito... This isn't what you think!"

Glossary:

Kanashi: sorrow or sad.


	5. Is this the truth?

"Akihito... This isn't what you think!"

Akihito turned around. It was then that I noticed a large blue gift bag in his hand. His knuckles grasping the handle they had turned white. My heart stopped. I knew him well enough to know he was furious with me. I didn't understand it all, but I knew I had to make him.. not mad at me.

I took a step forward, but at the same time he spun back around to face me. His bright eyes narrowed. "You disappoint me Zlorecile..." He then threw the bag against the wall with so much force I heard something in it break, before turning and with a shunpo disappearing.

I would rather he slapped me. The words stung my heart. I looked at the bag, then to where he had stood before taking of. I started to shunpo after him when someone grabbed my arm and stopped me. I spun around to face captain Zaraki. This time it was my turn to narrow my eyes at him.

"You need to ex-"

"Leto go of me!" I demanded, using all my strength in an effort to tear out of his grip. He ended up letting go of me as I shunpo'd off.

It took me a while but I finally located him, he was with Karie. I sighed, not knowing if I interrupted, but not wanting to eavesdrop. I turned to go when I heard his voice carry over.

"-Is just a slut, I bet she fucks him on a daily basis. I mean, she isn't even that pretty. Her hair's ugly and her eyes? I mean, there just creepy! I don't like her, I really am only nice to her because I ha-"

I put my hands over my ears, I had expected such words to come from someone like Karie, but they weren't. This was Akihito talking, and in my gut I had a sick feeling it was about me. With anger, and overwhelming sadness I turned and started to walk away, nowhere in particular, just to escape.

I took my time walking, wallowing in self pity. I knew it was pathetic, but didn't care. I found myself in the first division, and leaned against a wall. It was dark now, and I was exhausted. I knew the captain hadn't given me a place to sleep, and as such I wasn't expecting one. I had just closed my eyes, not wanting to think of what all had happened, when a voice broke the silence.

"You should be in bed Zlorecile." The head captain said. I opened my eyes to see him passing by, his eyes never opened and his gait never slowed. I still couldn't figure out what he was doing with the cane, since he never seemed to use it.

However, seeing him seemed to strengthen my resolve. I did need to get up and go back. I needed to ignore the captain and Zaraki, and I needed to train to become stronger. I couldn't afford to wallow like this. I didn't have the time.

Standing up, I brushed off my clothes and headed back. I walked with a confident gate up to the captains headquarters and knocked on the door. "Recruit Zlorecile no last name, requesting an audience Sir."

after a few minutes of silence the door finally opened, revealing a very unhappy captain. "You, What do you want."

"Sir, you have yet to inform me of where I am going to stay, or where I should shower. "

"What? You think your special? You shower and sleep with the rest of the division." He rolled his eyes like I was stupid and turned to close the door. My foot caught it.

"But sir, I am a girl."

He growled and spun around. "So? You are the one who insisted you stay in this division. Face the consequences. Maybe getting trained might help that personality of yours."

I removed my foot and just stared at him. "Sir you ca-"

The door slammed in my face. I knocked again, no response. Sighing and wondering just what "trained" meant, I walked over to the bathhouse. It was nearly midnight anyways, SO I doubted anyone would be in there. Pulling a spare uniform out of my bag, which I had stashed in a tree, I entered the bathhouse and bathed quickly, thanking the heavens that nobody was around.

I stepped out, now I only had one problem left, where to sleep. I smirked, if he wanted to be that way, then fine. He would soon learn I could fend for myself just fine.

Climbing up onto the roof of the barracks, I snuggled down. The cold air caressed my body, but I was long since used to the cold. I wondered if Akihito was beneath me right now. If he was thinking of me. If her really hated me. I wanted to believe it was just anger that caused him to rant, but his words had been said with such conviction. It hurt.


	6. Pathetic dog

"Where were you last night?" A husky voice interrupted my training session. It was dawn, and I had hardly slept a wink last night. The reason was this voice. Forcing a smile to cover the fact I was gritting my teeth, I turned to face Akihito.

"I was asleep." I said before turning back to my training. Akihito didn't appreciate the way I was ignoring him, for he caught my arm and stopped me. I sighed and tried to pull away. He didn't let me.

"Zlorecile, where did you sleep?" He asked again. I opened my mouth to sneer at him, angry and hurt over his words from the other day, and confused by the concern in his eyes. However, a tall man beat me too it.

The captain approached behind me and we both tensed. "She slept with m-"

"Him!" I interrupted, pointing to the captain. I knew he was going to say 'With my men', but if I knew that Akihito would get angry with me. If I told him I slept on the roof his reaction would be worse. Well actually I didn't know anymore. Although his concern was very clear in his voice, his hatred was also very clear the previous day. I had planned on coming up with some excuse, but now I didn't.

"I slept in his room." I snarled, once again trying to tear out of his grasp. I opened my mouth for a silent gasp as he tightened his grip and glared,

"What did you ju-"

"You heard me." I interrupted him, glancing at the captain who had a quizzical face. I looked back down, trying not to cry. He kept staring at me with the same old angry, shocked expression.

"Why are you looking at me like that? You said so yourself that I probably 'Fuck him on a daily basis' right?" I felt the grip on my arm lessen and his eyes widen even more. I took a little pleasure in that. I turned away. "Though it is surprising I can get someone like him with my ugly hair and creepy eyes." I finished, repeating the exact words he had spoken about me. With a huff I sheathed my sword and shunpo'd off, leaving behind me two shocked men. I would have to apologize to the captain for using him like that.

I found myself wandering the seireitei for the third time that day. I hated this, I hated the truth. I hadn't cried about it, about what Akihito had said about me, but that was largely because it had not registered in my mind yet. I was still in denial. I needed to train, and do so efficiently. Wandering around the seireitei was doing me no good.

"Kanashi cha~n!" I heard the nickname being called out and my first instinct was to duck. When I felt the two little feet on my shoulders I knew I was too late.

"Yes lieutenant?" I said in defeat. She plopped down on my shoulder and I just kept walking.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Walking"

"Where to?"

"Haven't decided yet."

"Oh..."

"Yah."

We kept walking and for the first time the little girl was quiet. "Why are you here?" I asked, breaking the silence and the rythem of the girls feel swinging against my chest.

Yachiru took a deep breath, frowning. "Kenny was mad, so I left to do something else."

"Why didn't you go find the pretty boy or baldy?"

"They were stopping someone from attacking kenny."

"Who is stupid enough to attack him?"

"Akihito"

I stopped midstep and Yachiru hopped off. I spun to face her. "Why was akihito trying to attack him?" Panic rose in me and without waiting for her to tell me, I started to sprint back. The little girl at my heels.

"Well, Akihito was mad at Kenny, said something about stealing something, Then kenny said he could F word anyone he wanted and she had the same free will, then Akihito drew his sword and Kenny said he wasn't going to fight his new seventh seat. Then Akihito said that Kenny was just toying with her, and to that Kenny said that it doesn't matter since Akihito thinks she's so ugly. Then Kenny drew his sword too and the two idiots ste-"

I didn't listen to any more. If they had fought I was pretty sure that Akihito was dead or near. I cursed, this was my entire fault. I didn't know why Akihito was reacting this way, but he was. I could work out the technicalities later. I burst through the captain's door seconds later.

"Where is he!"I yelled, panting slightly. Zaraki was sitting at his desk, his head propped up on his hand. He looked up lazily as I marched up to his desk and slammed my hands on him. "Where the fuck is he? What did you do! I swear if you harmed him I- I- I'll … I will kill you or die trying!" I half yelled, half stuttered.

The captain sat back with a smirk. "What does it matter to you, you spoke like you hated him earlier, even though it's obvious he li-."

"With all due respect _captain, _I am well aware that he doesn't like me. But I certainly do not hate him. I do notappreciate you jumping to conclusion!" My eyes narrowed despite the fact I was having a hard time breathing under the spiritual pressure of this guy.

"Why?" A voice from behind me rang out. At first I thought it was the captain before me and prepared to lash out at him. Then I realized it wasn't. My eyes widened and I spun around.

I set eyes on Akihito and my felt immediate relief. There wasn't a scratch on him. But my relief was almost immediately replaced with shame. Nodding a quick and absent goodbye to the captain, I looked away and headed towards the door, eager to escape such a place. I could hear footprints behind me as I walked away and did my best to ignore them. I walked for a good ten minutes before I finally stopped and spun around, looking into Akihito's face.

We were now in the meadow near the ninth division with nobody around. I sighed and waited for him to say something. After a couple minutes of staring into each other's eyes and no words being spoken, I decided to break the silence with a simple question. "Why are you following me?"

It almost seemed to catch Akihito off guard and he put on a face that said he was thinking about it. Then a small frown spread across his face. "Zlorecile…" He started, as if stalling for time. I would have none of it.

I put a hand up. "Akihito. I don't want apologies. Frankly, I hate liars second most in this world. And now I have no choice than to see you as nothing but a liar. Our friendship was nothing but fake to you. One. Big. Lie. So I don't want to hear any more ok? No more lies. You're not sorry, you never would have said it if you were." I turned away, leaning against a nearby tree. I felt hands wrap around me.

"Zlorecile…" He argued back. I pulled out of his arms, noticing he tightened his hold but let go eventually and let me step away. I turned back to face him.

"Won't you listen to me at least? You misu-" He was cut off as I put a finger to his lips with a small smile.

"No. You had your time to talk. You had all the time in the world these past… what was it? 200? 250 odd years we have been together? You had plenty of time to talk. You kept secrets from me. I kept secrets from you. We were together out of convenience. Those nights we spent together were out of a desire to quench our loneliness. Bit here in the soul society…" I sighed but didn't give him enough time to argue. "Here in the soul society… we both have new friends. You have your girlfriend, and nearly all of your classmates, and the members of the eleventh division. And I have…"

I found myself trailing off, realizing that I was still a loner. I shook my head. "Akihito, we don't need each other anymore." The words almost stuck in my throat. I was lying. He was the one who didn't need me. I needed him though, so badly. I couldn't imagine life without him in it. But this was the way things were supposed to be.

"Is that what you really think?" I hear Akihito's voice crack. "That I was your friend out of desperation? That all I ever felt for you was… I mean… that all we had was a mutual need to have someone nearby?" His deep eyes stared into my soul.

"Zlorecile, are you serious? You can't be! You mean to tell me that all this fucking time I was absolutely nothing to you?" I heard his voice rise slowly. "You are so selfish! All you ever care about is yourself. Have you ever actually given thought to how I feel? Have you?"

"Oh well forgive me for not realizing how much you hate me before! I thought I was atuned to your feelings. I thought it was all simple. I thought you were my best friend, that you were in love with Karie and that you were happy that way! Excuse me for having no way of knowing the hell I was putting you through!" My temper was now rising too. I was stunned at the audacity of this man.

"Hate you? Why the hell do you think I _hate _you? You don't even know! You understand nothing. You have always thought you were too good for everyone else! Maybe if you smiled around others, maybe if you didn't avoid and glare at anyone who went your way, you wouldn't be such a fucking looser! I am the only one who could get through to you, who could put up with your damn loner attitude .You feed me bullshit about not needing me anymore but you are wrong. You DO need me. You always did and always will!" He shouted with his face inches from mine.

His words stung. Looser, loner, too great for everyone else. "You really don't know me at all do you? Well I may have put you through hell… But, ever since I followed you to this place, I have been living hell. You know, you could have at least told me how you feel before I chased you here. Perhaps it would hurt less then. But maybe it wouldn't have mattered. That's how pathetic I am. I'm like a stray dog, chasing after its master, oblivious that it has long been abandoned." I turned around to leave.

"Zlorecile w-wait I didn-"

. "Well… I will see you around seventh seat Akihito…" I cut him off. I then smiled and shunpo away without any other thoughts, leaving him alone in the meadow.

I


	7. Inhuman

~2 weeks later~

~Dream~

"Zlorecile? What's wrong?"

"Mommy! "

"I met someone today… He's different from the rest of the bums around here."

"Who? Who? Who? Is he a new arrival?"

"No, he has been around for a while…"

"Then what's his name?"

"He doesn't have one."

"Mom! You don't mean that scary man with the spiritual energy do you?"

"Yes honey."

"But mom! He'll kill you if you get near him."

"No he won't"

"How do you know?"

"Cause you will be the one to do that deed Zlorecile… You will kill mommy."

~End dream~

I jolted awake in a heavy sweat. Putting my heat in my hands I shook it vigorously. It was just a dream, and yet the voice had sounded so real. _Her_ voice. Soft like a mothers should be, and yet holding wisdom beyond her years. It was too much. I wiped some sweat off of my brow and stood up. That past was gone, and thinking of it would do nothing for me.

I was once again atop the roof of the eleventh division. It was still dark out and the moon was still visible. I guessed it was around 4 in the morning, but I could be wrong. Looking around, a cold breeze picked up and reminded me that winter was almost here and I was going to have to find another place to stay. It wasn't something I was looking forward to.

I sighed and walked toward the training grounds. Immediately I began swinging my sword around needlessly. I had been training early in the morning, as I knew that when the captain woke up I would not have the opportunity. He seemed to love making a sport of torturing me. It was better than killing me at least, which is what he had every right to do. So absorbed in my thoughts and fighting invisible hollow, my ears almost missed the loud sniffling coming from the side. I froze, about to yell at whomever it was for disturbing me. But I froze when I saw who it was.

The pink haired lieutenant was standing to the side. Her nose was running and at first I thought she was crying. Then I realized her face was normal and that the runny nose must have been because of the cold weather. I sighed and sheathing my Zanpakuto walked over to her. "Lieutenant, Why are you out so early?"

She looked up with a blank stare. "Cause I had planned to go fishing but Byakuya ran out of fish." She said blankly. I just looked at her, wondering if she had been dreaming or if she was really stealing the captain of the sixths fish. I decided I didn't want to know.

With a small sigh I took a seat next to the small girl. "So you normally get up at five in the morning?"

"It's four thirty."

"ok then do you normally get up at "

It was weird, talking to the lieutenant as an equal. She seemed to be my only friend around here. Akihito avoided me, Kenpachi hated me, the third and fifth seat just ignored me, and the rest of the guys just slapped my ass and then got pummeled into the wall by Yachiru. I hadn't talked to Akihito since the day in the forest. He had been promoted once more to 6th seat.

I kept on wishing, praying he would come find me and tell me that I had misheard. That he was talking about someone else and it was all a misunderstanding. But this wasn't some story where everything worked out fine. This was real life. I knew he wasn't coming back. I knew I should hate him for deceiving me. But I didn't. I loved him still. It was funny; I always thought that love was something you could throw away, that you could fall out of in one day. But it turned out it wasn't… It wasn't…

So there I sat for nearly three hours chatting with the lieutenant about everything from steamed buns to possible love interests. This little girl, who served as a painful reminder of my past, was turning out to be my only friend. I had to laugh at the irony behind it. I honestly didn't want it to end. But it did. The end came in the form of an officer of the stealth forces appeared behind us. He knelt and I only sighed. Yachiru didn't seem to like that.

"Come back later. We're busy."

"F-forgive me lieutenant, I have a message for Zlorecile no last name of the eleventh division!" The man said, louder than necessary.

I only sighed and decided I would save the man from the little girl's wrath. "Yes?"

"The head captain has requested you in his office immediately."

"Very well." I gulped at his words. He left and I looked over to Yachiru. "I suppose I should go see what he wants…"

When I entered the head captain's office, I was both surprised and worried to see captain kurotsuchi there. His reputation had not escaped me. I swallowed hard and bowed lowly.

"You may rise." Came the command from the lips of the head captain. I did so but made sure not to meet the eyes of the clown captain. He made me more nervous than the eleventh division captain. Something that was hard to do.

"When was the last time you fed?" The question came from the captain of the twelfth. I looked at him with wide eyes, not liking this one bit. I looked to the head captain, who only nodded an ok. It reassured me slightly, as I trusted him. I looked at the ground.

"Four days…"

"And what is the longest you have ever gone without such a supplement?"

"A week …" I admitted. I was fearful I had done something wrong. I didn't want to get in trouble, but I couldn't help the impulses. I looked at the ground, nervous as ever. And at the mention of feeding I felt a small thirst rise in me. I forced it back down. I couldn't think of that now.

A long silence followed before the captain of 12th spoke. "Would you like to feed."

My ears perked up, expecting a sick joke. I clenched my fist. "Forgive me captain, but I am not sure I understand what you mean by that."

"Stupid girl! I am asking whether or not you would like to feed right now!" I realized that this captain seemed to lack patience.

"Calm yourself kurotsuchi." The head captain finally intervened. I was almost surprised when kurotsuchi obeyed. I thanked the stars for my luck. "Bring him in."

I cursed them a second later as I saw someone being wheeled in on a chair. Not only was he in a chair, but he was strapped in. My bad feeling had been proven right. I should have run when I came here. The man was wheeled right up to me. His face was not ugly, but not to the standards of the ninth division captain. He wore white robes with a thick bracelet on his arm. I flinched as kurotsuchi approached me.

"We would like to study more about creatures such as you, just in case more appear. The most deadly thing to us right now is lack of knowledge. It is what brought upon the disaster with Aizen and tousin and gin. To prevent more of these crisis' from happening we need to find out what weaknesses you may have, and I have asked Captain Kurotsuchi to help me with such. I want you to come here every day at 8 o'clock for the next week." The head captain continued. I put a bad taste in my mouth to be referred to as if I wasn't normal: As a creature. I supposed they were right though. I may be half shinigami… but the other half of me was something not even I know about.

"Shall we begin?" the masked captain interrupted my thoughts, now holding a clipboard and staring intently, he looked like a little boy who had found a new toy. A very creepy little boy. I sighed. It seemed I had no choice in this matter. I was lucky they were letting me live. I nodded my head reluctantly.

"What sort of symptoms do you have?"

"Excuse me?"

"Symptoms you simple girl: Sweating or increased heart rate or dilated pupils and the like!"

I blinked. How the fuck was I supposed to know if my pupils were dilated? "I don't feel any different from normal."

"Very good. Now I want you to lean over the man. Yes, Just like that."

"Why me…."

"What was that girl?"

"...nothing…"


	8. An angel on top

The grave was a sad excuse for a grave. It was nothing more than a block of wood sticking out of the mud on the hill. No name to tell who it was that was buried there. Only a single pink carnation was there to indicate that. The meaning of the flower was something I held dear: I'll never forget you. The carnation was being battered by the rain, and so was I. It was almost midnight. I had been sitting besides the grave for the past few hours. The last month had seemed like a year. I had made enemies with my captain, been discovered by the head captain, had experiments conducted on me by the twelfth, and lost my only friend in the world only to have made a new unexpected one with the same name that haunts my past. I let out a loud sigh.

"Mom… Remember how I promised that as soon as I had enough money I would buy you a better grave? I may be able to sometime soon now that I am in the soul society. I promise to get you a pretty one, with a big angel on top. You'd like that huh? The Irony of it." I smiled softly, looking at the grave. I had long since cried all the tears I had on this grave, and yet more always seemed to want to come. They wouldn't this day though. I bit my bottom lip.

"I found him for you." I said softly after a long silence passed. "The one with no name. I found him and you wouldn't believe where. The seireitei, in the eleventh division. He's a captain now, as strong as ever. He still doesn't eat his vegetables, and still lies around all day. You would be ashamed if you saw him."

I chuckled softly. "And Akihito... he lost all that weight. He is probably one of the cutest guys in all of the seireitei now. But I am sorry. I know you always told me that we should get married… I know you made me promise to never let him go, to love him endlessly the way you loved HIM…" I sniffed a little.

"But.. I can't keep that promise. I did everything I could… I swear. I loved him. I love him. But... It wasn't meant to be. He has moved on. The girl he chose is nice though. She is just what you always wished I would be: Kind, gentle, and a healer. She is filthy rich too, a noble. So I am sure she will make him happy." Running a hand through my soaking wet hair, I sighed. I knew I should get to bed. But I couldn't.

I stared at the grave. All this time, I still wasn't able to leave it. I visited it frequently. Sometimes every day, sometimes once a month. I hadn't visited it since I had graduated though. I still couldn't get over it. I was still unable to move on. After all this time. I slammed my fist against the ground, mud splashing up and into my face. "Dammit all! This isn't right. I stand here before you mom, and it isn't right. I keep waiting, wanting someone to tell me it wasn't my fault! But they won't. Not even Akihito! And why? Because that would be a lie. Because it WAS my fault. There was no accident. It wasn't close to murder, it WAS murder. And… and I thought by now I would have received some kind of peace. I thought that after 200 years I would have recovered, that I would have come to terms with it by now. But I haven't. I still feel that this is so wrong! I can't even ask you if you ever forgave me! What the fuck am I supposed to do when just being here; I know that your death wasn't supposed to be… I... mom… I'm still so sorry." I cried out, but no tears came.

Anger, regret, sorrow. I let it all out in shouts. It was late and there was probably nobody nearby. So I shouted. Something that had always made me feel better when I was younger. I shouted towards the seireitei. I shouted my apologies, my regrets, my pain. I could have kept it up until I lost my voice, but footsteps behind me made me freeze mid-scream and turn around. My heart almost stopped at what I saw. I couldn't believe I had been so preoccupied to notice. I widened my eyes and didn't know how to react.

"Zlorecile It's the end of fall and near midnight. You wanna get a cold?" Came the gruff voice that could not be mistaken for anyone other than Kenpachi Zaraki, captain of squad eleven. My captain. Not knowing what else to do, I bowed politely.

"Captain… How long were you listening?" I couldn't help but ask. My heart and mind fearing the answer. I had a feeling that if it was more than a couple minutes that he would kill me where I stood. Hell, I couldn't help but feel that he would kill me anyways. He had the right to, but that didn't mean I wanted him to. I didn't exactly fear death, but I didn't wanna die if I could help it. The biggest hint to the time was that his clothes were as fully soaked as mine.

"About an hour." The answer was worse than what I had expected. "Yeah, I heard it all."

I bit my bottom lip hard. Rising, I turned around to flee to the roof of the barracks. A rough hand reached out and grabbed my bare arm, gripping it hard and making it impossible to pull away. I widened my eyes and looked back at the captain.

"C-captain!" I stuttered, feeling tremendous fear. I didn't know what would happen to me. This man could kill me right here and dispose of my body. Nobody would ever find out. He could bury me by my mom and that would be the end of it. I gulped.

"Don't stare at me like that. I just want to talk to you about some things." He said, his voice low. The rain running along his chest and face. He looked almost like a demon himself as he stood there, looking down at me from his towering height. I was out of options. I nodded my head in agreement.

"But not here." He continued. "I don't want Yachiru to overhear us." She said, motioning to the grave. I solomly nodded in understanding, still afraid he would strike me down at any time without any warning.


	9. Not unwilling

I sat in the captain's office. Both of us had showered and dressed. Kenpachi in a night yukata, and me in a simple blue nightgown with trim that matched my silver hair. In my hands was a cup of hot chocolate. I took varying sips from it, never taking my eyes off the captain. We had been sitting like that for a good five minutes, just staring each other down. I refused to start the conversation though. He finally sighed, his large shoulders heaving.

"Where have you been sleeping?" He asked, catching me offguard. That wasn't what I had been expecting. I raised an eyebrow as if waiting for the catch. None came.

"On the roof." I admitted. Lying to this guy didn't seem like the brightest of ideals when you are alone with him at one o'clock in the morning.

"Winter is coming, what will you do then?"

"Dunno. Find a tree." I half joked. He only depend his frown but said nothing more on the subject.

"And showers?"

"Late at night or early in the morning. So far the guys haven't seemed smart enough to figure out when I bathe so I am in the clear."

"I see."

Getting a little annoyed with what I sensed was staling; I decided to just be brave. "Captain… What exactly did you call me in for?"

"We need to talk about some things."

I felt my eye twitch. "Like? If I am not mistaken I do believe that we have covered all the basics. You hate me, I understand that but can't switch out, so we avoid each other as much as possible and you pretend I don't exist." I stated rather matter-o-factly.

Kenpachi growled, and I had to refrain from wincing back. I may seem tough to everyone else, but I knew when someone could cleave me in half… and when someone very likely would.

"Listen here girl. You're right. It would probably bring me some great pleasure to ram my blade into that pale little skin of yours but… The head captain seems to think you have some potential. Now, I need some answers and you are going to give them." He leaned forward, putting down his cup. Swallowing hard I held onto mine.

"Y-yes…" I asked.

"The other day. In my office. What was that?" He asked, staring into my eyes. I was unable to look away despite the fact that I felt as if he was looking into my soul.

"I… It was just a whim you looked hot for a seco-" I started to lamely lie but was cut off by a growl and his hand reaching out and encircling my neck. It was a strong grip and barely left enough room to breathe. His eyes were narrowed dangerously, his gaze threatening.

"Don't try to lie to me."

I nodded. "Ok, Ok... just let go." He did so and I rubbed my neck, glaring back at him. "You should know. Hasn't the head captain told you everything?"

"Tch, all that geezer told me was that you sucked energy outta people. That hardly explained the kiss and those feelings."

"I…" Stuttering, I looked down, not knowing if I should continue.

"You what? Tell me how this happens. If you don't I'll just kill ya right now."

I didn't doubt what he said for a minute. I took a sip of my hot chocolate and then set it down. I put my head down, allowing some of its wet silver strands to cover my face. "I can eat regular food, and it will give me energy. Enough to last a while. But I need another source or I will slowly waste away into madness. At least that is what I have here, I have never been able to see for myself..."

"How does it work? That feeding shit?"

"If I connect through a kiss or.. Other things…" A slight blush covered my face. "Then I can absorb the energy of the man I am with. "

"Men? What about women?"

"It doesn't work that way. Only men. I can suck out some of their spiritual energy. It will drain them sometimes, sometimes till death."

"And that feeling that came with it? And the memories?"

"That's just part of it. I don't really know. The feeling is a defense mechanism. It is made to get the male addicted."

"And you?"

"And me…"

"What about the memories? When you kissed me I saw a few bits and pieces of stuff. I saw a clip of you on a porch with Yachiru behind you, brushing your hair. I saw you and Akihito playing in the river. Naked might I add." He stated. The way that he said it, as if it was no different from telling the weather made me blush.

"That can come too. I never worried about it cause usually…"

"The guy is too distracted to notice am I right?"

I nodded my head. I didn't like this conversation and for the first time in I didn't know when, I felt embarrassed to the point of being queasy. I was thankful for my long silver hair, as I was sure my cheeks were a shade of deep red.

"How often do you have to feed?"

"Depends… Longest I have lasted was a week and a half. To be comfortable I should feed every day though."

"Then why dontcha?"

I shrugged. "Well the supply for one. Can't exactly suck energy out of the same guy every day without killing him unless he's captain level. Even then it can have negative effects. If I went around using a dozen different guys it would attract attention." I said, leaving out the fact that it was also because I disliked hurting people.

"I see…" Was all he said. I looked at the ground, chewing on my lip. Just as I was wondering if we were done though, Zaraki spoke up once more.

"What you said at the grave." I visibly tensed. "At Yachiru's grave. I never found out how she died exactly. All I know is th-"

"I killed her." I cut him off. "I killed my own damn mom. Happy now that I have said it? That's what you wanted right?"

"Shut up!" He snarled, forcing me to obey. "I want to know how."

I shook my head. "I told you."

"I want specifics."

"Too bad." I said. This seemed to make him mad. He reached out for my throat again, but stopped when he saw that I had no reaction.

"Tch, whatever. I will get it from you eventually. Now as a captain, I can't let you sleep outside and shower with guys…" He rolled his eyes; something made me think that it wasn't him who came up with this.

"I am fine how I am sir."

"No yer not. Winter is coming and I think some of the men are starting to figure out your shower schedule, think I saw some guys peeping though."

My mouth hung open for a second and I fiddled with the hem of the nightgown. "Oh…"

"Yeah. So you are not sleeping outside any longer." The finality in his voice almost made me feel like a little kid in comparison.

"Will I be getting my own room because I hate to break it to you but I really am against sleeping in the barracks.."

"YA think I'm stupid?" HE asked. I took it as a rhetorical question and wisely chose not to answer. "Yer moving in with Yachiru."

My mouth hung open. I didn't argue but just stared at him.

"But until we manage to fix her room to a livable condition and install another bed, you will be sleeping in my room." He stated.

I stood up. "C-captain! That's highly inappropriate. I mean, I am a girl and you are a guy and um.. um…" My face was now exposed in all its crimson glory. "C-cant I sleep with Yumichika?"

That seemed to get a small smirk from the captain. "Yumichika would never let someone sleep with him besides Ikakku. Finicky sissy he is. Therefore it's my room. Don't worry I wouldn't touch someone like you anyways." He said as he stood up.

"Follow me." He ordered. Reluctantly I stood up and I knew there would be no argument.


	10. Nonexistant sex

Bleak, blank, and oddly clean. That was the easiest way to describe Kenpachi Zaraki's room. A single bed-bigger than any I had ever seen before-, and a dresser with a mirror on top was all that could really be found. I could tell that he didn't have much need for luxuries. Subconsciously, without permission, my eyes kept darting to the bed.

"Stop looking like that. It's pissing me off." A growl came from the looming figure behind me. I swallowed herd and turned around to look at him. He just shrugged and walked over to the bed, plopping himself down. I staid standing where I was, unmoving and not daring to say a word.

"Its one thirty in the fucking morning, I am sleeping. So shut the hell up and go to bed." He growled despite the fact that I hadn't said anything. He turned over to face the wall and I was amazed the bed didn't break under his intimidating form or spiritual pressure. I looked around, unsure of what to do and highly uncomfortable.

Looking at the captain, it seemed he was asleep. Planning to skip out and go back to the roof, I was stopped by a rumble. "Doesn't even fucking think about it?" Zaraki said, putting a stop to my plans. I sighed in defeat and instead walked to the opposite side of the room, curling up against the wall.

Despite the fact that I was in the presence of someone who would very likely murder me, I found sleep came easily. Perhaps it was because I knew enough about this man to know that he would never attack someone while his back was turned.

When I awoke the next day, the room was lit with a golden. I bolted upwards, almost checking to see if I was still alive. Once I had reassured myself that I wasn't missing any body parts, I stood up and looked around. My captain was gone (Thank the heavens) and he had left on a single lamp for me to see. His curtains were drawn. Unable to fight the inedible: one more day. I walked to the bed. On it laid my bag of stuff. He must have had someone retrieve it. I put a finger to my mouth, wondering why he was acting weird. He wasn't being nice, but he wasn't being as threatening as before. I ran a hand through my hair, tousling it like I always did when upset.

I dug through my bag and noticed that my clothes weren't there. They were all dirty so logic told me that they must be in the laundry room. Not wanting to walk to the laundry room looking weird, I moved to the dresser and looked for a brush.

I happened to notice my reflection in the mirror. Silver hair with a slight tint of blue; Pale green eyes that were wide, and Light pink lips. All on skin that rivaled a sheet of paper. I was often told I was beautiful. I didn't know it was true or not. I used to stare in the mirror, looking at my reflection carefully and trying to decide if I was pretty or not. It seemed like a mundane task, but I couldn't figure it out. I thought I was pretty, but that was me. I didn't know if it was because I was so used to my face that it looked good to me now or what. I never seemed to be able to look at it from another person's point of view. I used to ask Akihito and he would just give me some answer that I found entirely too cheesy. Telling me I was beautiful. He said I was silly for thinking I wasn't. He also said that the reason for my beauty was because of my demon side. HE said demons had to be beautiful to ensnare their prey. It was then that I stopped wishing to be beautiful.

Looking closely now, I noticed that my hair was messy and my robe disturbed. If someone saw me right now it would probably look like me and the captain had had a rough night. The thought actually made me smile, showing white teeth with a slight point to them. Not enough to notice unless you looked carefully though. For that I was glad. I took my robe and pulled it down a little more, exposing the peaks of my breast. I also loosened it so that it showed more of my legs. I pulled the right side up a little. Next I moved my hair to one side and jutted out my lips to make them look swollen. I laughed hard at the image of myself.

Just then someone knocked on the door. Without thinking I went and opened it. Akihito was standing there."Zlorecile?" He blinked and looked me over from head to toe.

I bowed slightly, "Sixth seat Akihito." I greeted, fighting emotions that threatened to spill at the sight of him. I remained bowed, waiting for him to wave me up. Well… until I noticed that by doing so with my robe already pulled down, I was giving him a good view. Freezing, my cheeks burned red and my mind raced, things clicking together. I swallowed and stood up quickly with a yelp and reached over, slamming the door in his face.

Several seconds later I had readjusted my robes, my hair was put back right-though still disheveled- and my lips no longer jutting out and looking swollen. I reopened the door, feeling a need to explain myself. "A-Akihito this…" I stopped myself.

I was no longer attached to him. I owed him nothing. What right did strangers have to explain their personal life to another? "How can I help you...?" I corrected myself.

"I was looking for the captain, the soutaichou wanted to see him…" He said.

"Oh he left before I woke up..." I said before mentally kicking myself in the ass. I was only making things worse.

"Zlorecile… Are you really… I mean…." Akihito started and trailed off.

"What?" I asked, all formalities temporarily forgotten.

"Zlorecile are you and the captain, do you have that kind of relationship?"

I wondered if I should lie and say yes, just to garnish his reaction. It wouldn't be fair to the captain though. "No Akihito. I needed a place to stay. He said I couldn't sleep on the roof anymore and dragged me back here. I slept on the floor. Besides that one kiss you walked in on, he has never touched me."

"Oh…" Akihito mumbled. I had a feeling he didn't believe me. I sighed.

"Look Akihito. I don't care if you believe me or not. I was sleeping up on the roof. It was raining, and winter is coming. He said I couldn't do that anymore, hell, I think he was ordered by the soutaichou. He also said that I couldn't bathe in the bathhouse with the guy anymore as some of them were getting smart and learning my schedule. That is all there is to it I swear." I was getting sick of it all and found my patience wearing thin.

Akihito looked up with a relieved sigh. "I'm glad he-" He stopped and furrowed his eyebrows. "Wait, you were sleeping up on the roof? And showering in the regular bathhouse? This whole time" HE waited for my nod before he glared and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Zlorecile! Why didn't you tell me! I have my own room as a 6th seat! You could have stayed with me. I could have gotten Ikakku-san to let you use his shower or something."

I swallowed. This conversation was getting to friendly again. If I let it continue I knew I would end up missing the old days. "With all due respect seventh seat Akihito, it would be extremely inappropriate for me to sleep in your room. You are a male and have a girlfriend."

His face seemed to drop along with my heart. "OF course.. Sorry to bother you…" He turned to go.

Just as he was leaving another figure appeared. Ikakku. He came trotting over in all his bald glory. He put a hand around Akihito in a friendly way, raising an eyebrow as to why I was in the captain's room. It was pushed to the back of his mind as he looked back at Akihito with a large grin. "Akihito my man! Congratulations on your engagement! Ya nailed that sexy blonde babe! A noble too. Can't believe her family agreed to let her marry. I think it's so that she can become the head of the clan but jeesh!"

My eyes grew wide. "W-wedding?"

"Yeah! He's getting married in one month to this day! Apparently this little bugger wants a snowy wedding to make us all freeze." Ikakku laughed. "Well I got to get back to Yumichika but congrats!"

With that Ikakku left as swiftly as he came, leaving me staring into the eyes of Akihito, who was not looking at me.


	11. His turn

It was odd. I felt as if my very being was being ripped apart, and it became a chore to breath or even smile. And yet, as I stared into his eyes I felt almost at peace. I knew it was probably shock but I would take advantage of it for now. I forced a small smile that probably looked rather convincing. I placed a hand on Akihito's shoulder. "Congratulations Akihito. You deserve her." I closed my eyes for a few separate reasons, mostly to block out that look on his face. He looked almost guilty. "Congratulations…" I whispered it this time. With that I turned to leave. Akihito didn't move to stop her and I was eager to get away before this shock went away.

I walked down the hall slowly, ignoring the looks and cat calls that the men of the eleventh division shot my way. My heart was breaking, but it was doing so slowly. What surprised me most was that as I walked, I didn't cry. Not a single tear was shed from my eyes. My feet wandered on their own, a blank look in my eyes. As if I was in denial. My first stop the laundry room where I changed into some more appropriate clothes. A simple outfit of a blue tank top and baggy sweats. I grabbed a jacket that was two sizes to big just in case.

Then I wandered out of the dorms. I knew where I was heading. I was going to my mom's grave. I needed to tell her the news, to ask her what I should do.

I walked out of the soul society, not caring that I hadn't asked permission. I didn't care. I walked up the hill and almost made it to my mom's grave. But as I came close to it, I stumbled once. It was all it took, I fell down and didn't bother bringing my hands up to meet my face. I couldn't decipher how I felt. Numb perhaps. Heartbroken. Happy almost, and yet so sad. The dirt, muddy from the night before smeared on my face. I didn't get up or even blink until I had heard a familiar voice.

"I miss ya," Came the captain, Zaraki Kenpachi's brash voice. I thought he was talking to me until I turned my eyes and didn't see him. I pushed myself up and looked through the grass, weeds, and bushes. I widened my eyes ever so slightly. Zaraki was standing over my mother's grave. His face was tough, angry and hard to read as always. I swallowed, knowing I shouldn't be hearing this, listening to him talk to her. And yet I couldn't pry my eyes off of it. Perhaps it was the distraction; perhaps it was revenge for the previous day. I didn't know, but I didn't care about morals right then.

"That girl, yer damn adopted daughter came to join my squad. The idiot…" He spoke lowly. "She reminds me of you. The damn bitch."

HE shook his head. "Yeah yeah, I know I ain't supposed to use that language but I will. She is just like you and it pisses me off. She may not look like ya much, but her attitude is the same. Tough on the outside, and yet she seems way too soft. Her eyes carry that same look, that's what gets me the most. I hate lookin' at her. Ta make it worse she is having trouble with that kid, that Akihito one. Pisses me off to watch it; Makes me wanna kill him. But I won't."

I couldn't tear away from it now. The big figure sat down next to the cross and looked over the seireitei. "I hate her. And yet I don't. Confusing, worthless emotions. I know she is sorry for killing you. Hell, I don't even know if she really killed you. She won't tell me. I will get it from her eventually."

"I know you want me to forgive her. But how can I? Fuck, this just confuses me the most. Pisses me the fuck of! And her damn powers are another thing all together! I don't know what the hell she did but I can't stop thinking about that kiss. Yeah, she kissed me. I feel kinda sick about it; Like I cheated on ya with yer own daughter. What makes it sick is that just looking at her, I wanna do it again." With this he let out a small chuckle. "Yeah I know what you would say to that. You guys had what? A ten year difference wasn't it? She looked about 8 or 9, you 18. You would say it wasn't too much. Kind of weird to think of it like that. Damn, I hate my spiritual energy. I haven't aged at all these past 100 years. Zlorecile grew up though. Damn did she grow up. Ya should see the way my men hound after her. Hell, they would probably kill to kiss her. HAH! They'd kill themselves to kiss her once they discovered what it felt like. " I looked away at this. I felt bad for listening to this, and at the same time odd. I didn't even know why. But it was distracting me from Akihito. I absorbed it with interest.

"Her powers. I wish you would have explained them to me. I know ya knew about them. What she did to me I don't know. Makes me wanna fucking kill her. Now I can't even kiss any other girls. Cause all I think of is that feeling. It wasn't normal."

Now I felt a little guilty.

"But yeah… I just wanted to let ya know how everything is going down. I need yer advice though. Should I kill her, fuck her, or both?" He laughed his chest rumbling with it. "Oh god I can just imagine the disapproving glance yer sending my way. Sorry but you know me." We sat in silence for a long minute that turned into several. That was before I heard the pitter of raindrops. It was raining just like the day before. The irony made me shake my head. Kenpachi didn't move though, he just sat in the rain.

I stood up and took of my jacket. I saw his stiffen as I approached. He knew it was me, he must have. Who else would visit this grave anyways. I raised the jacket and put it over his head, blocking it from the rain. "Captain, It's the end of fall. You wanna get a cold?" I growled, impersonating him from earlier. I double checked, making sure that the jacket was covering his entire head. I turned to go bit before I did I made sure I finished repeating what he had said to me. "How long have I been listening? About an hour. Yeah, I heard it all."

I turned around to go back to the dorms. But just like before, his hand reached out to grab my arm. I looked back with curiosity. He looked into my eyes for a long minute. His eyes full of curiosity, and his eyes lingering on the mud on my face before letting go of my arm. I started to walk back again. "The head captain wanted to see you."

I disappeared in a shunpo.


	12. Ironic sadness

When I got back to the barracks, I found myself in the captain's room. It was odd. I hated him, I hated his room, and yet here I was, standing in it as if it was my own. It was something I now realized; that having a place to return to was something special. Even though his room was not my own, it was special. Secure. And right now, this room was a place for me to come out of my shock.

I didn't lock the door, but I made sure it was shut tight. I sat on the floor in the same spot as yesterday. I wished I had the brains to buy a blanket, but obviously I didn't. So there I lay, shivering slightly but otherwise comfortable. In shock and denial over the pending wedding, my heart still ached With Physical pain. It wasn't the first time I had felt this way, nor was it the last. But it was one of the worse. Possibly the very worse. I placed a gentle hand over my heart, as if wishing for it to be still. It wasn't. Not even as an hour passed. Or hat I supposed was an hour. Time seemed to be moving slow.

Closing my eyes as the door opened, I steadied my shaky breathing and pretended to be asleep. I could tell who it was. Even if I had no spiritual sensing abilities, when confronted with one as strong as this, even you felt it. Kenpachi Zaraki. My heartbeat increased as he walked close to me. I was scared of him and of what he could do.

Nothing apparently. Nothing came. I slowly opened my eyes just enough to see his shadow on the wall behind me. I swallowed. The jacket was still on his head. He took it off and threw it to the side. I was glad that he at least kept it on. HE stood there for a few minutes before moving.

"Tch, lazy ass. God, Can't believe the old man wants me to do that." He mumbled as he walked back out the door. As soon as the door closed I sat up and looked at it with confusion. I shrugged it off. I had spent enough time mourning over Akihito. Right now I needed to report to the captain and see if he needed anything done. Nobody ever seemed to order me around-asides from the guys and their smartass remarks- so I honestly had no duties. Luckily today everyone was gathering in the courtyard for an announcement on rankings.

I walked over to my back, and was amused to find that all my clothes were back in it. I took out a shihakusho. I rarely wore them because I found them inconvenient to fight in. But I didn't want the captain to have anything to get mad at me for. I looked in the mirror and with a large clip I gathered my hair and pinned it to the back of my head. It was messy, silver strands hanging down at random. It made me look more like a jungle woman than a shinigami. Perhaps it would make the men of the eleventh division step down.

As I walked out to the yard, I realized that my plan had failed. A chorus of whistles ensued. It was funny. When these men were alone they never were so cheeky. But put them together, and all of a sudden they were the bravest perverts out there. I noticed that Akihito was not in line. I swallowed. Usually he kept some of the guys off of me. I told myself it was because it was his duty as 6th seat, but at the same time wished otherwise. I was such a confusing girl.

I took my spot in line with the other recruits. We were arranged in five rows. The first row held seats 3-9th (with the exception of ikkaku and Yumichika who were always standing besides the captain and lieutenant.) The second row held seats 10-120th and the last three rows held the recruits who were to be slowly weeded out. I was in the third row. In the middle too. I stared intently at the ground. Men besides me, behind me, and in front of me. I hated being in formation more than anything, and it was worse when Akihito wasn't there. The captain and his four most powerful members had yet to show. People were starting to relax now. This was bad for me.

"Hey" A rough voice came from my left. I ignored it and continued to stare at the ground. "hey!" He said again a little louder.

"You ignoring my friend here? That's pretty rude." The one to my right called out. I tried to hold back my anger. I hated men.

"I think the little bitch is. She must think that just cause she's the only girl here she gets special treatment." A guy from behind me said.

"Oh should we show you what special treatment you can get here?" The one to the left whispered in my ear. The one on my right reached out to place an arm around my shoulder.

I glared at the ground. "Take your arm off of me." I warned. They laughed. I got a tick mark on my forehead.

"Aww so cold to us. C'mon, I think we should get you used to a man's touch." The man whose mouth was close to my ear whispered. I noticed that almost every eye was on me. I fought to retain my embarrassment and anger.

It was lost as soon as the whispering man reached out and grabbed my ass.

"You wanna die?" I asked darkly glaring at him. I saw him gulp a little but otherwise remain like that, he grappled harder.

Before he saw what happened, my fist was in his face and he flew forward, crashing into the wall and creating a pie of dust around him.

I didn't give time for the other one to react. I grabbed the wrist of the hand that was around me with my right hand. With no emotion on my face I took my other arm and sneaked it behind his head. I ducked behind his arm and then with my hand on his neck and one on his wrist, I shoved his head down and raised my knee up to meet it. I heard his arm pop, though I knew not what exactly I did or how much harm. I let go then and he fell to the ground, clutching his broken nose with his good arm and screaming and cursing from the pain. "Fucking bitch! You fucking dislocated my shoulder! You ruined my face! You are going to pay for that you fu-"

He was cut of as I placed a foot on the back of his head and shoved it into the ground to shut him up. It was then that the captain walked into the field. Ignoring the man under my foot I stood at attention-or as well at attention as I could with a man under my foot. He didn't seem to recognize anything wrong for a minute as he stood at the front with the lieutenant on his shoulder and the fifth and third seat at his sides. I swallowed, hoping that they would just announce and leave. It wasn't my lucky day.

The captain's eyes met mine and then looked to the left and right of me, noticing nobody there. He walked over slowly. I looked down at the ground. He stepped up beside me.

"The fuck?" He mumbled looking at the figure besides me. "What the fuck! Do you mind telling me why you are standing on my member?"

I slowly stepped off of him. "Ano… well…." I stuttered, not wanting to tell him the whole truth out of embarrassment.

"Well?" he growled.

It was then that the man on the ground seemed to come to life. He stood up, gripping his dislocated shoulder with pain in his eyes. "I'll tell you what happened captain! The fucking bitch caught me by surprise and beat me into the ground for nothing! I did nothing and sh-"

"Shutup." The captain said, instantly making the man go quiet. "Tell me, why did you beat him into the ground?"

His tone of voice left for no debate. I looked to the side. "He put his arm around me…" I admitted. Feeling my cheeks burn at embarrassment for overreacting After a minute of no response, I looked up to see the captain glaring at me. His glare soon changed as I met his eyes. He turned it on the other man. "Get outta here." He said.

HE blinked. "Zaraki taichou?"

"Go to the fourth, get fixed up then come to my office. You here me?" He glared. His glare was enough to make me freeze. He then turned on me. I was afraid of him sending me to the fourth. It must have been my lucky day for all he did was smirk.

"You just got rid of who I was planning on putting as my 20th seat…." He shook his head and then looked to the spot on the other side of me. "Do I even wanna know where this one went?"

Timidly I pointed to the wall. The other guy was currently knocked unconscious in a crater. He just shook his head . "Pathetic… What did this one do."

"Um… he g-grabbed me." I looked down again. He raised an eyebrow and I realized he wanted me to clarify. "On the but..."

I expected laughter or a smirk or him saying that I deserved it. Instead he just pointed to two unranked officers and then to the boy. "Take him to the fourth and then to my office as well."

I raised an eyebrow. I wondered if he had really gotten mad because of what I think he had. I shook my head, of course not. He couldn't have. The captain was calling out names but I asnt listening. HE was just going over rankings.

"Zlorecile"

I wondered if Akihito would get another promotion. I figured he would. He was strong, not quite third seat material, but pretty close.

"Zlorecile!"

I wished that I could get a seat, but knowing that the captain has never seen me fight I don't thing, I doubted I would. It would mean responsibility too, and frankly responsibility wasn't something I liked mu-

"ZLORECILE!"

"WHAT!" I hollered back, mad at whoever it was who had interrupted my thoughts. I looked up glaring until I saw who it was who had called out my name. The captain. I rubbed the back of my head nervously. "C-captain?"

HE rolled his eyes. "Come up here and pick up your badge!"

I nodded and walked up to him with confusion. I bowed and waited for him to let me rise. He shoved a badge into my face. I took it and read the number on it. 7.

"Congratulations Zlorecile, seventh seat of the eleventh division." The whole squad repeated after him. I just stared at the badge in my hand. It was the worst day of my life, and at the same time the best.


	13. Is it too far Sexual content warning

A/N: ok so this chapter contains some adult content. So please don't flame because of that. It also seemed to turn out longer than I intended. Hope you don't get bored with the longness of it ^^

My pen scribbled furiously on the paperwork as I sat at the captain's desk and wrote. The whole time there was a deep frown and glare on my face. The captain had made me his seventh seat two days previous, but now I realized that was just an excuse to make me fill out paperwork: **HIS** paperwork. I snarled. I hated paperwork more than anything. I would rather go up against a Vasto lorde armed with only my own shoes than fill out another piece of paper. It seemed however, that it was not a possibility.

It was getting dark out. I had been working all morning; the pile of paper never seemed to decrease no matter how hard I tried. As I placed a piece of paper in a pile to have it signed by the captain, the pen fell out of my hand and onto the floor. Scooting my chair back, I bent over to pick it up but as soon as I reached my hand out for it, it curled into a ball.

My eyes widened. _Not now! Not now! _I mentally hissed. I fell down off of the chair and onto my knees. Pain racketed my body. My stomach cramped up, my throat closed slightly. My eyes watered. I gritted my teeth. The pain cursing through my veins would go away in anywhere from a few minutes to an hour. It was the worst thing you could experience. Slow and numbing. The cause of this pain attack was simple.

I hadn't fed for nearly 3 days. Since the head captain had stopped the feeding experiments much to the twelfth division captain's distain. I had tried to learn not to feed so often, but it didn't seem to matter how often I did it. It wasn't like running a mile. You couldn't build up stamina for this sort of thing. It was like drinking only my form of drinking was much more deadly and painful.

A good five minutes passed and the pain just increased. I knew that this would not be a short attack. I clutched the ground, trying to stay on my hands and knees. Soon that was a definite impossibility. My hand went up to my throat as my vision flashed red. I fell to the ground, sprawled out in a pitiful sight. I wanted this to pass before anyone came in. For I knew that if whoever came in had any spiritual energy, they would be in danger.

The day just got worse. The door opened and in came the person whose spiritual energy I found irresistible. I clutched my throat harder, clawing into it almost to keep from launching at him. I tried to get the pain in my body to distract me. To move them away from that warm light that was his reiatsu.

"Zlorecile! What the fuck are you doing?" Zaraki growled out as he stepped closer to me. I widened my eyes as it got harder to take with each pending step.

"G-go away…" I ordered weakly.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He took a few more steps closer.

"STOP!" I hollered out with what seemed to be the last of my strength. He did stop but he didn't go away.

"Please… go a-away…" My voice was now a whisper. My nails at my neck drawing a small amount of blood, I felt my eyes water with the effort to resist.

For a second it seemed like he would. He turned around and started to walk away. I hissed low as another wave came over me. That seemed to get him to stop. I felt hands wrap roughly around me and hoist me up, cradling me in one arm as if I was a child. He took his other hand and pried mine from my neck, frowning at what he saw. "Godammit Zlo! What the fuck did you do to yourself?"

I shook my head, staring at his lips. My eyes clouded over and I realized that I wanted them so badly. The pain was gone. It made things worse.

I started to reach out but he caught my hand. "No."

With that he took off to his room, which luckily was only about two minutes of suffering before we got there. My eyes were shut tight, body shaking.

He placed me down on the bed. "There. What do you need? What the fuck is going on?"

I shook my head. He stood over me and put his face too close. Without any more resistance I tilted my head in an attempt to make our mouths meet. His eye clouded over with lust as well, but he put a hand on either shoulder, holding me down. I was glad he was restraining me, but the side of me that controlled my impulses was furious. I was slowly losing to it. Hell, I had already lost. I pushed a little against him, trying to initiate the contact again.

"You need to feed don't you? You fucking little demon." He growled with a smirk. Now I knew very well he was making fun of me, but I didn't care. Right now I didn't care about anything. I just nodded my head slowly, eyes glazed over.

"What happens if you don't feed?"

"It goes away and comes back sooner." I growled low.

"And if you don't feed then?"

"Insanity"

He seemed too amused by this. I finally moved my gaze from his mouth to his eye. They were on me, peering into my soul and making me uncomfortable. The adrenalin was going away and the pain was coming back. I shut my eyes and winced as it started to rise in violent waves. I realized that this man was going to make me wait. He was going to torture me and enjoy every bit of it.

"You're too cruel…" I growled through clenched teeth.

HE said nothing and I opened my eyes just long enough to see him staring intently at me. I closed them and thrashed my head to the side, shivering violently. I tried to fight against him restraining me but it was no use.

"Would you like to feed?"

The question surprised me and I made no response other than a violent shiver.

"I'll take that as a yes." He said, his breath tickling my lips and letting me know that he was close to me. The temptation made me try to close the distance again. To no avail.

"Damn bitch, you should know that the guy's supposed to be the dominant one." He growled. And then he closed the distance himself.

**~WARNING: heavy make out session and more… not quite full on sex though~**

My eyes shot open as I felt his lips. They closed almost immediately as I was swept with pleasure that wiped away all the pain. His lips were rough and yet soft. Ironic. It was just as I had imagined it. I hadn't gotten a chance to really feel it last time, but this time I did. For a long second we just stayed like that, our lips pressed together. I was slowly absorbing energy in trickles. It wasn't enough though. I pressed my lips harder against him and let out a small whimper. I felt him smirk, which would usually have annoyed me but right then I could not care.

I let out a small gasp as one of his hands let go of my left shoulder and reached for my left breast. It was my most sensitive one and when carnal nature was increased with my powers, it was nearly too much to handle.

The gasp was all he needed for him to gain entry of my mouth. He dominated it quickly, his tongue exploring every inch of it. I didn't know what to do other than to concentrate on sucking the energy out of this man. I knew he had more than enough to sustain me. Hell, I could have fed off of him three times a day and he would be fine.

He kept at it, his mouth on mine and his left hand on me. I moaned into the kiss, my free arm pressing against his chest. He leaned on the bed and slowly crawled over me until he towered above me. His intimidating form so close to my body. I was nowhere near full yet. I knew from the way he was kissing me that he was fine with that.

He then sat up, taking me with him. I was on my knees and between his legs on the bed. He roughly lifted me and sat me so that I had to wrap my legs around his waist. I felt something nudge me and blushed when I realized that it was him and that he was getting extremely turned on by this. I was slightly afraid of him searching my memories, but at the same time was feeling too good to stop.

He wrapped his free arm around my waist and pulled me close. I let him. I wrapped both my arms around his neck and felt myself rubbing against him. It made him growl into the kiss. Then he surprised me by grabbing onto the front of my shihakusho and pulling it down, exposing my chest wrap and shoulders. I let out a low moan as he undid the bindings and pulled my shihakusho even further down to my waist.

I blushed at the exposure. My hands went out and slowly slid his own shihakusho down. It was large so it fell down easily. He didn't seem to mind. As soon as it was done he pressed our bare chests together and with his free hand began to open p the shihakusho down lower. He separated it and pushed it to the side, exposing that area as well. I was wearing white underwear that had more lace than necessary. I was secretly in love with underwear from the living world. Lace was my favorite type.

I opened my eyes again and saw that he was looking down at that area. I tightened my legs around him and obscured his vision. He didn't mind though, probably because now he could feel me against him better.

He finally broke the kiss. I whimpered at the loss but soon started to gather energy another way. He had laid me back down and moved me around so that I was sitting on his lap facing away from him. One hand on my breast while another one trailed down a little lower. A lot lower. It grabbed my roughly and traced the outside of my underwear in a teasing motion.

"How does that feel?" he mumbled into my neck, trailing kisses from my ear to shoulder. I didn't answer. He pressed a little harder on me and then didn't move at all. I hissed. "Fine..." I finally mumbled.

He smirked against my neck. His kisses trailed lower down my back. I brought up a hand and bit my knuckle, closing my eyes with a blush. He brought the hand from my breast to my arm and held onto it as he slowly moved his kisses in a trail down my back. With a movement of his hand he ripped the shihakusho of off me and onto the floor. I was now clad in nothing but my underwear before this man. The thought made my crimson state worsen.

He backed away from me and continued the kissing assault. Once he was halfway down my back he started moving back up with rough and yet gentle kisses. I let out a soft moan as he stopped massaging my core and griped my other arm with that hand. He kissed my neck once more and then my cheek. I turned my head to allow him access to my mouth again. We fought for dominance and he flipped me around again, pushing me onto my back on the bed. His hands retraining my arms as he towered over me.

He moved his head to nestle into the crook of my neck and I tilted mine back to give him better access. I told myself that this was only feeing good because of the ecstasy of feeding from him. It was a lie though and I knew it. He kissed a trail down my stomach as he had with my back; leaving marks that I was sure were going to turn red.

Once he got to my naval he stopped making me look down. He was staring up at me with a sadistic grin. I gulped. He went a little lower with his mouth and shivers ran through my body. He moved his mouth on top of my white underwear and I let out an almost mute moan.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"F-fine…"

"How do you feel?"

"Ok…"

It still wasn't the answer he was looking for,

"How do you fucking feel?"

"G-good..." I admitted. It was all that he needed. His hand went down and rubbed me while he nuzzled me with his nose, breathing deep. I blushed with embarrassment. If I had known that was to happen I would have made more of an effort to be more presentable.

"Good…" he mumbled. He reached up and pulled down the underwear, exposing me.

"Do you shave?" he asked.

"D-don't ask such embarrassing questions." I mumbled back.

"So you are naturally bare?"

I didn't respond only closed my eyes.

He seemed to like that. He moved his finger up and down my core, teasing still. I widened my eyes and wanted so much more. He stopped for just a minute and it made me realize that I was the only one receiving anything. Prideful as I was I wouldn't have it. I brought my hands down and grabbed his hair, pulling his head up.

"What the fuck Zlorecile." He cursed, staring at me with confusion. As my hand wandered down to his most sensitive area his eye glazed over with lust and he seemed to understand. He let me lay him down on his back.

Pulling my underwear back up, I straddled him backwards, sitting on his large chest. I untied his sash and his chest wrap and then discarded every clothing item he had on. When his member was free I found myself swallowing hard. This man was large, everywhere. I began to wonder if it was such a good ideal anymore. I couldn't back out now though.

I took a gentle hold of it, tickling the head with tempting touch, encircling it. I heard a small moan from the captain. I knew that the entire thing would never fit inside of my mouth but I could damn well try.

I timidly licked the head in curiosity. He cursed and that propelled me on further. I licked the entire length of it and then shyly put my mouth on it, sucking on just the tip. He thrust his hips upward as if wanting more. But I wanted him to wait.

He had his own revenge in mind. Grabbed my hips and forced me into a position with my back arched that allowed him to get a good view of me. He ripped the underwear off of me, making me moan and blush. The moan against him propelled him further. He stroked my entrance hard. I took him in a little deeper. He inserted two fingers into me and without warning began to mimic the movements he would make if he was inside of me. I clamped down on him.

"You're a virgin aren't ya?"

I didn't answer and he took that as a yes. He felt deem inside of me to confirm it. He stroked and nudged me, making me moan more as I began to move in a repetitive fashion on him. He took hold of my hips and brought them further down.

He met my core with his tongue, sucking and nudging my most sensitive areas. I felt myself growing wetter by the minute and a small pressure began to build up.

"If you do that…" I didn't finish my sentence as it was too embarrassing. It was getting to be too much. I tried my very best to please him. Using my hands for what I couldn't fit in my mouth.

"Dimmit Zlorecile…"

"T-taichou…." I called out when I was close. He pressed himself deeper to me and then wrapped a hand around to the back of my head, moving me down further than I should have been able to go. With a loud groan we both released.

I swallowed the bitter substance and came up with a cough. I wiped off my mouth and chin on the bed sheet.

**~END OF SEXUAL CONTENT~**

He sat up and took hold of me, placing me on top of his chest. I had received more energy than I had received in a good time. I was full of energy and yet so tired. I panted slightly. He was breathing heavy as well, his large chest rising. We just laid there for a good few minutes. I yawned slightly, allowing myself to close my eyes. I would worry about the consequences of our actions later. I felt a blanket place itself over us.

"Fucking bitch…" Was the last thing I heard before falling asleep like that, on my captain's chest. If anyone had told me that I was going to end up in this man's bed like that, I would have punched them in the place and called the crazy.


	14. Wedding invitation

When I woke the next morning I was still on the captain's chest, both of us naked. He looked fast asleep. "Fuck…" I murmured, pushing myself up to get away. I would run away and probably avoid him for the rest of the week. That was the kind of person I was. When I was embarrassed I ran. I always ran from my problems. The grass may not be greener on the other side, but if you keep on running you will never notice.

An arm shot out and wrapped around my waist, keeping me there. I looked down and into the glaring face of the captain. He didn't look happy and my first instinct was because we had done what we had done.

"I'm sorry taichou I… I don-" a growl from the captain shut me up. He looked into my eyes as if searching for something.

"Where were you going?"

I was a little surprised by the question; then again everything concerning this guy seemed to surprise me. I looked down at him, embarrassed that we were still naked. "I don't know…" I admitted.

"You just wanted to get away from me right?" He glared.

I started. "Yes, I thought you would be mad when you woke and found me still here so I just decided to leave and…"

He rolled his eyes and just pulled me to his chest. I let out a surprised yelp. "T-taichou?"

"Stay with me here for just a little longer." He growled. I only nodded into his chest, wondering what in the world had come over this man.

I felt his chest rise and fall with steady breathing and closed my eyes. I could hear his heartbeat if I listened closely. I was about to fall back asleep when the large captain sighed. He slid out from under me and stepped over to his dresser. I clutched the blanket to me, covering me up, and watched him dress. I was unable to peel my eyes away.

"Last night-"

"I understand." I interrupted him. I didn't want to hear the words so I thought they would be less painful if I said them. "I won't speak of it to anyone and we can pretend it didn't happen. I'm sorry…"

Zaraki stopped and glared at me. I shivered at that gaze. I didn't look away though and after a few more minutes he spun around, now fully dressed. "Whatever."

Sighing with ever present confusion, I looked at the door he had slammed on his way out. Standing up and picking up my ruined shihakusho I went over to put on my spare clothes. A white halter top and baggy sweats. My underwear was also ruined and luckily I had several pairs.

I got dressed and brushed my hair out. Sitting in front of the mirror I studied my appearance and soon realized that the halter top would not work out well. Not with the red marks the captain had left behind all over my body. I blushed and went to my bag. The only other clothing item I had left was a kimono. I gulped and reluctantly dressed in it. It was white with a blue sash. I sighed. I was going to stand out in this.

Walking out to the courtyard I found I was right. The captain and vice and the third and fourth seat were sitting on the porch in front of the office. I walked up to them. They stared wide eyed at me, even the little lieutenant. "I look that weird huh?"

Yachiru was the first to pop out of it. A grin spread from ear to ear. "Gin~chan! You look so pretty!"

I sweatdropped. Calling me silver was weird but… calling me after the 3rd division ex-captain was more than weird. "Ok?" I said, not quite knowing what to say to the bubbling girl.

She smiled and grabbed my hand, pulling me down to sit between Yumichika and Ikakku with a grin. "Let me do your hair ne? You can be like a Barbie doll!"

I gulped, suddenly afraid of the girl touching me. I opened my mouth to come up with an excuse when the captain spoke up instead. "Leave her alone Yachiru."

The little girl stopped and giggled. "Aww, Kenny is no fu- ooh mustache man!"

With that the little girl's attention was drawn elsewhere and she disappeared to go torture someone else. I just shook my head, feeling sorry for the poor soul.

"So what's up with the outfit Zlorecile?" Ikakku raised an eyebrow, focusing on me more than I would like. I swallowed.

"I didn't have any other clothes to wear."

"What 'bout that uniform that you wore yesterday?"

I fiddled my thumbs and peeked at the large captain through my messy hair. He just smirked. I glared. "I dropped it in a puddle…" I lied. They obviously didn't believe me.

Ikakku opened his mouth to say something else. Luckily Yumichika intervened. Or unluckily…

"It is such a shame." He pouted going to stand behind me, making me raise an eyebrow. "Such a shame that you are so pretty and yet you take no care of your appearance. No make-up at all, and it doesn't even look like you brushed your hair."

I glared at the ground, "Ah shut up pretty boy. I just don't like to wear fake skin." I growled. He seemed to glow at someone calling him pretty. I only shook my head. And then without warning I feel him tugging at my hair.

"OI! What the fuck are you doing to me!" I snarled, trying to move but his hand on my head stopped me.

"Simply making you look more appealing."

"Why?"

"Because you are a girl. Don't you want to feel beautiful?"

"NO! I really don't need any looks in this division…" I frowned. Ikakku laughed at this, knowing all too well what I meant. I heard a tsk tsk from Yumichika and he continued his assault.

Deciding that a struggle wasn't even worth it, I let him have his way.

"Zlorecile?"

I looked up to see the beautiful man I loved approach. Akihito had a confident walk and he stopped before us, bowing to the captain who had a frown on his face. He then took in my outfit and he smiled his signature smile. My eyes grew soft and sad.

"I heard you made 7th seat a few days ago. Sorry for not being there to congratulate you. I was busy with some of the wedding stuff…" He excused. My heart fell. I looked down at the ground for a long moment-to Yumichika-s annoyance- before bringing my head back up with a smile.

"It's ok sixth seat Akihito. Is everything with the wedding proceeding well?" I asked with as sweet a voice as I could, trying to seem friendly and casual and not like this was breaking my heart.

"Yeah! Everything is going well. We booked a nice venue and we got all the invitations wrote out. We also got the guest list and booked the caterer and the chef for the cake. It's going to be as grand as a noble's wedding should be. There is also a lot of paperwork for me to do in order to introduce me into the clan. They say that if it wasn't for my power I never would have been accepted." His face lit up into a grin that cut into my heart.

"Ah! I am so glad Akihito! I am sure that you will be very happy."

I noticed his lips twitch downward slightly but otherwise he still seemed ecstatic about his wedding. "Yeah I came here to give you all the wedding invitation." He produced four black envelopes. Black. It was as if he had remembered.

I had always thought of white as the loneliest color, for it was lack of color. I thought black as the color that meant you were no longer alone because it seemed like a mixture of all the colors in the world. So how could black be lonely?

I smiled sadly and reached out to take it. I read the date. January 1st. I realized that it was the 4th of December today. It was long overdue for snow.

It was weird the kind of things I was thinking about now. Instead fo focusing on the wedding I was thinking of the weather. The thought made me smile.

"Zlorecile~ I'm done!" A pretty voice from behing me rang out. I turned and glared.

"Such an ugly expression." Yumichika pouted sitting down besides me.

"Well don't you want to look at what I did with your hair?"

"No"

"Tch, it's so wasted on someone like you!"

I just nodded my head lazily. I reached my hand back and felt the hair. I sweat-dropped, not even able to follow what he had done.

"OOH! Wedding and I am invited? I am going to have to pick out something lovely to wear. Ikakku we should go shopping in the living world tomorrow! Can we captain?" Yumichika gushed. I blocked out the sounds then.

I opened the envelope slowly. Inside there was a white card. On the front was a classy black design surrounding beautiful cursive letters: _**Akihito & Karie**_

I opened it and in the letter it read:

_**Wedding invitation**_

_Before us lies the open road_

_A future with love_

_Please join us as we_

_**Akihito Shoda**__ and __**Karie Naraka**_

_Join in our marriage on Saturday, the first of January _

_At half past three o'clock in the afternoon in the Osborne garden. Reception to follow at the Naraka mansion. _

_RSVP_

It was all done so beautifully. The finest paper and the design which must have taken hours to create. It reminded me that this truly was the best that Akihito would do. I smiled down at it, glad that he was marrying such a nice girl.

"Akihito, this is beautiful… I will definitely go to wish you the best of luck." I smiled.

He nodded his head. "Actually captain I was going to submit a request for a month of leave in order to get everything planned for my wedding and honeymoon."

"Tch whatever. Take the damn time. Yer no use to me anyways. Haven't seen any good hollow around." The gruff man said. I smiled a little at his attitude.

"Thank you captain!"

I stood up to leave, having seen enough.

"Wait Zlorecile where are you going?" Akihito asked me.

"Haven't decided yet…" I admitted. I turned around "Akihito… I am glad for you. You deserve this. You really do…" I whispered as I turned to go. A few tears escaped the corner of my eye.


	15. Bathing and punching

The captain didn't come home that night, and I didn't see him all through the rest of the day. Ikakku said he was out on a mission. I should be glad that he was gone, but I wasn't. It was odd in many ways. It was dark now, I had finished all the captains' paperwork for the day, trained for two hours, and now I was in the captain's room getting ready to shower. I wanted to go shopping the next day, my day off. My paycheck had come in and though it was rather bleak, it was good enough to buy some clothes.

"Ok, one uniform, one sleeping yukata, one casual yukata, a blanket, a hairbrush, and some basic groceries for the month…" I spoke as I worth it all down on a list. I sighed, there went half my paycheck. "At least I don't have to pay rent right now…" I laughed sadly.

I pulled out 3/4ths of my month's paycheck. The rest I put in a pocket of my bag, still having nowhere to set things. Pulling a towel out of his drawers I stripped and wrapped the towel around me. The bathwater was sounding more inviting to my aching body by the minute so I hurried to fold my clothes and get inside of it.

I loved the captain's western style bath. Well, it was more of an indoor onsen than a bath. I supposed that for such a large man he needed a large bath. The floors and walls were made out of rock and it had one of those beautiful bamboo fountains. It seemed very uncharacteristic of the captain. More like something I had thought the captain of the sixth would have. Something about it spelt Yumichika.

I sank into the warm waters with a small gasp as it stung a cut that my sparring partner had inflicted. It was about two inches long and stung something terribly. It was located right above my left breast, something that made me suspect that my sparring partner may have been a pervert.

I looked around for shampoo and there was none. I shrugged and used soap instead. I let out a small chuckle as I could imagine Yumichika's face if he knew.

Once all that was done I let myself relax, closing my eyes. I wondered if the captain was coming home or not. I smiled thinking about it. He didn't come home the previous night so perhaps he was with another woman. It wouldn't be unlikely. "Tch… I'm so stupid. Why am I thinking like I like the guy? I hate him." I chastised myself with a glare at the water. But what I had felt with him the night before was unprecedented. I blushed as I thought about it but couldn't deny that I had never done anything that felt so good.

I put my head in my hands and shook it. "I think the water's clouding my mind."

"Then get the fuck out"

I froze, not wanting to turn around to face the large captain who I knew was standing behind me.

_If I close my eyes maybe he will go away… _I thought to myself.

"Ya do realize you said that aloud right?"

I cursed and sank into the foggy water in order to hide myself as best I could. I slowly turned around. The captain was standing above me clad in nothing but a towel. He stepped towards the water.

"W-what do you think you're doing!" I squealed, crossing my arms over myself, wincing as I pressed to hard on my newest cut. It was pathetic but I couldn't ignore the pain as well as a warrior should be able to. In a battle yes, but here in a bathroom with a captain who you hate and yet are still sexually attracted to... apparently not.

"I'm taking a damn bath. I didn't get one last night." He said, discarding the towel and getting in. I turned around.

"But I'm in here…"

"So?"

"So shouldn't you wait for me to get out first?"

I felt the water move as he came up and stood beside me. I moved forward a little bit, pressing my stomach against the rocky wall and gripping it with both my hands.

"You didn't lock the door."

"S-so… I didn't think you were coming back or... I thought you would knock…." I sputtered back angrily with a blushing face at knowing the captain was wearing nothing.

"You sound embarrassed."

I didn't respond. He moved forward and placed his hands on either side of me on the rock. I could almost feel him he was so close. I turned to look at him. His eye patch was still on but his hair was down and wet. I swallowed my mouth dry. I wanted to remove his eye patch again, but knowing I couldn't handle it without attacking him. I hadn't fed since out last adventure which had been the night before last. I was craving It again, but not quite at the point it would cause me pain.

Not wanting him to guess what I was thinking about, I glared at him.

"I don't see why your hiding like that. I saw it all before." He smirked. I got a tick mark on my forehead. He widened his smirk. "Hell, I touched most of it. These marks are proof." He placed his large hand over one of the red marks on my back.

"Shutup! I thought we were going to forget that whole exchange!" I growled.

"No, you said you were going to forget it. I never agreed to it."

My cheeks were now red with anger. I balled up my fists. I put a small smile on my face. "Really now?"

Without any other thought other than that I was extremely angry, I moved my right elbow down and into his stomach. He was rock hard but it hit its mark true. I cursed mentally, sure that that hit had done more damage to my elbow than it had to him. I felt him move backwards and curse. That made it more than worth it.

With a huff I crawled out of the tub and walked to the door. I looked back once and stuck out my tongue, no longer as phased by his glare and cursing.

Walking back into the room I let a small smile grace my lips as I dressed into the sweats. The halter top pressed into my cut too much so instead I wrapped my chest up lightly with my chest binging nod then settled down on the floor as usual. I fell asleep moments later.

When I woke up it was not because it was morning, it was because I was shivering terribly. The temperature had dropped. I cursed myself for not buying a blanket. It was freezing. I stood up and looked to the bed. Kenpachi was sleeping peacefully. I walked over and looked at his sleeping face. His eye patch was off. His spiritual energy was enormous, but I found it easy to handle as I stared into his face.

Another wave of shivers racketed my body. I walked over to the window and peered out. It was dark out but you could see the shadow of some snow. I smiled. I loved the snow, I loved winter.

I timidly opened and shut the door to his room as to prevent cold air from getting in and disturbing him. I leaned against and sat down, ignoring the biting old and watching the snow fall.

"Akihito…" I mumbled, surprising even myself. I shook my head back and forth. "Akihito… I accept it. I accept you marriage, and I want you to go through with it, I want you to be happy and yet…"

I reached up to touch my cheek. It was wet. I laughed. I laughed because if I didn't laugh I would cry.

"If I excepted it.. Why does it still hurt so much?"

I continued to stare out at the untouched snow until the door opened. I looked up and into the eyes of the captain. He asked nothing about my tears and I gave him no explanation. He held out his hand, I took it. He led me inside and to the bed.

It seemed to go unspoken, but I knew he would not touch me. He covered us both up with the blanket and held me against him. I was surprised at how easy it was for me to fall back asleep.


	16. Getting closer

**AN: Ok so this story is moving a little slow but the chapter after next it will go allot faster i guarantee... I think...**

**But thank you everyone for the reviews! It really keeps me writing when i see feedback. **

**Oh and you guys have no ideal how hard it is to write Yachiru's part! She is such a vexing little girl for me. haha. And creepy.. I swear she would give Retsu the chills!**

* * *

The bags in my arms were heavy, and the little lieutenant on my back didn't make the burdon any lighter. I let them fall to the floor in the bedroom with a loud thud. "Thank god that's over…"

"That was fun huh shiro-chan?" I had learned by now to ignore the dramatic changing of nicknames that came from Yachiru. I reached up and patter her head.

"Yeah, it was fun spending time with you."

"Can we do it again tomorrow?"

I smiled. "No. but how about we set a date hmm? Like the first of every month we can have a shopping spree. How does that sound? I can buy you some candy."

The little girl seemed to like this. She nodded her head enthusiastically and clamored down to sort through the bags on the floor. She went directly to the grocery bag.

I winced. This girl had already cost me nearly a fortune on candy. I had used all the spare money I had on me on her. But watching her happy face, I divided it was worth it.

"Zlo!" I was snapped out of the thoughts by the little girl. She was holding up a head of cabbage.

"Hmm?"

"Can I eat this?"

I sweatdropped and grabbed it out of her hand, holding it close. "no you can't! Later I will fix you something if you're still hungry ok?"

She started to pout when the door opened.

We both snapped our heads to see the captain walk in. He looked at the bags then at Yachiru. "Where you been today?"

"With Zlo!" She yelled cheerfully. I nodded my head in confirmation. He made a tch sound but said nothing more on the subject. He walked over to the dresser and pullout out the middle drawer.

I looked at it, observing that it was empty.

"Put all yer shit in here." He said, making me and Yachiru both tilt our heads.

"What? Tch annoying brats." He spun back around to leave.

I smiled. "Thank you captain."

He hesitated for a minute, his back to me so I couldn't see his expression, and then he continued on his way.

"Kenny is awfully stubborn ne?" I smiled down to Yachiru. She looked at me like I was crazy and I just laughed, putting the stuff away in the drawer and heading to the kitchen to put the food away.

The day passed by smoothly. Well, what was left of it. Once I was done putting everything away I had gone to the office to do a pile of paperwork for about an hour and a half. And as soon as that was done I had gone to train. Now it was nearly eleven and all my sparing partners had gone to bed nearly an hour ago. I relied on bare strength without using shunpo to accelerate my movements, or even reiatsu. I swung my blade down upon a tummy, watching as it split in half right down the middle, the two sides falling apart and towards the ground. Before it fell to the ground I tried to cleave it in half. I did. I then aimed to cleave both halves in half. I did. I tried to cleave each quarter of it I half and succeeded, and again. Until I had 16 pieces falling to the ground. I tried to cleave all of those in half and only got 12 of them.

I cursed at my speed. I was supposed to be stronger than that. Any lieutenant could have done that, and maybe even some third seats. I glared at the dummy, determined to try again. I needed to be stronger.

The next dummy I managed to only get 11 out of sixteen. The next one 13 out of sixteen. The next 14 and so on. I wouldn't stop until I had all 16 cleaved in half.

An hour later and I was almost out of dummies. I had two left. I repeated it all again, stretching my abilities even further. I did it with a smile.

I turned to the last standing dummy and raised my blade above my head with one hand. I was about to bring it down when a hand shot out and caught my blade. I widened my eyes and looked up at the captain of the eleventh. I knew that the main reason why my blade had not cut him was because it had no reiatsu in it to force his down and was therefore as useless as a regular knife. But the strength behind it I thought would have been enough to at least force his hand down a little. I felt my self esteem drop a little.

"There you are."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You weren't in the room or the bathroom." He explained.

I raised both my eyebrow, my sword still held out in one hand.

"Stop looking at me like that. You should get to bed. Tomorrow I want to see you fight." He growled, turning around.

I sheathed my sword and nervously smiled. He wanted to se ME fight? I gulped. "Yes captain."

We entered the room and I grabbed a sleeping kimono out of my bag and headed for the bathroom. "I am going to shower."

He smirked. "I already took one but two never hurt no-"

"PERVERT!" I hollered, blushing, before I slammed the door. His laughter rang out after me, making me fume.

His laughter followed me as I sank into the bath and using the shampoo I had bought earlier, did my business to get all clean.

The yukata I bought for sleeping was a soft white. It was also the cheapest one there. I figured because it didn't have a fancy pattern. It was cotton too. I like cotton though, as it breathed easily and was more than comfortable.

Leaving my breasts unrestrained, I walked out of the room. It was half past midnight and yet the captain was sitting on his bed, staring at me. His hair was down but his eye patch was still on. I looked down, suddenly self conscious.

About to walk over to my usual spot on the floor, I was taken aback when a hand reached out and wrapped around me. I raised a pale eyebrow at the large man.

"Not there." He said, motioning to the floor. I suddenly understood. I sighed.

"Captain…" I made a feeble attempt to protest

"Don't argue with me girl."

I nodded my head, giving in. In truth I didn't want to sleep on the hard wood floor after knowing the comfort of a bed. He led e over to the large bed and we lay down. I faced away from him, but yelped when he turned me around to face him.

He stared in my eyes and I got slight butterflies, being so close to this guy, able to feel his hot breath on my face.

"C-captain…" I mumbled.

"Do you need to feed?"

The question made me swallow hard. I did.

When I didn't answer he seemed to take that as a yes. "Then do so."

My cheeks turned bright red at the memory of last time. I looked down. He seemed to sense my fears.

"Don't worry it won't be like last time." He growled angrily as always, but the way he looked at me let me know he wasn't lying. I nodded my head.

He had told the truth. It was a kiss of dazzling energy, and at one point his eye patch came off. But other than him gripping me close against him, he didn't overstep any boundaries. Something I respected, as I never would have thought him to have this much restraint.

And then, as quick as it had started, it was done. Well, it was actually quite a while, but it had all passed in a blur. I lay back besides him, panting slightly and feeling fully revived. I cursed mentally. I wasn't going to be able to sleep with this energy.

Turning to my side I realized the opposite was true for the captain. Not only was it late but he had just had his energy sucked out of him. Not that much, but enough to make up for the lack of the eye patch. HE looked at me with glazed over eyes and yet also a very troubled expression. I turned away.

I didn't move until I hear his breath steady. Once I did I turned my head back and gazed at his sleeping face, I knew why he had had such a troubled expression. He had searched my memories. I bit my tongue with anger at myself for being so open. I knew I would have to ask him about it in the morning.

Having all night to myself, to thing and lie awake, I made a mental list of what I could do.

1. Wake up and ask Kenpachi what he saw

2. Get ready for the day

3. Eat a good breakfast and then wait an hour

4. Show Kenpachi my fighting skills

5. Paperwork

6. Training

7. Shower

8. Sleep

I continued to revise and change my list until there was nothing more I could do.

And then, slowly trickling and taunting, came the thoughts I had somehow managed to avoid through the day. Thoughts of Akihito. I knew this was going to be a long night. 7 hours left.


	17. A chance to be fourth

AN: Sorry this chapter was going to be waaay to long so i split it up into two.

Oh and BTW: TITE KUBO OWNS BLEACH! NOT ME! DISCLAIMER

Just wanted to do that to be safe. Thank you all for your reviews!

I dont want Zlorecile to be mary sue. Please dont misunderstand. Right now she is not all that strong. If she wants power, she is going to have to work for it, as you will sooon see.. she works for it pretty well. So fight scenes aind my specialty. I also found myself thinking of her on the back of like a minotaur as it crashed around... the thought brought a smile to my face.

And.. i am ashamed to admit that I lied in my last A/N... I know I promised to make it so that one more boring chapter and then a lil ff to the weding but.. well.. this chapter was going to be to long. So plan on two chapters instead lol.

Read and enjoy

Me: see what I did there! most poeple say read and review! I said read and enjoy! hah! you get it? huh?

Kenpachi: Fucking idiot that's what you are...

Me: T_T I know... but you needs ta me nice to me if you ever plan on getting some! :3 Mwahaha!

* * *

"Hand to hand"

I blinked at the captain. "You want me to fight hand to hand?"

He nodded and pointed to the member of the second division who had been volunteered for this. I tilted me head to the side. I could take on most of the eleventh division members when it came to hand-to-hand, but I wasn't sure about it when it came to a member of the second. They trained with the black ops, so they were definitely better than most.

"Don't worry ya should be able to beat his ass" The captain smiled. "Probably... Maybe… ok ya I have no fucking ideal but just go out there and do your best."

I looked around the courtyard. A lot of spectators were gathering, including the captain of the second. I swallowed hard, afraid of what would happen if I lost, and by the look on the second division captain, just as afraid of what would happen if I won.

With a heavy sigh I took my spot, laying my Zanpakuto to the side so it would not get in my way.

We bowed quickly and then it began. Something I loved about second divisioners: They were never noisy or talkative in battle, which went well with someone like me, who personally hated having to talk while fighting.

Not wanting to give my opponent enough time to react, I flew at him with my right fist aimed to the left of his head. My plan failed however, when instead of connecting, the silent man dodged, moving his head to the right just enough and causing my fist to fly past. He caught my wrist with his left hand and moved his free arm to the base of my neck, pushing forward and casing me to go too. His foot jutted out didn't help, as I was flung down on the ground, the man quickly following.

Thinking fast, I concluded that this guy had speed and hand-to-hand on levels equal or perhaps greater than me. I rolled to my side before he was able to straddle me and finish me off with lack of air supply. But, as I tried my best to successfully dodge him, I barely managed to get on my feet, let alone have time to look for an opening before his fist flew towards me once again. I used a basic block, but one that was backed up with most of my speed and strength to parry it, watching the man's footwork carefully.

"Godammit why?" I asked the heavens with a grunt as I dodged a powerful kick aimed to the side of my head that would have caused me some pretty bad damage had it hit. "I'm too lazy for this shit!" I hollered; a little mad at such a cruel joke. I dodged to the best of my abilities, but we were both coming to a realization that we were both stuck at an impasse. He was not making a mistake, his moves were utterly flawless, amazing. I realized that if this was going to go anywhere than one of us would have to make an opening. I refused to let him be the one to do that. The only thing I had to beat him with was luck and intelligence, seeing that we're evenly matched in hand-to-hand. I finally saw an option come to light before me. As I punched towards the left of his face I slowed my movements just enough, waiting for him to take the bait.

He did. His gloved right hand wrapped around my pale wrist. Before he was able to do anything though, I smirked and swung my other hand around to place it on his wrist as well. I then used all of my strength to yank it towards the ground, using his momentum of falling for my own benefit. The look of surprise on his face made me smile.

I pivoted on my left foot, hoping into the air and with a spin, bringing my foot down on the man's back, forcing him forward and onto the ground. I straddled him, wrapping my legs on either side of him with his arm pined behind him. I leaned my arm into a pressure point on his neck in an attempt to cut off his air supply. It seemed to be working, as the man relaxed completely. Thinking I had knocked the man out, I lessened my hold. As if on cue, he came to life again and jumped to its feet. Out of reflex, I tightened the grip my legs had on him and wrapped my arms around his neck. The man shouted and I heard laughter from the crowd as he threw himself around, trying to shake me off.

He rammed himself backwards into a wall, causing the breath to get knocked out of me, especially as something sharp cut into my back. I could feel the blood begin to run down my thermal shirt.

"Mother of an aarancar! This shirt cost me 8 thousand yen! _[(AN: $80)]_" I growled low, my temper rising. I grew even more upset as I looked down and realized that the object, turning out to be a torch holder, was still in my shoulder: Sticking out the other side. I growled, barely noticing the pain and decided that I wanted to end this before I actually got too injured or worse.

The man however, had no such reservations. As I moved my arms up to take hold of his head, he sensed my movements and thrashed side to side, trying to throw me off. When that didn't seem to work, it continued ramming me with crushing force against the wall. I let out a small gasp as I was harshly pinned, the torch holder still in my shoulder. I could only imagine how funny this must be for the viewers.

I gritted my teeth, feeling something in me snap, a few somethings actually. I could only guess it was coming from my ribs. The second division member was suck, unable to do anything with me on his back. I could feel blood trickling down my head from where it had been banged against the wall and decided I had had enough.

With adrenalin induced strength that surprised even me, I moved my hands and took hold of his head. I managed to shove my body to the left side, where there so happened to be a wall. I slammed his head down on the wall with more force than I should have, and didn't give him a change to recuperate as he fell to the ground. I pushed all my weight into his back and pressed my knee directly onto its spinal cord. My forearm pressed up to his neck, slowly suffocating him.

A second later he had stilled. He was still alive, only unconscious. I let go and stepped off of him, rolling him over so he wouldn't suffocate and die. Dusting myself off, I reached back and pulled the metal bar out of my back. I sighed; I was going to have to go to the fourth again.

I noticed that nobody was making any noise. I clutched my side with the broken ribs and looked down with embarrassment, wondering if my fight had really Ben that bad. I stood before my captain, shuffling nervously.

I risked a look up at his face. I nearly started; he was smiling wide at me. I tilted my head to the side

"You did good Zlorecile." HE laughed, placing a hand on my shoulder roughly, causing me to wince and some more blood to squirt out. I moved away and he frowned, looking at my injuries.

"C'mon, lets get you to the fourth." He said. I saw a flash of white in my eyes and turned. I missed who it was though.

_Was that the head captain? _I shook my head, it couldn't have been. I must have just seen the captain of the second. But when I looked to my other side, she was still there; staring at me with a calculating eye. I swallowed, not sure what that unreadable gaze meant.

The stay in the fourth division was pleasant enough. Well, as soon as I nailed it through the seventh seat of the fourth that I was not about to eat him. I had an unshared respect for healers. Without healers there would be no fighters, for we would all be dead probably before we even got to see our first fight. Without healers there would be no medicine, no cures for anyone.

"I see you're awake." A female voice called out.

I smiled and turned over, expecting to find a healer. "Of course. Your care was excel-" I stopped my words dead and my smile dropped replaced by wide eyes.

Hoping out of the bed I bowed before her. "Nitaichou!" I greeted the captain of the second division, not sure what she was here for.

She said nothing and my heartbeat rose. "If this is about harming your member, forgive me captain. I did not mean for it to go so far. I got carried away captain."

"Well, nice ot know that one member of squad eleven knows how to show respect." She sighed.

I quirked an eyebrow up at her, looking up.

"You can rise, though it would be better if you got some pants on." She observed.

With a squeal I rose and looked around for some pants. I found a pair of scrubs and used those pants, blushing all the while.

"You can sit." The captain said, motioning towards the bed. I took a seat on it and looked at her with full curiosity. She didn't seem ad, but she didn't seem too happy either. I was confused as usual. If only I could read her mind.

"You are probably wondering what this is about." She said. I nodded in confirmation.

"The man you defeated yesterday was my fourth seat." She informed me. I did nothing and she raised an eyebrow. "Night now you are seventh seat am I correct?"

I nodded again.

"You defeated my fourth seat in melee. I therefore have a proposition for you."

I tilted my head to the side.

"Join my division and become fourth seat."

Widening y eyes, I looked down. I twiddled my thumbs at the proposal. Being fourth seat would be amazing but..

"I don't have any kido abilities."

"No problem. Your melee is more than good enough to make up for it."

"I- I don't know. I can't hide my reiatsu worth anything, and melee isn't my most skilled area. I am better at zanjutsu."

"The eleventh division can make something for hiding your reiatsu I am sure. And like I said, your melee is still superb."

I swallowed hard, not saying anything, weighing options in my head.

"From what I heard you wanted to switch divisions anyways." She said it so causally I looked up.

"What?"

"Yes. I heard that you had tried to fill out a transfer form but got denied. I am sure though that If I went to the head captain and requested it, that it would be fine."

I nodded my head. She had a good point. I could get away from Kenpachi. He was a sadistic bastard who hated me and wanted me dead. I should be jumping at this chance. But for some reason I wasn't…

"I don't know… I mean are you sure, have you not heard of what… what I am…"

She smiled softly, surprising me. "Yes, all of the captains know. It is true that at first I was against you becoming a soul reaper. But through perseverance you have proven me wrong. Also… I talked to someone and they gave me some advice.. she said you were more than fit for being a shinigami…"

I took note of how a light blush spread across her cheek and my eyes lit up with curiosity as to who could make the second most stoic captain act so... girly. I smiled a bit at it.

She caught my glance and cleared her throat. "Anyways, I want you to think about this opportunity. I will give you until tomorrow morning to decide. I hope to hear favorably."

I nodded my head in agreement; I would need to think about it hard and long. I stood and bowed as she shunpo'd away.

I sat back down on the bed with a long sigh, putting my head in my hands, thinking hard.

"Are you going to take her up on her offer?" I almost expected Kenpachi to be the one to interrupt me, but instead it was captain Unohana.

I went to bow again but she dismissed it with a wave of her hand. I relaxed. "I- I don't know captain…"

"Well, if you could transfer divisions, what division would you most like to be in?" She asked.

"Well… I suppose the eleventh."

"Why is that?" She asked, moving to inspect my shoulder.

"Well, even though the captain is a cruel bastard who wants to kill me…" I laugh, and notice that Unohana has a small smile on her face. "Despite that, I have made friends. I mean, the little pink haired lieutenant keeps things interesting, I have Yumichika to make fun of and to be tortured by as he tries to do my hair, and getting to beat Ikakku into the ground when he doesn't keep his hands or eyes to himself."

"So you like the people. What about the division itself?" She asked, taking off the bandages.

"I love that part of it too. It is really laid back and that gives me time to train harder. Sure, te paperwork can bother me sometimes, but the fact that I can train for 3 hours when I wake up before anyone else, then two more hours once everyone wakes up around nine, then after all my work fr the day, if I hurry with paperwork I can be done by five and then I can train until the captain comes and retrieves me to go to bed." I smiled.

She raised an eyebrow. "Retrieve you for bed?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I am leaping with him."

She looked at my face with concern. "But I thought he wanted to kill you? Why are you and him sleeping together."

I laughed. "Well, I think that its to keep the other guys away from me. And it gets cold at night and so he-" I stopped, and then started laughing. "Oh no! Captain no! It isn't like that. I don't mean sleeping together I mean like... actually sleeping. We don't do stuff like that no!" I said as truthfully as I could. The kiss was just for energy and nothing more.

She raised a brow. "Captain it's just for until he gets Yachiru's room fixed up, don't worry."

She sighed and it seemed like she had something to say but she let it slide.

"So then you are saying that the eleventh is your favorite division right?" She asked. I nodded.

"If you love it, if it is your favorite, why consider leaving it?" she asked, such a simple question. I smiled brightly and couldn't help myself. I reached out and hugged her.

"Captain... You. Are. A. Genius!" I squealed before letting go and hopping up "oh yeah... Um... Am I free to go?"

She nodded and waved me goodbye. I bowed and then ran out the door.


	18. Good

AN:

**WARNING**: **Swearing** and **mild** **sexual** **content**! Don' like, don' read 

(you would think this would be self explanatory but with all these hater idiots out there… oh yeah you guys should check out** message to haters** by **nigahiga** on **youtube**! It's priceless and I am sure we can all relate for there are haters on ff too…)

**Disclaimer**: I **don't** **own** **bleach** or **anything** **associated**. I own **Zlorecile** and **Akihito** only.

It was dark out and I found my way to the captain's room with ease. I burst open the door smiling. "I'm staying!" I announced with a smile and uncharacteristic glee.

To nobody

The room was empty

My smile faded slowly and I looked down, walking over and sitting on the bed with a defeated expression. "So stupid…" I leaned back on the wall, letting my head loll.

"What's stupid?"

I sat back up with shock. "Nothing!"

The captain of the eleventh looked at me like I was crazy. I blushed and looked down. He just shrugged it off and crawled into bed besides me. I turned to face him.

"Captain what did you see?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"When I stole energy form you. Your face… you saw something." I reminded him. His face went dark.

"I don't want to tell you" He said, reminding me of a pouting child.

I rolled my eyes. "Captain you know. Just tell me."

He ignored me and rolled over.

"c'mon!" I urged.

Silence…

I climbed over him, putting my face upside down in front of his. "Why won't you tell me?"

He glared at me. "Why does it matter? I didn't see anything interesting."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know why it matters. But by the look on your face, it looks like its fucking bothering you."

He continued to glare for a long minute before growling in defeat. "I saw you and Akihito… doing that."

"That?"

"Yeah that"

"What the fuck is that?"

"Don't make me fucking say it!"

"Say it!"

"Forget it"

"Tell me what 'that' is!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"HAH! I got you to say yes! Now tell me!"

"I already did! You guys were doing that!"

"What the fuck is that!"

"FUCKING! Screwing! Bumping uglies! Jumping each other's bones! Making goddamn love! " He yelled, rolling over and pinning me beneath him.

I widened my eyes. Then, I did something that caught the captain completely off guard. I started to laugh.

"What the hell is so funny?"He growled.

"My God Kenpachi! You didn't see that."

"Yes I did. His hands were all... and you were all…"

"We have never gone all the way. We experimented once or twice but that's as far as we ever got." I laughed lightly. I shook my head. "You're silly captain."

He didn't seem to find it as funny as me. He narrowed his eyes. He moved quickly and pinned my arms up above my head. "Don't fucking lie to me. You're nothing but a fucking lying slut."

Wincing, I was taken aback by his behavior and his words. I was hurt too. "You went too far." I glared, trying to move my wrists from his grasp. He just held onto them harder, his unpatched eyes staring into mine with malice and unspiked hair falling around my face.

"I went too far? I'm not the one sleeping around like some a slut. How many other division members here have you fucked?" He smirked down at me, though his eyes held a look far different than normal. He looked evil. He looked like he hated me more than I knew he already did. I squirmed under his gaze.

"Shutup." I growled. I had heard enough; if he didn't believe me than that was his problem.

"Shutup? Oh earlier you were just begging me to tell you. Now I did."

"I didn't know it would lead to this." I growled right back.

"Well to bad. Tch, I should have figured though."

I narrowed my eyes, as if daring him to continue.

He did. "I should have figured you were a slut. You were too good at what you did to not have loads of practice."

"Shutup!"

"In fact, I wonder if I should have paid you."

"Shut the fuck up!" I hollered. He put his face close to mine, his eyes boring into mine. I stared straight back.

"Why should I?"

"Cause you fucking wrong that's why! I told you that we never did that! We touched a little, but only three fucking times! We never even were naked you idiot!" I practically spat.

He only laughed in my face. "I may not have seen the actual event, but I saw the foreplay. I know that once you start like that you don't stop. You don't have any proof that you guys didn't fuck."

"Yes I do! You double digit IQ idiot!"

"What fucking proof do you have? If you want me to ask Akihito you should know I won't believe the little man whore!"

I could have slapped him for that. I would have tried had I not been restrained. "You bastard! I'm a fucking virgin! That's my goddamn proof!"

He went silent, staring me down. "You're lying."

I blushed; face red with embarrassment and anger. "Fine! Think what you want I don't give a damn! I know I never have slept with anyone before and that's all that matters. I don't even understand why you care. It's none of your business."

"You're part of my division, which makes it my business." He stated. I rolled my eyes.

"So then is it a habit to pry into the sex life of all your members? Is it? Or in my case my non-existent sex life you dick licker!" I tried to move my leg to kick him but he had me pinned.

"First off, I'm a cunt licker as you have already learned."

"And second?" I glared, wiggling against him to try and get free.

"Hold the fuck still."

"Why should I!"

"Damn you! Fucking bitch hold still!" His eyes closed in what seemed to be concentration.

"Still name calling I see. So you follow my private life cause you hate me and want to use any chance you get to torment me is that right?" I looked into his eyes with a pang that confused me.

His eyes snapped open. "Idiot! Single digit IQ! Hate you? You think I fucking _hate _you? You fucking idiot!" He growled, though his voice was lower.

I looked away. "Well it's true."

"Zlorecile I don't fucking hate you. I will admit that at first I did. Nearly a month and a week ago. But do you even know what you do to me?" His voice was not low, husky. It made shivers go up my spine.

"Make you want to barf?" I shot back

"Fucking smartass." I was shocked to see his glare turn into one of his lighter smirks. "THIS is what you do to me."

He grabbed one of my hands and yanked it down so I could literally feel what I did to him. A deep blush covered my cheeks. "o-oh…"

He pressed against the hand even more and I could nearly feel his heartbeat. I tried to move my hand, the embarrassment being too much. He let me this time. Not knowing what to do with it I held it to my chest.

"oh? Say something other than oh! I just admitted that I wanted to fuck you senseless and all your brain can come up with is oh?" Kenpachi glared. I widened my eyes, feeling embarrassment and heat rise up in my body.

"C-captain… I… um…"

"Well?"

With my insecure look turning to a frown, I reached up and bonked him on the head with my free arm. "You idiot!"

"Why are you calling me an idiot! I just confessed to you! You little bitch!"

"You didn't confess! You said you would fuck me! Do you know how many other guys tell me the same thing every day? Hell, most of the guys in the eleventh have confessed to me!" I glowered angrily.

"I do-" He stopped and then stared at me with wide eyes. "Wait, you mean there are guys going around confessing to you and telling you they would fuck you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Duh! They're desperate horny bastards." I laughed. He didn't share my amusement.

"Did you take any of them up on it?" he asked his f ace serious.

"What?" I tilted my head to the side in confusion.

"Did you take any of them up on the offer to fuck or date?" His snarling face got close to mine again.

I froze and glared at him with more venom than I had before. "Get off of me."

He looked taken aback for a minute but didn't move. "No! We're having a serious conversation. "

I shook my head in disbelief. "This conversation is over. If you don't even know the answer to that, then you obviously know nothing about me." I struggled to remove my hand from his grasp and wiggle out from underneath him.

"How am I supposed to know things about you without you telling me?"

I huffed. "Well, I do tell you things. You just don't believe them! I told you I am a fucking virgin didn't I? You just didn't believe me. I don't date. Hell, I have never even had a boyfriend…" That last thing was not something that I wanted to admit, as it made me seem pathetic. It wasn't like I had never been asked out, that was frequently happening. I just couldn't risk dating. I couldn't risk them finding out about me. I never even told Akihito.

Noticing that the captain had been silent for a while, I looked back up into his narrowed eyes. "What."

"I believe you then." He murmured. I heard him, but wasn't satisfied.

"What did you sat captain?" I taunted.

"I said I fucking believe you ok? Happy now?" He looked away with a childish expression.

I smiled lightly and nodded my head. "Yeah. Now will you get off of me so I can sleep? I want to get up early tomorrow so I can train." I moved to push him off and to my surprise he let go of me and rolled to the side. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him on our sides. Our faces close. His warmth engulfing me and making me feel oddly comfortable. .

"Why are you always training so hard?" He asked, his breath caressing my face.

I looked down. "I need to get stronger."

HE raised an eyebrow at me. "You're strong enough as it is though. You defeated that fourth seated officer. Hell, I might have to promote you to 6th seat next rankings." He grinned. I didn't smile back.

"I'm not strong enough. I would do anything to get stronger, and faster. I need the power to protect those I care about, to protect myself. That control… I am so desperate I almost took up the captain of the second division's offer." I realized once I said it that I shouldn't have.

"Offer?" His face grew dark.

It was too late to take it back now. "Yeah. She offered me a seat as her fourth division officer. I figured if I took it I would have more access to power, more time to train." I admitted.

"Then why did you decline?"

"I don't know.. I guess I just like the eleventh… Captain Unohana helped me understand. She asked what my favorite division was and I told her the eleventh. It was such a simple solution and yet… that captain is a genius." I smiled.

"Good." Kenpachi growled his chest rumbling. His arm tightened around me and pulled me closer, pressing me up against him.

I smiled and fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.


	19. She understands

The next few weeks passed by with ease. The same old patterns. I would wake up and train, then eat, do paperwork, eat, train and then clean, then train more, than eat again, then train and then go back shower and garnish some energy from Kenpachi. We never said anything about that night when he told me he wanted to have me. He never brought it up and I was far too eager to forget it and save myself the embarrassment. When I sucked energy from him at night it was just that. There was some heat to it, but he made it clear that it was just to give me energy and I accepted those terms.

I felt weird. As every day went by, I smiled a little less. It was three weeks until the wedding and I aged a year with every day. Maybe not appearance wise, but mentally. I never cried, but I held a hollow feeling inside of me. Words almost couldn't describe it. I felt empty, alone. I mean, I had felt lonely before. God had I ever felt lonely.

But not like this. It was a feeling that dug a hole where your heart should be and began ripping, tearing you apart. It was physical and not just emotional. I suppose that that was what heartbreak was.

A day before the wedding, and I was still in denial. I just couldn't break it to my heart that this was happening. I hadn't seen Akihito for nearly a month. Whoever said that time and distance heals, has obviously never gone through what I was going through right then.

I crawled out of the bed, leaving the captain behind and went to train. It was still dark out, 4 in the morning. I raised my Zanpakuto above my head, the snow leaking in and through my socks but I didn't even bother noticing it.

I wasn't satisfied with my progress. I sliced through wooden dummies with all my force, using no reiatsu. I cut and sliced and hacked: trying to stretch myself to new heights.

I don't know how long it had been before I fell to the ground on my knees. It was obviously late though, seeing that the sun was out and in winter it didn't rise until about 9 in the morning. I had felt the snow seep through my clothes and soak my knees and legs. I cried out in frustration and fell back.

"Fuck!" I shouted. It wasn't working. I was still too weak. I could never protect anyone or anything like this. I slammed my fist on the ground and lay there, staring up at the sky. The snow was falling again, like gentle kisses on my eyelashes cheeks and lips.

"This is happening… Tomorrow I will lose him…" I sadly turned over and got up. I didn't need this.

I walked back to the captain's room and towards the bathroom where I stripped and bathed. I felt better once I was clean and warm. The blisters on my hand enjoyed the soak as well.

I got out and wrapped myself in one of the captains large towels. I smiled softly when I noticed that he was still asleep. Digging through the drawers as quietly as I could, I found some salve and bandages and applied and wrapped them around my hands to cushion the blisters.

I almost tear up thinking about how hard I was working and ho little advancement I was making. One month and I had not even gone up a seat in level or ranking.

"What are you doing today?" Heavy footsteps walked up to me. I turned around and looked up at the captain.

"I am supposed to go shopping with Yumichika for a nice kimono for the wedding tomorrow." I said blankly, standing up, clutching the towel to my body. I opened up my drawer and pulled out my sweets and white halter top.

"You are going to that wedding?" He asked, something about his tone sounded wrong.

"Of course. He was my best friend for nearly a century... how could I not." I shrugged it off nonchalantly. Before any more could be said, I slipped into the bathroom and changed again.

I stalled coming out. I brushed my hair, teeth, and even got so desperate to stall I put on some toner that Yumichika had presented me with. I had no idea what it was for or what it did other than feel sticky, but whatever works.

Bored, I walked out and to my annoyance the captain was still there. "Do you need something captain Zaraki?" I asked politely.

"Meet me here at midnight. Don't be late." He growled, thrusting a piece of paper into my hand and then walking off. I shrugged it off and stashed the piece of paper in my pocket. I would figure it out later.

When I went to meet Yumichika, there were three people with him. Yachiru, Ikakku and a strawberry blonde haired beauty. I immediately knew who she was even though I had never met her before. Rangiku Matsumoto AKA the most beautiful girl in soul society.

I bowed my head in a quick gesture of respect. "lieutenant Matsumoto."

"waa! So cute!" the beauty squealed, pulling me close and practically squishing myself against her breasts. I had always thought that I had large breasts as C's, but I was wrong for the ones squishing me.. they probably didn't even have a letter…

I was as tall as this girl, and yet she made me feel much younger and more juvenile. I pushed myself away, trying to breath.

"Matsumoto! stop trying to kill the poor girl!" An angry voice rang out. I half expected it to be Ikakku or captain Zaraki. To my surprise it was someone I hadn't even noticed. Hi wore a captains haori and looked no older than 12. His hair was the same color as mine and even more unruly. He was able to hide his spiritual energy so well and just his aura emitted power. I widened my eyes.

"You're captain Hitsugaya!" I pointed rather rudely. He narrowed his eyes and I stopped talking, put my hand down. I also added a little sugar on top by bowing politely. "I mean… nice to meat you captain."

I heard a sigh and rose. I wanted to join the tenth when I first entered the seireitei. I had heard of the boy genius captain who controlled the frosted heavens. It was like a fairy tale. And if I had joined his division, I knew he would ever fall for me, him being so young. Not just that though, he was a hard worker and one of the most mature captains. I truly admired him.

"Um Zlo.. you're looking kinda creepy right now…" Ikakku whispered in my ear. I jumped and wiped the admiration out of my eyes.

"Hehe... sorry. You're just one of my favorite captains so yeah…" I blushed slightly, awkward silence prevailing between everyone.

Luckily we had Yachiru.

"Zlo! You and Icy~chan look alike!" She yelled, looking between the both of us and then taking off towards the rukongai. I laughed lightly while he captain of the tenth just frowned and his lieutenant tried to make him smile but only managed to get them all to yell.

I walked besides Ikakku and Yumichika as we passed the dirty roads. Though the three of us were not in our uniforms, we still got stares. I looked down at the ground. "So Yumichika, why are there so many people here?" I asked.

A smile lit up his face. "Well, I was going so then of course Ikakku was going. And then Yachiru found out and wanted to go too so we said ok. But then Ikakku didn't want to go anymore so I said fine. But then Rangiku said she wanted to go so then he changed his mind. But then I didn't want to go because she was going so then after an hour of fighting over it in her division captain Hitsugaya got so fed up with it that he said that he would go so then Rangiku was so excited she said she would go for sure and I figured that if he was coming along she might be a little less obnoxious."

I sweat dropped, wondering if he had breathed at all in that sentence.

"You shouldn't have even asked." Ikakku said, making us both laugh.

We walked to a little store where unfortunately, Yumichika and Rangiku were going to take a while. I sat back with Ikakku and Hitsugaya, looking around awkwardly.

"Um… so… you guys going to get something?" I asked.

They both nodded but made no motion to do anything. I shook my head in exasperation. "Well c'mon you two. We should get something before those two realize we haven't picked and decide to help us… I need to be outta here by 5." I reached for their hands, pulling them both over to a section of the store with male and female kimono's.

Hitsugaya reached out and picked up the closest thing. A green males kimono with a raindrop pattern. I looked at it and sweat dropped.

"With all due respect captain... One) that will never fit you-" I watched in amusement as his eyebrow twitched. "And two… um… I think that if Yumichika and Rangiku saw how ugly that was then they would make you go back which would cost us another hour…"

He rolled his eyes. "Then you pick one out." I frowned, that was not what I was expecting. I sighed and rummaged through the kimonos. I pulled out a simple dark blue one with white trim.

I held it up to him. "Here: This one will be perfect."

He took it and looked it over. I held my breath, afraid he would reject it. He didn't. "IT's perfect."

I smiled and went on searching for my own. I found one and was surprised by it elegant form.

It was white with a phoenix on the back. (((((.com/K-4209-Turquoise_ ))))) The bird was blue and its feathers all outlined with gold trim. It was breathtaking. From the phoenix shot out long strips of feathers going all through the kimono and to the sleeves and bottom. They were varying shades of a light blue to a blue that was almost white. On the end of half of the extravagant tail feathers were three paulownia leaves. The middle leaf was blue with darker blue webbing and on either side of it a gold leaf with light blue webbing. On the other half of the webbings there were silver and gold paulownia blossoms. It was worn so that it draped on the floor and swirled gracefully, making the bird look alive.

I held my breath as my eyes lit up with want. I rarely wanted clothes but this one was perfect. I timidly looked at the price tag. My eyes widened. Over 200 thousand yen.. With a defeated sigh I placed it back. That was a month's pay and I just couldn't afford it.

I continued searching but a hand on my shoulder made me stop. I looked back with curiosity to see the captain of the tenth with a hand on my shoulder. He picked up the white kimono from before. "Here."

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"I'll buy it for you." He shrugged.

I frowned. Captains were the highest paid members of soul society, but I still couldn't allow that. "No. Captain I don't accept charity."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. It won't be charity then. You can pay me back in payments. Ten thousand yen a month. That way in 25 months it will be yours." He said, shoving the kimono in my arms.

"Wait 25 months? But that would mean I am paying you 50,000 yean extra!" I protested at his faulty math.

"Interest." He shrugged it off, walking towards the counter. I mock pouted and it had no affect on him. Once he couldn't see me though, I lit up in a small smile. This captain really was a genius.

It took another hour until everyone was done looking around. It was a little past noon. "We should head back…" The captain and I said at the same time, turning around. All of them, even Yachiru stared at us and sweat dropped. We glared. "What!"

They started laughing and we just looked at each other and shook our heads.

"Aww! C'mon you two! Let's go to the spa to get all pretty for tomorrow!"

I rolled my eyes but followed anyways.

"Ah! Nothing like a good soak in the hot springs to make yourself look beautiful!" The beautiful lieutenant exclaimed as she sank into the water besides me. She tilted her head back and relaxed. I only wish I could do the same.

I found my mind wandering to things. Things I am pretty sure anyone could have guessed about. It was as if when tomorrow came, I would be no more. Perhaps that was what I was afraid of. What did it matter after all? I needed to focus on training and perhaps when they got married, I would finally be able to break it to my heart. I would finally be able to focus on just my training without a broken heart.

That was improbable though. I would always be lying to my heart it seemed. I sighed.

"Who is he?"

My eyes popped open and I looked towards the lieutenant. "Excuse me?"

"The guy!"

Confused still I tilted my head. She rolled her eyes. "The guy you like and are sighing over."

I widened my eyes. "How did you know? I never…"

She smiled. "There's only one thing that can make a girl sigh like that with such a sad facial expression. You like a guy and there's something complicated. Ne?"

I was surprised that this girl would know so much. "Yeah…. It is a guy."

"What's wrong with you two?" She asked, scooting closer and looking at me.

I swallowed and looked down at my hands. "Nothing. There's nothing wrong. This is ho it's supposed to be…"

"You don't believe that." She smiled sadly at me.

I chuckled. "Yeah. Guess I don't… how could I.. I just..." I bit my lip.

"You can't break it to your heart. You still have a little bit of hope that keeps you holding on right?"

I nodded.

"You should confront him. Tell him how you feel."

I snorted in disbelief. "No. He told me himself that he didn't like me. It would be stupid to tell him just to be laughed at."

"You're wrong. Tell him. There is nothing worse than regret. Nothing that will tear you apart like that. If you don't tell him you will regret it forever. You will wonder what if. Tell him…" She said, her eyes meeting mine.

I rolled my eyes and looked down again. "You're the prettiest girl in the seireitei, you could have any guy. As if you would know what it is like to be broken hearted, to be denied, left behind, and rejected." I growled before even thinking about it.

When no response came I looked back up and stopped breathing.

"I-I'm sorry… I don't know why I said such a thing.." I apologized. The look in the girl's eyes was all to familiar, seen in the mirror too much: Pain. It was as if I had hit her where it hurt most.

"no.. You're right. Only those closest to me would ever guess that I have loved and lost."

My mind raced, wondering who would have denied this girl. I couldn't think of one person.

"Just trust me Zlorecile... Tell him..."

I nodded my head, though I knew I probably wouldn't. After all, regret couldn't be much worse than heartbreak.

"Ah! It's getting so late! 4:45 already? We should get going. You had plans huh?" She asked her face back to its usual cheeriness. It gave me the strength needed to get up and go.

"Hey Matsumoto, do you know where this is?" I pulled out the piece of paper and she smiled.

"Yeah! I used to go there all the time. C'mon after we tell the rest of the guys I will show you ok?"

I nodded and followed her out of the spa and into the changing rooms.


	20. Smile for me

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach, otherwise there would be MUCH more time for Zaraki… hell the whole series would be about Zaraki *drools*

Also the stuff that I borrowed from **boys over flowers **isn't mine. This includes one or two quotes. ^^

OH! And an apology. I couldn't update for the longest time because was acting up. Sorry!

When a guy hands you a piece of paper, telling you to be at that address sometime in the evening, you usually expect some –star restaurant, or a date or something… usually. Unless that guy is Kenpachi Zaraki. Then you really don't know what to expect.

Right now, the place I was standing besides was definitely not what I expected. "Um... Matsumoto… is this really the right place?" I asked.

She nodded enthusiastically. "Of course!"

I looked at the empty field. That was it? Just a field that right now was covered in snow? I raised an eyebrow. "Why would he want to meet here in a field?"

She started laughing. "You mean you don't know?"

I felt my eyebrow twitch. "If I knew I wouldn't be asking ya!"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, you will find out soon enough. By the way, who invited you here?"

I blushed and looked down. I have no idea why, but I did. "Um, the captain did…"

"Which captain?" Her eyes were wide with curiosity and the look on her face was adorable. If went that way she would probably be my first choice. Fortunately I didn't.

"Captain Zaraki…" I tried to wipe the blush from my face.

She lit into a big smile. "oooh! I am sooo going to tell the women at our next meeting!" She squealed, taking off with a wave. I frowned, not knowing what she as talking about but having a feeling that I had just told someone who likes gossip.

I turned back around, staring into the open field with a glare. I was two minutes early and if that captain did not show up in one minute I was going to leave. I didn't even know why I came in the first place Curiosity gets the cat I guess.

"Ugh! When is that big oaf going to get here?" I called out 30 seconds later in anger, my temper boiling wondering how he dare complain about me being there and then forgotten about it completely. I was about to turn around when I felt a crushing spiritual energy engulf me.

I turned around smiling nervously. "Hey captain…"

"Big oaf now huh?" He raised an eyebrow. I rubbed the back of my head.

"Well, you call me a crazy bitch so.. payback?" I asked innocently, laughing. He rolled his eyes.

"C'mon." He growled, grabbing my hand and walking towards the field.

We both froze, looking down at the hand. We were holding hands? I blushed. He looked from the hand to my face and then just shrugged it off and continued. I huffed behind him. He was holding my hand and just brushed it off like it was nothing. This man did not have a romantic side it seemed. I sighed.

He held out his Zanpakuto and I tensed, wondering what he would do with it. If he would kill me or try to fight me. Was that why we were here in this empty lot? To spar? I loved training, but fighting against this man was too much for me. He would kill me in one hit. Frankly I was not ready to die.

However, the large captain did not try to attack. He kept a tight hold of my hand and opened a senkaimon. I widened my eyes. This was what that empty field was for? I looked up to the captain for an explanation but none was offered to where we were going or why the senkaimon was here.

I sweatdropped, feeling like a doll as he took me through the dangai, the hell butterfly flying above us to lead.

Life was a bitch sometimes, but other times it was pretty good. Or so I learned when I stepped out and into a crowded area. I looked around with wide eyes. I had seen pictures of this place in magazines, but never actually been.

"I-Italy! You took me to Italy! What the fuck? I love you!" I squealed, running through the crowd and pointing at everything eagerly. "Look! Oh my gosh! Kenpachi! I- I- look!"

My excitement was bubbling over. I had always wanted to go to Venice. Buy the little masquerade mask thingies, go sailing in the little boats whose name I always, and I mean always, forgot. It was like a dream. I was about to run off and over the water when a big hand grabbed the back of my shihakusho.

I looked over and up at the man. "What!" I pouted.

He smirked and held out an item. "C'mon, we need to get into these gigai."

I smiled and nodded, grabbing it. I had never had a gigai before so I wondered what it would look like. Together we walked into a restaurants bathroom, one of those family ones.

I watched him slip into the gigai and smirked. "Not bad." I winked. He was wearing a pair of designer jeans, a red t-shirt with a brown jacket over it. His eye patch was gone and his hair was back in a low ponytail. I laughed at his scowl.

"Tch, try your own gigai on before you start laughing." His glower turned into a smirk.

I gulped, not so sure what he meant but having a bad feeling. I put on the gigai. He was grinning wide. I pushed him aside and looked in the mirror. I almost barfed.

It was an extremely tight blue dress with nearly no back and the front going down way too far. It cut off just below my butt and had no straps. I swallowed harder the more I looked. I had on a white scarf with blue and silver embroidery around my neck. One inch long earrings with silver spirals dangling down and a diamond chain in the middle of it. My silver hair was pulled back in a half updo with elegant curls. What made my face turn red with near anger was the fact that I had makeup on. It made my lips look plump and shiny, my eyes popped out with mascara and my cheeks had a healthy bronze blush. I spun around and glared at him. "What the fuck captain!" I hollered. "What the fuck is up with this outfit! Who designed this?" I hollered angrily.

"I guess I owe that captain of the twelfth some credit. He was looking up modern fashion for the future, in order to blend in. I think he did well. It makes me want to take you right here and now." He smirked, his mouth inches from my ear.

My eye twitched and I elbowed him in the side of the face making him fall back. I made a step for the door but fell myself.

My eyes widened. I was wearing heals. White stiletto's with straps that went up my ankles. I gulped. I had never worn heals before. I looked up at the captain to see him laughing. "S-Shutup! I don't know how to walk in heels!" I growled angrily. He only laughed harder.

"Just help me up." I said, reaching my hand up. He took it, laughing all the while. He let go but I grabbed the hand again. He raised an eyebrow. "If you let go I will fall again..." I admitted. He only laughed again and wrapped an arm around my waist, giving me the needed support but making me wonder if I would rather fall. Our bodies so close together, I felt heat rise to my face.

He opened the door and we stepped out, walking down a small hall and into the main restaurant. It was a little café. I felt eyes on us and tried to brush it off. Instead I looked at the menu.

"Captain! Look! " I exclaimed, pointing at the menu. I froze, realizing I had just spoken fluent Italian and understood what I had said. I looked at the captain with wide eyes for an explanation.

"The only reason I got the head captain to let us come here was if I would test out the modern fashion and another experiment that the captain of the twelfth was testing out. I dunno how the fuck it works but basically it means that we go to Italy and speak Italian, we go to France and speak French, so on." He growled low in perfect Italian. I widened my eyes. That was so cool!

"Excuse me, but can you understand me?" I reached out and put a hand on the shoulder of one of the waiters passing by.

He looked over to me, a smile lighting up his face. "Of course." He said.

I was too excited to even care that he was staring me up and down. I grabbed the captain's arm tried to nudge him away, which was hard to do concidering he was the only thing keeping me standing. "C'mon! We should get something to eat! All that shopping with captain Hitsugaya made me tired." I whined.

"Tch, crazy bitch…" the captain growled but left with me nonetheless. . "hmm…" I put a finger to my lips, looking in the windows of different pastry shops. There was one that caught my eye. Pasticceria Marchini.

"This one!" I exclaimed, trying to get the captain to walk inside with me. He sighed in defeat and together we went in.

I walked up to the counter where a curly haired Italian boy was taking orders. I already knew what I wanted. "I will take one of those please." I said, pointing to the gelato, caramel.

"What size can I get you?" He asked, getting a scooper ready.

"Hey captain you're paying right?" I said my eyes wide. HE rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Then the largest one you have. Actually make two. One for me and one for this guy. Both in cones."

The man smiled, his pearly white teeth flashing. He was god looking and couldn't help but blush a little. I felt the captain's grip around my waste tighten and looked up. He glared down at me. I rolled my eyes and nudged him back. He was jealous. The thought made me giggle slightly.

"Bitch…" he mumbled just loud enough for me to hear. I glared and opened my mouth to say something but agree gelato being shoved forward made me stop. I took the cone with a grin and made my way to the counter to pay.

Kenpachi took out a wallet and threw a few bills on the counter. Grabbing his ice cream and me grabbing mine, he swung me around and walked outside to the balcony. It was nearly twilight. He sat us on a bench. My feet relished in the rest. I looked around with wide eyes.

"Isn't this place amazing? Don't you just wish you could just… escape forever here? Never have to worry about real life?" I sighed contently.

He snorted. "That would be cowardly."

I smiled. He was brash, but Kenpachi would not be Kenpachi if he was not so cruel.

"Yes but even if its cowardly it I-" I was cut of my a rose in my face. I blinked. A mime dressed in black and white with white face paint looked at me. His eyes wide with the black tear streaks. He thrust the rose in my face again. I reached out to take it but before I could the captains hand reached out to grab it. The mime pulled it back, jutting out his finger and waving it back and forth in a reprimanding fission.

I giggled watching it. The captain glared and stood up. The mime pretended to fall back and then scramble up. He then ran in circles as if freaking out. The crowd gathered and I laughed along with it. The large man crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, obviously aiming to pretend he was above these foolish games.

The mime pretended to tip toe away like a mouse avoiding a cat. He reappeared besides me again, the rose once again in his hand. He held it out and I reached out to take it once more. But the mime pulled back with mock horror on his face. He shivered and pointed to the intimidating man standing behind me. The mime stepped back and took a deep breath, thrusting out his chest. He took the rose and slipped it between his teeth. He then mimed an invisible sword, bowing and then charging at the captain. I started to laugh again as he made a slashing motion on the captains chest. He widened his eyes and jumped back. He looked at his invisible sword and hit it. He walked over to the bench and began beating it on the bench, wondering why it wasn't working.

The crowd all joined in laughing. He shrugged and tossed it aside. He then barred his fists, jumping up and down like a boxer. He moved his hand in a mock punch to the captain's gut. The captain growled and made to punch the mime right back. The mime threw his hands up in the air. He ran back over to me and removed the rose from his mouth then stuck it in my hair. He then kissed me on the cheek before winking and running off like a madman to go torment someone else.

I was left giggling like a schoolgirl. That only seemed to anger the captain. He stormed over and pulled me up. "Oi! You fucking Fucktard! What's your problem?" I glared. He just wrapped his arm around my waste and pulled me along down the street. I reached up and gently touched the rose in my hair, smiling.

We passed by a stand and I nudged him. My ice cream almost gone by now. He grunted and we walked over to a stand of masks. I rummaged through them. I picked up one with a long beak and put it on his face, surprising him. I giggled. It was black and red. He just stared at me. I blushed and looked down, picking up a different mask.

This one was red with silver and gold swirls through it. It fit him better. "This one. You should get this one captain." I smiled. He took it and shrugged. He looked around and pulled out a mask off the rack himself.

It was a girl's one. White with blue glittery swirls in it and gild outlining the blue. The whole mask was outlined in a gold rim as well. The eyeholes decorated with the gold and black. A single blue gem rested on the forehead of it. It was small and shapely. "It's perfect. I'll get this one."

We walked over and paid for the masks. I tied the one that the captain got on his face and he did the same for me. It felt so silly, unusual. I never would have imagined that I would be walking through Venice at night with my captain the night before the love of my life was to get married. I sighed and leaned against the captain as we walked. He stopped next to the canal.

"Here." He tossed a wad of bills into the hand of a man standing beside a boat. The man took it and counted his eyes wide with glee.

"This way sir. " He waved us inside the gondola. I nearly fell but the captain was right there to catch me. We sat down on the padded seats besides each other. The boat owner took his place in the back of us. I sighed. This was all too perfect. And then he started singing.

I sighed and leaned against the captain, my head resting on his chest. "So what is this all for?" I asked.

Kenpachi shrugged.

"I mean, why the trip to Venice? The ice cream, the masks, and this ride? If I don't know you better I would believe that you were falling for me." I laughed.

"Tch, as if." He growled. I just smiled.

"But really captain. Why go out of your way to do this?"

"Can't you just appreciate it?" He frowned. I didn't answer, hoping he would just tell me if I stayed quiet. He did. "You look best when you smile."

"What?" I asked, utterly confused.

"I wanted to see you smile ok?" He growled.

"What do you mean? Don't I always smile?" I asked, confused. Why was I always confused around this guy? That was something I wanted to know.

"You haven't smiled lately. All you do is mope around and train. It's pathetic."

I was taken aback. Slightly hurt by his words but knowing they were true. "Sorry…"

He wrapped his arm around me and held me close. "Tch you can pay me back for this night later."

I raised an eyebrow under my mask. "And how? You know that I don't really have that much money as a seventh seat."

"Not money. I want a promise." He mumbled so low I almost didn't hear. My curiosity was piqued.

He bent over and removed my mask. He looked me in the eyes. I wanted to look away. "Promise me that after tomorrow you will still smile."

I swallowed hard. "I- I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't try to fucking bullshit me. We both know why you're acting this way. After tomorrow, you may never smile again. So promise me." He growled low, his face next to mine.

I reached up and pulled of his mask. "I promise… I promise captain... I…" My words were cut off by tears as they ran slowly down my face.

He leaned in and slowly kissed them away. "Stop fucking crying."

I only felt the tears fall quicker. They were silent tears, running down. That hollow feeling was back in my heart, ripping me apart. I took a shaky breath.

Then I felt his lips meet mine in a firm, crushing kiss. A kiss that matched this man perfectly, strong, passionate and rough. I kissed him back, the tears didn't stop. I could taste them.

"I can't" I whispered against his lips between kisses.

He grunted in reply. I realized that this was the first time we had kissed for something other than energy. I broke the kiss, looking into his eyes.

"Thank you captain.. I think I can keep that promise." I smiled against his lips as we joined together once more.


	21. I Do

A/N: About the mount thing… I feel like I read that in another fan fiction before... not sure .

When I woke up the next day, it was to Yumichika nudging me awake. I growled low. "What the fuck Yumichika? Don't you know how to knock?"

"I _did _knock. You and the captain were sleeping to deep to hear. Besides, the door was unlocked." He said; tossing his hair over his shoulder with his head held high. I growled and nudged the captain who was asleep next to me.

"Oi! Captain! Time ta get up." I called, sitting up myself and clambering over the large man to get out of bed. He growled and wrapped a hand around my waste, pulling me back down and onto the bed. I blushed a little at the way Yumichika was staring.

"Oi! Ya fuckwad! There's someone in here! We need get up." I whispered harshly

He rolled over so that he was practically on top of me, putting his face in my neck. I was surprised that he didn't crush me, being most likely but I supposed that stamina came from being able to crash through buildings and get right back up.

"Tell 'em to go away." He said sleepily. I rolled my eyes and was about to hit him upside the head when the door opened again and this time Ikkaku walked in. He looked at the two of us, then at the smiling face of Yumichika, then back at us.

"W-What the fuck! I thought you two hated each other!" He shouted, pointing with a blush. "Since when were you guys sleeping together!"

I rolled my eyes. "We ain't sleeping together ya dipshit! Were just… sleeping in the same bed until I get my own…" I realized how awkward that sounded and blushed myself. The captain growled into my neck, sending shivers down my spine and making me realize how wrong this looked.

"Captain, we should really get up right now…" I whispered in his ear. He just wrapped his arms around me and held on tighter.

I growled a warning. He took no heed. My eye twitched.

Two minutes later we both emerged. The captain rubbing a red mark on his face while I smiled triumphantly. The third seat was still laughing uncontrollably.

"Shut the fuck up Ikkaku!"I hollered, rolling my eyes. I tried my best to ignore him. I turned my attention to Yumichika. "Why the fuck are we up this easily anyways?"

"We need to leave at three in order to get to the venue. That leaves us with 6 hours: Two to get you ready, one for me, half of an hour for the lieutenant and one for the captain and Ikkaku!" He practically gushed. I glared.

"Why the fuck are you giving me two hours!" I asked, practically fuming.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

I would have slapped him had he not been in charge of my outfit and hair for the rest of the day. So instead I growled along with the captain as we were ushered into the captain's office. There, I sweatdropped even more. There were curling irons of different shapes and sizes, makeup, a straightener, blow dryer and other object that I honestly had no idea what they were for. I took a step back, only to bump into the large captain. I looked up with a nervous smile and it was obvious he had not forgiven me for the morning. He smirked back down and slapped my ass, causing me to squeal and jump forward. I glared back with a blush. My glare was soon turning to Ikkaku who was laughing again. That glare seemed to shut him up.

"Come to the back room. I need to put lotion on your body so it will have a healthy glow. It's a new body lotion that I g-" A growl cut Yumichika's gushing off. We both turned to look at the captain of the eleventh who was glaring.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"Put lotion on her body."

"You're not touching h-What the fuck!" I had cut the captain off with a knock on the head.

"You idiot! What the fuck! He ain't gonna mount me damnit! It's Yumichika!" I glowered. Yumichika glared at me as if I had just called him gay, and Ikkaku was laughing at my weird choice of words and the captain's reaction.

Rolling my eyes I grabbed Yumichika's hand and dragged him to the back room, leaving a fuming captain and a laughing 3rd seat.

The applying of lotion took ten minutes. I wrapped myself in a towel for it. I knew Yumichika was not the kind of guy who would leer, but I still felt a little insecure wrapped in nothing but a towel and lying down with some guy rubbing lotion on me.

When we reemerged, I felt Ikakku staring me over in the towel a little too much. I stuck out my tongue at him and took a seat, preparing for an hour of torture for my hair and face. Luckily Yumichika sent Ikakku and the captain out to find Yachiru and bathe her.

An hour and ten minutes later Yumichika had somehow found a way to make me look better. I had to give him credit. I looked better than ever before. I glared at my reflection. Looking better was not something I needed. The demon side of me made sure that I didn't need anything extra to look appealing to men. I found that my looks just served as a reminder of what I was. What I couldn't escape. Most importantly, what I was most afraid of.

"You did good Yumichika…" I mumbled, peeling my eyes away from the mirror. He practically glowed at the praise and I could have sworn I saw little hearts surrounding him. I smiled softly and shaking my head followed him so he could dress me.

Once we were all done Yumichika tried to confine me to a room in the back. He told me to get some beauty rest. I fought adamantly against it and eventually he gave in and let Rangiku take me back to the courtyard in order to rest and eat something. Of course with the type of kimono I had, it dragged along the floor so together we had somehow managed to pull it up.

I liked Rangiku Matsumoto. She was a nice girl, fun loving, and loved to help people. She seemed like the type who could make friends wherever she went through just being herself. I was a little jealous of her. She was dressed up as well. Her kimono was white as well with pink cherry blossoms decorating it. I had growing apprehension as we neared the eleventh division, feeling like it was a bad idea.

"Um lieutenant… I think it might be better to go to the twelfth division…" I mumbled in her ear as we neared courtyard.

"Ah! Nonsense. That's so far away! Besides here we can show off how gorgeous we look!" She exclaimed with her smile on as ever. I had a feeling that showing off might be exactly what she was aiming at. Luckily it was after lunch so nobody should be around.

We had to walk through the training grounds get there, which brought every eye on the yard to us. I swallowed hard and stood closer to Matsumoto, glaring at the ground.

"Um Lieutenant… Are you SURE about this?" I whispered harshly. She just shrugged it off and walked into the courtyard where we sat under a roofed area.

She then dismissed me quickly and shunpo'd off, saying she would be right back. She was gone for nearly five minutes. I was left feeling nervous, especially as I felt eyes on me. The guys had slowly sauntered into the courtyard, not to close though, but in a position to get a view. Some of them were polite enough to hide their stares, some tried to but failed, and most of them just stared openly without shame. I put my head in my hands, cursing my luck.

That was when Matsumoto shunpo'd back in with a large smile on her face. "Here!" She tossed a bag of dried persimmons, a blanket for us to sit on, and a bottle of sake on the table.

I laughed lightly, taking a seat. "What's up with the sake? We really shouldn't get drunk before the wedding. "

"Of course not! We get drunk after! This is for our guests!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Guests?"

"We have to have someone to keep the men away! Ah! Speaking of them! Ukitake-Taichou! Hisagi! Kyoraku-Taichou! Kira!" She called out. I widened my eyes and blushed at the group of extremely handsome men approached. My eyes lingered especially on the one with long white hair and the one with a 69 tattoo. I bit my lip and looked down. Unfortunately Matsumoto caught my look. She winked at me and nudged me as they walked over. I was sure that I was blushing.

"Ah guys! Meet Zlorecile, 7th seat of the eleventh. We're going to a wedding later today but have a few hours as Yumi gets the rest of the guys ready." She gushed, scooting over and allowing the guys to fit on the blanket. "Zlorecile this is Hisagi, fukutaichou of the 9th division." She pointed to the guy with the tattoo.

"Nice to meet you Zlorecile." He bowed, taking a seat next to Rangiku. I bowed my head in reply.

"This is Kira. He's the lieutenant of squad three." Her grin was ever present but I could have sworn I saw a little something flash through her eyes that was akin to pain. Perhaps regret. It made me think of how I had promised her to confess to Akihito. It was too late now though.

"H-hello." Kira greeted, knocking me out of my thoughts. I smiled and watched as he took a seat next to Hisagi.

"And these two men are Captain Jushirou Ukitake of squad thirteen, and Shunsui Kyoraku of squad eight." She distinguished the white haired captain from the one wearing a straw hat and a pink kimono.

"Pleasure to meet you Zlorecile." Ukitake greeted with a smile, sitting next to me. I but my bottom lip harder and nodded.

"Hello there pretty girl. I have heard much about you." The captain of the 8th had his own unique greeting style. He bent down to grab my hand and gently kissed it. I knew my face was bright red. If it had been a member of the eleventh, they probably would have received a black eye for attempting such a thing. But coming from someone like the captain of the eighth, with his reputation with women going strong, I was nervous. There was also the fact that he was one of the strongest captains, even going against the head captain once. He had been captain the third longest as well -The head captain as the oldest and Retsu Unohana coming in second- it was an intimidating thing.

"Come on Kyoraku; don't give the girl a heart attack." Ukitake intervened, coming to my rescue with a wink. That almost affected me more. Rangiku took one look at me and then started laughing.

"S-shutup…" I mumbled under my breath.

They didn't. The next hour was occupied by Kyoraku saying things to me that made me blush, Ukitake lightly scolding him in a manner that made me blush more, and the other three laughing at my red face. It was distracting me, but it was making me embarrassed.

"So Zlorecile, you have a man in your life?" captain Kyoraku asked after quite a few shots of sake, enough to be tipsy.

"Shunsui, leave the poor girl alone. After all, I am sure that someone so beautiful would have a man in her life, waiting to marry her. Am I right?" Ukitake smiled sweetly. I turned red yet again and chuckled.

"Ah well if she doesn't there can always be one." Captain Kyoraku winked.

"A-actually I don't h-"

"Yeah she does have a man in her life." The captain of the eleventh appeared behind me, cutting off my sentence and making me nervous. He was wearing a plain tux and stroked a handsome figure standing there in front of me like that. My lust was short lived though.

"Captain?" I asked, looking back. He glared at the other two captains.

"Tch, just shut up and let's go." He growled pulling me to my feet. I saw everyone sitting down raise their eyebrows or widen their eyes. Hisagi and Kira even had their mouths hanging open.

"Captain. What. The. Fuck." I whispered harshly into his ears. He just smirked and picked me up like I was a sack of rice. He shoved me over his shoulder.

"We need to get to the wedding. We'll meet you there Matsumoto." He said, turning around and leaving stunned faces. I didn't even try to fight out of his grip. It would be impossible. It did look weird though, walking through the seireitei on the shoulder of the large and feared captain of the eleventh.

"Captain! I can walk you know!" I growled into his ear.

"Don't want to get dirty do you?" He said. I realized his point. This kimono trailed on the ground. I rolled my eyes.

"Where are Yachiru and Ikkaku and Yumichika?"

"They left without us. We'll meet them in the wedding."

"oh…" A long silence continued. "Captain?"

"What do you want?" He grunted.

I hesitated, not sure if I should ask him. After a long minute I gave in. "Captain… Do you still hate me? Or more… do you hate me as much as before?" I was embarrassed by the question.

He didn't answer for what seemed like ages. He finally looked back at me. I looked down. I didn't want to see those eyes.

"No." He said.

"huh? No you don't hate me as much or no you hate me more?"

"I still fucking can't stand you, but I don't hate you quite as much." He grunted.

I grinned. It was better than nothing. He carried me the rest of the day to the gate of the venue where someone was checking the list. He set me down and allowed me to walk on the black carpet that le into the venue.

"Kenny!" Yachiru barreled towards us. I was set down with just enough time to reach out and catch her. I giggled.

"Yachiru. Be more careful. You could get hurt if I didn't catch you." I scolded lightly. She just grinned.

"But I knew you would catch me!"

I sweatdropped ant set her down. She took my hand and then Kenpachi's and led us to the front of the line.

"Let us in!" She ordered. I sweatdropped again.

"Calista, Kenpachi Zaraki and Yachiru Kusajishi." I told the man, who was practically sweating in the presence of the large captain. He glanced at his list but I honestly don't know if he even saw our names. He ushered us in too quickly.

I almost laughed but it was cut off as I saw the view. The snowy venue was nothing short of breathtaking. Tones of white and black and light pink were everywhere. The snowy ground surrounding the area.

Rows of black chairs were set up. The chairs each had a name on them. I walked through searching for mine. It was the first row on Akihito's side. I took a seat. I was saddened that the seat next to mine wasn't reserved for the captain.

"Bastard." Kenpachi grunted. Yachiru crawled up and into my lap, taking a seat. I smiled and let it pass. A stranger came up and took the seat beside me Zaraki growled.

"Captain beha-"

"Trade me seats." He said, interrupting me. The man looked up and his face paled. Even in a tux, Zaraki was deadly.

"O-of course…" The man squeaked, getting up and moving back as fast as his little legs could. I shook my head.

"Captain, you're setting a bad example for Yachiru." I frowned.

"Tch what are you her mother?" He growled back

"Yep!" Yachiru chirped.

I opened my mouth to talk but that was when I saw him. Standing over to the side. Just a glimpse, but I saw him. Akihito.

Kenpachi raised an eyebrow and turned to look where I was. The world seemed to slow down. The priest took his spot in the isle, the groom walked up to join him. I couldn't hear anything.

Even as the bridesmaids came and the flower girl pranced down the aisle, my attention was solely on Akihito. His eyes. His lips. His hair. The way he stood. I knew it all too well. I held onto Yachiru tight. The music started playing, warning me that the bride was coming. I forced myself to look away.

She was gorgeous. A noble in every sense of the word. Her dress trailed behind her; her hair was pinned up in extravagant curls, her figure combined with the dress, her veil… Karie looked nothing short of an angel. I couldn't find a fault anywhere.

I watched with baited breath as they recited their vows. Akihito smiled, he looked so happy. He only had one more line and it would all be done. His fate as hers, the new clan head. A noble with imaginable wealth and power.

His eyes scanned the crowd, frozen on mine. I refused to cry, to show any weakness. This was Akihito's dream. It had been for a long while.

~Flashback~

"_Hey Akihito what do you want most in the world?"_

"_I want to be rich! I want to have all the money in the world! We would never go hungry and I could eat all the candy in the world! We could wear fancy clothing and you could be my bride and we could have one of those huge weddings and the whole district would come! Captains too!"_

"_Why me as your bride?"_

"_Cause if I don't marry you nobody else would.."_

"_Gee thanks! You idiot!"_

"_AH! Don't hit me Calista! I'm sorry! Ow! I'm sorry."_

"_Tch then take it back!"_

"_Fine already! I lied!"_

"_Huh?"_

"_I want to become rich like a noble, and I want to marry you and have a huge wedding. I want to marry you because I love you the moistest in the whole wide world!"_

"_Now you're just lying. You suck up."_

"…"

"_Akihito. I would marry you though, even if it's just because you won't think anyone else would accept me."_

"_Huh? Then why would you marry me?"_

"_For your money! Duh!"_

"_Shoulda figured. You brat."_

"_hehe yep!"_

"_Here, pinky promise!"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Calista, you have to pinky promise me that you will marry me when we get older. If either one of us breaks it we will die!"_

"… _Isn't that a little harsh?"_

"_nope! Because I will definitely become rich and marry you! So there's no need to worry."_

"… _fine. I pinky promise I will marry you, death strike me if I disobey."_

"_Good! Now let's go try to steal some candy!"_

"_Tch you fatty!"_

_~End flashback.~_

The only thing missing was me. He was rich, and has a wonderful wedding. I smiled, trying to show my full support. He looked away and back at his bride. "I do."_  
_


	22. Truly, Madly, Deeply

The rest of the wedding passed in a blur. It was shameful, but I honestly wasn't paying attention to much. The priest finished his vows, the bridesmaid's walked out, and people started filling out to the large dining hall which also held the dancing room. And Yachiru both held one of my hands as they pulled me along to watch the cutting of the cake.

I stood with them, Yachiru bouncing happily and Zaraki holding onto my hand entirely too tight. I watched as Akihito cut the cake, the bride take some and put it on his nose, and him do the same. I watched as everyone sat down and there was a toast, as I absentmindedly raised my glass. Then the dancing started and the bride and father went out for the first dance, flowing brilliantly like the nobles they were. Then regular people started to dance as the father handed the groom off to the bride.

I just stood at the sidelines. Sometime throughout it all, a boy came up and asked me to dance. I was about to open my mouth, but Zaraki did that for me.

"No, get lost." He growled, and such an intimidating person never had to tell a guy twice. He was scurrying off.

"Well then captain surely you wouldn't deny giving her to me for a dance?" My heart stopped. I turned and looked into the eyes of Akihito. Zaraki's gripped on my hand tightened to an almost unbearable amount. They stared at each other for a long minute before finally the large captain relaxed.

"Tch, take her." He finally grunted, letting go of my hand, which Akihito took. His reddish brown hair was combed into place and he was looking more handsome then I had seen him in a long time, and that was saying something.

"May I have this Zlorecile?"

Not knowing what else to do, I nodded and allowed him to take me out to the floor. The music started playing and I recognized this song. "From this moment on" by Shania twain. The song almost brought a tear to my eyes. I pushed it down.

He put a hand on my waist and I put mine on his shoulders as we danced the slow dance close, but not so close that it could be misunderstood. A comforting silence engulfed us, like what we used to always have. We swayed to the music and for a moment I could almost imagine the two of us as if we were getting married. Such thoughts were cruel though, as when they stopped it would hurt all the more. I would afford it right now though. We danced to nearly the end of the song, our warmth engulfing one another. It was a Silent and peaceful warmth.

"Zlorecile." Akihito finally broke the silence. "About what I said before… on the roof, It isn't what you think. I was mad and I said some rude things but I didn't mean them."

"Stop." I ordered, looking up in all seriousness. I stared him down, straight in the eye. "Akihito don't tell me stuff like that. It will be easier to let go of you like this. And for the first time in a hundred and fifty years… I am ready to let go of you…"

"You c-"

"no. Say no more Akihito. Your love is waiting for you, your future. And… so is mine…" I looked back at Zaraki, Yachiru, Rangiku and Ikkaku and Yumichika. I smiled gently and turned back around.

_"It's not too late. It would only take one word, if you said you li-__"_

"No, don't finish that sentence Akihito, don't you dare. I have closure on this, I understand…" I took a deep breath and steadied my breathing. "This time I realize that you and I are from different worlds, just as the sky and the earth. We met as though in a dream, but now it is time for us to return to our own worlds."

IT took a long second for Akihito to respond. "This is the end of our story isn't it?" Akihito but his bottom lip as he always did when upset.

"Yes… 150 year long story, and it's time to close it so that we can begin anew. Both of us have new lives to live but, it was nice while it lasted Akihito. It really was. Thank you…" I let a tear fall down my cheek.

Akihito looked at it and reached to wipe it up. I shook my head no. This would be the last tear I shed over this wedding, over losing him like this.

"I guess I broke that promise we made… I'm sorry Zlorecile."

"Goodbye Akihito... I will see you around…"

"Goodbye Zlorecile…" The song ended and he let go of me and turned around, but not before I saw a matching tear fall down his cheek and onto the ground. I smiled sadly as I watched him go and turned back around to the rest of my friends.

I walked back over to them. Rangiku seemed to understand what had just happened. She gave me a smile. I nodded my head in return. The captain grabbed my hand and I turned to glare at him. The others smirked to themselves. Before I could stop him, the captain started moving towards the dance floor, his hand still wrapped tightly around mine. I gave him a quizzical look but he didn't stop moving.

He placed the both of us near the center, and what made us stand out the most were his height and my unnatural hair and Kimono. People moved away from the both of us and soon there was a small gap where we were. The music started

_I'll be your dream  
I'll be your wish  
I'll be your fantasy.  
_

"Uh captain, what are you doing?" I asked with utter confusion. The captain of the eleventh as not into dancing unless it was with tongues or blades.

_I'll be your hope  
I'll be your love  
Be everything that you need.  
_

"Dancing."

_I love you more with every breath_

"Why?"

_Truly madly deeply do.._

"Cause I fucking want to now shut up." He growled back, wrapping a large arm around my waist and pulling me close. I sighed but let him sweep me away the song played a little louder. I recognized it. "Truly, madly, deeply" by savage garden. The song made me laugh; it was ironic that I was dancing to it with the captain.

_I will be strong I will be faithful  
_

I wondered if it was a sign, to be dancing to this song. I shrugged it off as just a coincidence; there was nothing between me and the captain. I was pretty sure…

_'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning _

"Are you even paying attention?"

_A reason for living._

"huh? Yeah! Just listening to the song sorry captain."

_A deeper meaning._

He rolled his eyes "Females, so fucking girly." He pulled me closer and started to move his feet slowly.

_I want to stand with you on a mountain.  
I want to bathe with you in the sea._

"S-shut the fuck up" I murmured. I allowed myself to lean my head against his chest and shoulder.

_I want to lay like this forever.  
Until the sky falls down on me..._

I closed my eyes as we swayed. I was surprised that the captain could be so smooth on his feet; I supposed it came with his swordplay. "Captain? Where did you learn to dance?"

_And when the stars are shining brightly  
in the velvet sky,  
I'll make a wish_

"Tch, of all questions you ask that? What a freak." He laughed with his eyes.

_Send it to heaven_

"Hey! I am not a freak; you're the one with the freaky reiatsu!"

_Then make you want to cry.._

"Ima take that as a compliment."

_The tears of joy_

"You would." I retorted, rolling my eyes. He chuckled, his chest moving when he did.

_For all the pleasure and the certainty.  
That we're surrounded_

I couldn't help but smile slightly at that. I sighed deeper into his chest and took a deep breath, breathing in his scent. He smelt good, musky like the stereotypical man. I loved his smell

_By the comfort and protection of..  
The highest power_

"What the hell are you doing?" Zaraki must have caught me taking a deep breath. I suppose I did look pretty intimate, my forehead on his chest; held so closely to him.

_In lonely hours.  
The tears devour you._

"You smell good." Was all I said. I couldn't see his reaction but his grip on my waist tightened.

_I want to stand with you on a mountain,_

"You are weird you know that?" He chuckled. I nodded against his chest and we continued to dance as a pair. It was amazing to me how well we moved together, you would not imagine it to be so. I could feel more than one pair of eyes on us. For the first time I didn't care about the attention. It was only to be expected, as the most feared captain of the seireitei had his arms wrapped around me. I smiled into his chest.

_I want to bathe with you in the sea.  
I want to lay like this forever,  
Until the sky falls down on me..._

"You kept your promise." Zaraki mused.

_Oh can't you see it baby?_

I opened my eyes and looked up quizzically. "huh?"

_You don't have to close your eyes_

"You're smiling." He was grinning.

_'Cos it's standing right before you.  
All that you need will surely come..._

I don't know why but I blushed and smiled again. I was content. "Captain… Let's go home."

_I'll be your dream  
I'll be your wish  
I'll be your fantasy.  
I'll be your hope  
I'll be your love  
Be everything that you need.  
I'll love you more with every breath  
Truly madly deeply do..._


	23. Unable to escape

Zaraki Kenpachi took me back to the bedroom and I plopped down on his bed with an exasperated sigh. My kimono was getting uncomfortable but I was entirely too mentally and physically exhausted to even bother with it. I reached up and let out my hair from its constricting hairstyle and sat back down on the bed. I tossed the hairpins onto the dresser.

The large captain walked over to the bed, standing over me. I smiled nervously. "Can I help you?"

"I need to know something. I promised myself to wait till after this fucking wedding, but I can't wait anymore. You are going to tell me what happened." He growled, bending over me and placing a hand on each side of me.

"Um... Captain what do you mean?" I was getting a bad feeling in my stomach.

"Tell me what happened that night, nearly 120 years ago with Yachiru. Tell me how she died." He growled, his eyes leaving no room for argument.

"No. I told you! I don't want to talk about it." I growled back.

The captain narrowed his eyes. "Listen here you little bitch. I deserve to know how the person I loved died! I want to know how you killed her down to the very last detail! If you don't tell me I will kill you. I deserve to know."

The look in his eyes, I saw it. Pain. I saw for the first time just how much Yachiru must have meant to him. I was never planning on telling him, but now I knew that that was wrong. He deserved to know. "Very well... I will tell you. Sit down. It's a long story…"

The large captain let go of me and sat down on the bed. I leaned against the wall.

"It was like any other day really. I woke up early with Akihito; Yachiru was fixing us something to eat. We were planning to go out to the woods for breakfast, like a picnic. I even remember what we were wearing. I had on a white summer dress and Akihito had on a blue yukata. Yachiru was as beautiful as ever in a pale green yukata…

"_Akihito! Give be that back! Mom! Akihito took my bread!" I complained childishly to Yachiru. The beautiful brown haired woman turned and looked at the both of us with a kind smile. _

"_Come on Akihito, stop picking on Zlorecile." She scolded gently. Akihito scowled but reached to give it back anyways. We both stopped though, as we hear rustling to our left, then to our right, front and behind us._

_Akihito moved closer to me. I didn't know why but I had a bad feeling about this, a bad instinct. I tensed and scooted closer to Yachiru as someone came into view. One man, a scruffy looking one. He didn't look good._

_Another came into view, and another, until there were nine or ten men in sight. "Zlorecile… what is going on?" Akihito whimpered, tugging on my dress. I looked down at the chubby boy what was my best friend and whole life and felt the fear he showed in his eyes. _

"_Mom?" I asked Yachiru in turn. She had the same fear in her eyes that Akihito held. I widened my eyes and looked back at the men, scooting closer to Akihito as well. _

"_Mom, Zlorecile… I'm scared…" Akihito whined._

_Yachiru tried her best to put herself between us and the scary looking men, but couldn't exactly do it considering that they were surrounding us in a circle. "What do you want?" She asked; her voice strong and confident despite the fear she showed in her eyes. I admired her all the more right then._

_They stayed quiet for a long moment, looking her over. I glared at them despite the fear that was making its way into my mind. How dare they set such ugly eyes on her. It was disgusting. They ignored me and eventually one man with a beard and ugly brown eyes spoke. "You are Yachiru am I right?"_

_Yachiru slowly nodded._

"_And the brats with you are Akihito and Zlorecile?"_

_Yachiru tensed up and gripped our shoulders. The man took that as a yes._

"_So you are the one who that nameless thing loves then." He snarled. I immediately knew who he was talking about. He was talking of the large man with immense spiritual pressure who could strike down any man with a single slash. Black hair and eyes stained with death. I didn't trust him or like him. For some odd reason Yachiru had fallen in love with the only person in the district who was more of a monster than me. Just her luck._

"_What is this about? State your business!" Yachiru demanded._

_The man continued to smirk nastily. "That monster has taken someone important to each of us. Brother, best friend, son or father. It is obvious that not even all of us could stand up against him. However… they say that a mental attack is more powerful than any physical one."_

_Yachiru stared at him with a frown, not understanding. I looked to Akihito, he didn't understand either. It clicked in my mind. The only way that these men could get to the nameless one would be to attack what he held dear. Yachiru. _

"_N-no! No! Don't come any closer! Don't you dare touch her!" I exclaimed loudly, angrily. Yachiru reached out for me but it was too late. I ran forward and at the man. My eyes flashed white for just a second. "You bastard!"_

_The man only smirked and reached out, catching me by the front of my dress. I reached to kick him but another hand caught my shoulder and pulled me away. Another hand joined that and together the three of them had my completely immobile._

"_Seems one of you three is smart enough to figure it out." The talkative man chuckled. I glowered darkly. I wouldn't let him touch her but… what could I do like this? I felt small tears sting the corners of my eyes._

"_Zlorecile! Don't you tough her!" Akihito yelled as well, though he was smart enough to resist running after the both the man like I had. I hung my head in shame._

"_Let the girl go." Yachiru said, her voice even and commanding._

_The man laughed a humorless laugh."Lei, grab the boy. Ima use this girl for our plan. This will hurt him even more."_

_A blonde haired boy moved towards Akihito. Yachiru moved in front of Akihito but in a flash she was stuck aside, she was no match. The man named Lei struck her in the face, sending her backwards and allowing him enough time to grab Akihito. I squealed. This was all happening too fast._

_They grabbed Akihito and pulled him to the side. The one known as lei put a blade against his neck and Akihito instantly stopped kicking his chubby little legs. I widened my eyes, this could NOT be happening._

"_Take this." The gruff man ordered, placing a dagger in my hands. "Take it or we kill him."_

_I gripped it tightly and they let me go. I ran back over to Yachiru. "M-mom…" I felt tears threaten to spill over once more. I bit my cheek. _

"_What do you want with them? Leave the three of us alone." Yachiru ordered, but her voice was starting to shake a little now. _

"_You are not in any place to order me around now are you Yachiru? We have your so–called son's life in our hands. But don't worry, we won't decide if he lives or dies… " The man sneered. I narrowed my eyes, my fists shaking with the dagger in it. I wondered if I could kill him. I knew the answer as soon as I thought it, not with Akihito in their grasps. _

_He gave us some time to ponder his words before finally continuing. "No, she will be the one who decides." He pointed at me. I froze._

"_What do you mean?" Yachiru asked, all confidence drained from her voice._

"_Just what I said. See that dagger in her hand? She chooses who lives. She kills you, Yachiru loved one of the nameless monster, or… we kill this little fatty."_

_The world seemed to stop around me. I nearly dropped the dagger in my hand, but resorted to staring at it, my hands shaking violently. I shook my head. "I won't… are you crazy? I- I -"_

"_Zlorecile…" Yachiru took her hand off of my shoulder and stepped away. For a second I thought she was going to run away but she just turned and faced me. "Zlorecile, do as he says. Kill me."_

_I held the blade out towards her with two shaky hands. I couldn't do it. I took a few shaky breaths._

"_Zlorecile, do it!" Yachiru said, her voice louder. I hesitantly took a step forward, shaking. My breath became more labored._

"_Mo-" And then it happened. Faster than I could blink, Yachiru charged into me, and directly onto the dagger in my hand. It pierced her in the chest, her lungs. She slumped forward and leaned in to whisper in my ear. _

"_Zlorecile... Take good care of Akihito. Marry him and make him happy. Don't tell my love what happened here… and travel north to the soul society… but most of all… be… happy… Zlorecile…" Yachiru rasped out, and then fell to the ground, a pile of blood growing out from under her. I couldn't move. The dagger was still tightly in my grasp, the blade red. The tears I had been spilling back flew forwards. _

"_That's a good girl. Now we are just going to take your innocence, kill the boy and leave. Don't worry we will leave you somewhat alive afterwards so the big brute has someone to kill." The man said laughing and stepping forward. _

_I glared at the ground. "Shutup…"_

"_What's that I can't hear you little girl you need to speak louder so I can hear that pretty little voice of yours."_

"_SHUTUP!" I hollered to the heavens. As if answering my cry rain started to pour down from above. _

_He actually froze and I saw something akin to fear in his eyes. I was pleased by it. I was so pleased by his fear. I wanted to see more of it._

"What happened next I will keep to myself, but the men were taken care of. The man thought that by not only having her killed, but by having someone he figured you liked or trusted kill her, it would be even more devastating. And even if you did forgive me, he planned on touching me like that to make you suffer more. He was smart and cruel."

He just stared at me, his fists clenched. For a second I thought he would lash out and attack me but he only stood up and stormed off, he didn't even say anything, just left; slamming the door behind him with so much force it cracked.

I looked at the door with a blank expression for a long minute. Then slowly my hand made its way to my chest. It felt tight, constricting. It hurt and I did not understand why. Kenpachi Zaraki meant NOTHING to me. I hated him and he only took me in because the head captain told him to… right? Of course. He said so himself that he hated me and that was before I had told him the details of Yachiru's death.

So then, if I meant nothing to him, and if he meant nothing to me, then why did I fell this way now? Knowing that he really hated me, that he probably wanted to kill me… It was too much. I clutched the kimono over my heart and then in a furry tore it from my body. I instead placed on a regular shinigami outfit. I folded all my belongings up, thankful that they all fit in the sack of mine.

Wiping off all the makeup from my face with a rag, I thought about leaving a note to the captain, but decided against it. He wouldn't want that. I shouldered the pack and then exited the captain's room, making sure to leave no trace of me behind.

It was snowing out, and terribly cold. I had suffered from worse though. I sighed. My Zanpakuto at my waist, one sleeping kimono, two uniforms, a kimono, a hair piece and a few sets of chest wraps. All I had to my name.

Walking around the seireitei for a while, I eventually stopped against a wall. The snow was cold as I sat down upon it, but what else could I do. I shivered and wrapped my arms around my legs to conserve energy.

I thought more about Zaraki and Akihito. I wondered if I had felt something for the captain. I wasn't stupid and those nights that we had kissed, the trip to Italy, even the dance at the wedding. I couldn't fool myself. I was starting to feel something for the captain. I shrugged, it was done now and I wasn't going to be upset over it. It was only to be expected to turn out this way. Why the hell my heart developed feelings for someone who hated me was beyond my comprehension.

"Zlorecile?" A voice snapped me out of my muse and I half expected it to be my captain. Of course it wasn't. The extremely sexy captain of the thirteenth approached me with a slight frown. "Zlorecile why are you out here like this? It is dark out and it's snowing to boot."

I stood up and bowed politely before standing back to my full height. I laughed nervously. "Just taking a walked and sat down to rest." I lied.

"With your pack? I won't ask any questions…. But here, I will walk you home." He offered, holding out his arm for me with a kind smile.

I couldn't resist but take it. He was absolutely powerful and gorgeous after all.

"So you are staying in a room in the eleventh?" He asked.

I giggled nervously. "Funny story captain… See I stay with the captain of the eleventh and I kind of got kicked out tonight so…"

Ukitake raised an eyebrow. "You were staying with captain Zaraki?"

I blushed and waved a hand in front of my face. "Not like that captain! I didn't have a room so he let me stay in his room until Yachiru got hers ready for me to move in with her… Now that I think about it it's been a month and her room still isn't ready…" I put a finger to my mouth in thought.

"I see. Well I cannot allow you to sleep in the snow tonight. Come, you will stay with me." The handsome captain grinned at me. I almost went fangirl on him but settled for my heart skipping a beat.

"Captain, are you sure I wouldn't be imposing?" I asked.

The man just smiled politely and moved with me towards the thirteenth division. I looked back, as if waiting for the captain of the eleventh to pop out and go all possessive on Captain Ukitake.

"Zlorecile?" Ukitake tugged gently on my arm.

"Huh? Oh sorry I was daydreaming." I laughed nervously.

"No problem." He had an amused look on his face as he looked back behind us for a second. He smiled and then turned back around.

"Captain? Did you see something?" I asked with concern.

"Nothing at all Zlorecile."


	24. I like you!

Waking up to sunlight instead of the dark was different for me. The sun poured down on my face and I shifted, opening my eyes. I was confronted with white walls and light blue blankets. The pillows were also blue with a brown pattern. It was all down-feather. I wondered for a second where I was.

Then I remembered. The captain hated me, had stormed off. I had left as to not get in his way. Ukitake had picked me up and brought me back to his room to stay while he insisted on taking the guest room.

He really was a nice man. He was everything I would ever want in a man and if I had enough courage I might even make a move on the gorgeous captain.

But as the thought occurred to me, I knew I wouldn't. He was missing something.

"Yeah, his name isn't Kenpachi." I snorted. I rolled my eyes and stepped out of the bed. I was wearing one of my nightgowns. I went to my bag and slipped on a shinigami uniform. Brushing out my hair and putting everything in its place. I shouldered the pack and stepped out of the room and into the courtyard. It was so peaceful here in this division. I felt as if I would fall into a trance and never wake up if I stayed there for to long.

"You are awake." Ukitake called out. I spun around to see him witting with a cup of tea. He motioned to a seat across from him.

"Captain." I bowed, sitting down across from him.

"How did you sleep Zlorecile?" He asked politely.

"Surprisingly well actually." I chirped back with a smile of my own. How uncharacteristic of me.

"I know I promised not to bother you about it, but Zlorecile, I would appreciate it if you told me what was going on." He had a concerned look on his face. I knew right then and there that he cared.

"Captain Ukitake…" I hesitated, not sure why but feeling the need to confess.

"Zlorecile…" He put a hand over mine in a comforting gesture.

"I think I have fallen for my captain…" I admitted. I bit my bottom lip, waiting for judgment on the inappropriateness of it all.

"Have you told him that you like him?"

I looked up and widened my eyes. "No! You see… when I was little, before the captain joined the seireitei, he cared for one person. And I took that person away from him and last night I told him exactly how it happened. He already hated me and this reaction… it was the worst I could have imagined. He just got up and left."

The captain's eyes went soft. "What happened with this person? By taking her away from him, I suppose you mean she was killed? Or perhaps ran away?"

"Killed" I croaked, my voice barely coming out.

"How did this happen?"

I had never felt like this, as though I could trust someone so much. "It was nearly 120 years ago…."

~15 minutes later~

I sat with hands on the table, Ukitake's hands over mine."Zlorecile. From what I hear, it wasn't your fault."

I froze, looking up at him. He just said… it wasn't my fault? Those were the words I had always wanted to hear, but not even Akihito could say them. I narrowed my eyes, not believing him. How could I? I had gone all my life believing it was my fault. It WAS my fault…

"Listen to me Zlorecile. You did not kill her; she thrust herself upon your blade. If she hadn't, Akihito would have died and you would have blamed yourself for that. Either way you were trapped. You may have held the blade, but she plunged herself upon it. In many ways she physically killed herself, but the group of men who attacked, they are the ones who killed her in truth. Even Akihito or Zaraki could blame it on themselves. You are taking the blame for something that is not yours." Ukitake held onto my hands tightly.

I didn't know what to say. "T-thank you… captain… thank you." I sniffled, holding back tears. Ukitake stood up and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug.

We stayed like that for a minute until he broke away. "Now, go back to your division. Confront your captain. If he tries to hurt you count on me to save you. But I have a feeling he will understand."

I had a reluctant feeling, but nodded my head and repeated. "Thank you captain… thank you."

"Oh Zlorecile!" He hollered as I walked away. "The head captain wanted to see you tonight for dinner!"

I blinked a few times. See me for dinner? I supposed I would find out soon enough. "Thank you captain! I hope to see you later!"

"Of course!"

~*V*~

When I got back to the eleventh division around ten, it was oddly quiet. No sound was made. I walked through the hall with curiosity. "Hello?" I whispered out. I looked around and finally spotted a member who was cowering behind a trashcan.

"Hey? What's going on? Why are you hiding?" I asked walking over to him. He put a finger to his lips.

"The cap-"

"ZLORECILE!" Ikkaku hollered, approaching me fast. I widened my eyes. He ran over to me. "Where the fuck have you been!"

I took a step back. "I was with Ukitake…."

"All night? Godammit Zlorecile!" He cursed.

I tilted my head to the side with a bewildered look. "Ikkaku… why is it such a big deal?"

"The captain has been on a rampage looking for you. That's the big deal! All these damn pansies are hiding from him."

That explained the man behind the trashcan. I sighed. "He wants to kill me that badly huh? Tch, I might as well get it over with. Maybe if he beats me to a pulp he'll feel better and leave me the fuck alone." I growled, putting on a tough front.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ikkaku asked confusion on his face.

"You will see soon enough. Just tell me where to find him."

"In the dojo, threatening the men." He groaned, leading the way.

When we got there, Yachiru was watching from the window with a smile as Yumichika tried to restrain the captain.

"C'mon you fucking wimps! Fight me!"

I took this as my cue to step in. "Captain Zaraki…"

Yumichika finally let go of him. He spun around and faced me. His eyes were ablaze. "Zlorecile." He growled.

He stormed over to me and I closed my eyes, waiting for a blow to come. It didn't. I kept my eyes shut tight. After a few moments of silence I let my eye crack open. To my surprise the dojo was empty now. Even Yachiru had left.

God, he really was going to kill me! I gulped and nervously looked around. Didn't Ukitake promise to save me if he tried to kill me? Oh who was I kidding! The captain was on his deathbed as it was. Sure, he could definitely defeat Kenpachi, being so strong, but….

I mentally shook myself. I spared a glance up at the captain.

He reached out for me and I tensed, closing my eyes again. No impact came and I watched as his hand hovered above my shoulder.

"You really are that fucking afraid of me eh?" He growled, no amusement in his voice.

I narrowed my eyes back. "You would be too if you knew you were going to kill you!" I hollered back. I realized that my grammar didn't make much sense.

"Kill you?" He asked.

"Yeah. Kill me! So hurry up and pummel me to shit! It will make you feel better won't it? You single digit IQ dummy! " I hollered, pretence of strength on my face despite my beating heart.

"Whatever." He growled, turning around, his back to me.

"Captain?" I asked.

After a few more minutes a silence, the captain crossed his arms and faced back my way. "Where did you go last night with all of your stuff?"

"To captain Ukitake." I admitted. The captain raised an eyebrow.

"What is between you two?"

I sweatdropped. "Nothing. I was falling asleep on the wall and he happened to walk by. He offered me a place to sleep."

"Why were you falling asleep on the wall?"

"Cause I was tired and had nowhere else to go."

"Why didn't you just sleep in my room like usual?"

I was getting tired of the interrogation. "Look. I left, gathered up all my stuff and then went wandering around. I nearly fell asleep on the snowy ground. Then Ukitake offered to let me sleep in his room while he took the spare. I woke up, we had tea and talked, and then I came back over here and decided to face you rather than be a coward and run away. Ok?"

Kenpachi growled. He reached out and grabbed me by the front of the shihakusho. It wasn't a rough grip, just something to hold onto. "Why the fuck did you leave in the first place?"

"So you wouldn't be bothered by my presence."

"Bullshit. You left because you were afraid of me."

"Y-you bastard! I left so I wouldn't make you feel any worse by being there!"

"Oh yeah? I'm calling your bluff! Why the Fuck would you care how I felt?"

My temper was steadily rising. I was surprised I hadn't tried to punch him yet. He was pissing me off, not believing me. Even if he was the feared captain of the eleventh I was past caring. "You fucking idiot! Why the fuck does it matter why?"

"Cause I want to know why you would ever care! You don't fucking care! You're nothing but a coward with too much pride!" He snarled in my face.

I clenched my fists. Before I could stop myself I had reached out and grabbed the front of his uniform. I put my face close to his and snarled right back. "Why? You really want to know why the fuck I would care ? Put two and two together! I care because I fucking like you! There! I said it ok? I like the one guy who hates me most in this world! So go ahead! Make fun of me; use that to tear me down as well!"

I let go of him. Surprisingly I was not embarrassed, just angry. So angry I was seeing red. The captain's eyes grew wide and in an attempt to take advantage of his surprise, I spun around and attempted to get away.

I wasn't fast enough. Déjà Vu hit me as he grabbed my arm. "Wait."

I tried to pull free of his grasp, saying nothing and refusing to turn around and look at him. He didn't like that. He squeezed a little harder. "Look at me."

I still did nothing.

"Godammit Zlorecile!" He yanked hard, spinning me around. "Look at me."

That was the last thing I heard before his lips crushed against mine.


	25. Mutual

A punch, a kick, a damn beheading! That was what I was expecting, not a kiss. He wrapped his free arm, the one not holding onto my wrist, around my waist and pulled me close. I was too shocked to even respond. My mind had stopped working and yet was going a million miles an hour.

Captain Zaraki stopped kissing me and frowned, disturbed by my lack of reaction. It took me a good few more seconds until I was able to think clearly. When I did I was unsure If I wanted to punch this captain, Kiss him, or cry. I pulled out of his grasp quickly.

"W- what the fuck was that for?" I hollered. I was sure my face was red, but with embarrassment or anger I didn't know.

"What?" He asked almost innocently. I knew that this man was in no way innocent.

"The K-k-kiss!" I stuttered back.

"You didn't like it?"

Not knowing how to respond to that I hesitated. "I…"

"You liked it." He observed.

"Shutup…"

"Woah! Weren't you the one who was just confessing to me? You must have liked it; you didn't even try and draw energy from it."

"I- That isn't… I just… Wait! Why the fuck did you kiss me in the first place?" I tied to regain composure.

"I wanted to see something." He crossed his arms, looking down at me sternly.

"See what?" I shifted under is gaze that always seemed to be looking through me.

"If your feelings were real."

I felt my heart melt for an unknown reason, but brushed it aside to embrace another feeling: the one that made my blood boil. He doubted me? "You idiot! I told you they were damnit! I told you I fucking like you and I meant it! What does it matter if it's real or not anyways?"

"A lot."

"Oh? So you can use it against me? Go ahead. I don't mind. I deserve it! So plan your next move carefully." I glowered, once again trying to put up a strong front.

His eyebrows rose. "My next move?"

"Yeah!"

He smirked, uncrossed his arms before snaking one around my waist. He pulled me close against him. It disturbed me how well out bodies fit together. It disturbed me more that I could think of something like that at a time like this. A time when… ah shit…

His lips crashed down on mine before I could react. A second later he broke the kiss. "_That_ was my next move."

"W-why do you keep doing that?" I huffed, still in his arms. I knew it was a weird reaction to his kiss, but it was either that or kiss him back. I was sure he was doing this to get to me

"Why do you keep thinking I hate you?"

Having to think of that got rid of all romantic feelings. "Why wouldn't you? I killed the only woman you ever held any feelings for…"

"No. You didn't. Yachiru's death was my own fault. I got her and you and Akihito involved. And the only girl I have feelings for is still alive."

I widened my eyes. How? "You? You think it w- wait… there's another girl you like?"

I felt the green monster known as jealousy rise up in me uninvited.

"Yeah. What's it to you?" He smirked again. I tried to decipher the amusement in his eye.

What was it to me? I just confessed to him so of course I would be jealous! But… It didn't matter really. I didn't have a chance with him anyways. I was still getting used to rejection I supposed. I should be used to it though. My 100 year crush had just gotten married the day before.

"Nothing. Just... it wasn't your fault captain. You weren't even there…"

"It doesn't mean anything If I was there or not. If you can blame yourself I can good as well blame myself."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Nor does blaming yourself." He countered.

"Of course it does. I was holding the blade." I protested.

"Which the _bandits_ put in your hands and _Yachiru_ put inside of her and _I_ was the motive. You blaming yourself don't even make as much sense as those."

"It makes just as much sense as those ones do! At the very least they're on equal terms!"

"I thought you said that those reasons were ridiculous." He grinned.

"Of course they make no sense!" I as getting angry at his lack of understanding.

"Exactly! No sense. Those make no sense and your reason makes no sense! You see now? It's all equal!"

It hit me. He had just gotten me to admit that he was just as guilty as I was basically. I turned red, and not because I was STILL in his arms. "You... you tricked me… "

"But you see it now."

"I…"

"Just Shutup and kiss me" He chuckled again. He moved in to me but I moved my head to the side quickly. I couldn't do it. Call me a good person.

"Why the fuck did you stop?" He growled. His eye narrowed.

"You said there's someone you like though…" I mumbled. I didn't want to kiss a man who liked another girl. "So save it for her."

He rolled his eye. "Yeah there's a girl I like. I kiss and touch her all the time. We fight but we always make up. She is a bit of a bitch but is pretty damn strong. She also looks weird, but I find her sexy enough." He laughed.

I took his laughter as making fun of me. I felt bitter inside. I didn't like this girl already. I wondered who it could be though. I knew it wasn't Rangiku or Isane: they didn't fit the description and if it was Rangiku the whole seireitei would know by now. Captain Unohana? He was afraid of her… but she was more than pretty strong.

Tired of the fight, of the mental work, of the rejection, I tried to push out of his grasp. He held on tight. I let out a loud sigh. "Good for you captain. If you will excuse me I need to go. I just remembered I have a meeting with the head captain at dinner and should shower and change…"

"How stupid are you?"

"Excuse me?" I hissed back. Now he was insulting my intelligence?

"I was talking about you!"

I froze. "… huh?"

"You're the fucking bitch I like!" He hollered a little louder than necessary.

My eyes widened but a small smirk played upon my lips. I took advantage of it before what he said sank in. "C-captain did you just... Confess to me?"

"What? No!" He protested eye wide as well.

"I think you did!" It was my turn to grin.

"No I just said I liked you!"

"I th-" He kissed me again, this time no more than a peck to cut me off.

"Just Shutup and kiss me back you idiot." He smirked.

"Yes sir." I smirked back. I couldn't really believe it. It felt like if I thought it was real, something would happen. He would take it back or I would wake up from a dream. Perhaps this was a dream. Wither way I was going to take advantage of it. Our lips met once again, initiated by me this time. He didn't even ask before his tongue entered my mouth. I moaned into the heated kiss as he explored my mouth and played with my tongue. His free hand wandered down to my butt.

Someone cleared their throat. "Um... Sorry to interrupt but…"

I snapped my head to the side. A blush instantly covered my face when I saw captain Ukitake standing at the entrance to the dojo.

"C-captain Ukitake!" I yelped. I tried to move away from Zaraki, but he kept his hold on me tight.

"Ukitake." Zaraki grunted.

"Sorry to interrupt like this but… the head captain actually wanted to see you about now Zlorecile. You see I lied so that you would come and talk to your captain…" He laughed nervously.

I was too happy to be mad at him. "Ah! I should get going then!" I pulled out of Zaraki's grip and he let me go. I bowed to captain Ukitake. As I passed him by, I whispered in his ear. "Thank you captain…"

I walked out of the Dojo with a silly smile on my face. Life could be so sweet sometimes.

I only prayed this was not some sort of dream I would wake up to. I knew that something this unrealistic could not last forever… but if for just a day, just one night I could keep up this perfect feeling. I would survive and be happy.


	26. Akumu

I felt good. I felt fresh and made a mental note to visit Yachiru's grave later that evening. First and foremost though, I needed to go see the head captain. I was halfway there when I realized that I had left my bag in the dojo. I would have to go back and et it later. I also needed to confront the captain about my sleeping arrangements. I originally was sleeping with him until Yachiru's room was ready. That was supposed to only take a few days. It had been a month though.

A whole month. The time seemed to have disappeared and yet so much had happened. I graduated, I moved on from Akihito (almost), I got a seat, and now I was confessing my feelings to my captain? I laughed at that last one. Life sure had changed. Unlike the first division.

The first division always stayed the same. I doubt it had changed in the last hundred years. I walked in, not sure where I should go but deciding that the captain commanders office was best. His office was always bland, consisting of nothing other than a desk and a chair really.

I was admitted into it and walked up to the desk at which he was sitting. I immediately bowed on one knee. "Captain Commander."

"Rise." He granted, standing up himself.

I obeyed. "You called me in?"

"Yes. I want to have a talk with you about some things. If you would follow me." He cut straight to the chase. He walked out the door and I obeyed and followed. I smiled behind his back. Always a straightforward man, but I could feel the raw power he held. Once again I shivered, never wanting to find out let alone think about what it would mean to go up against him.

It was rumored that Aizen had been the only one that ever came close to defeating him, and even he had to resort to some underhanded methods. I wondered if Ichigo Kurosaki could have done that... Ichigo was on a level above any captain though, so I would not be surprised if he put up a fight.

The head captain stopped, causing me to nearly bump into his back. It reminded me of the day we first met and he had become annoyed with my ability to space out. It never went away. I looked around and noticed we were in the first divisions Dojo. It was empty. I raised an eyebrow.

"Zlorecile. Show me your Zanpakuto." He turned around.

I raised an eyebrow again. "Um… Have you not seen Akumu(1) before?"

"I have only heard of it. I would like you to spar with me using him. I would also like you to tap into your stored energy that you receive from feeding as well."

I gulped. Sparing against this man? He wanted me to release the energy I had collected from other as well? "How much of it? I have been storing for years captain…"

"As much as you can without destroying yourself."

I nodded my head slowly. I was always nervous that if he saw something he wouldn't like he would get rid of me… but refusing him would worsen my situation faster than anything else.

I pulled my Zanpakuto out of its sheath at my side. The hilt was a foot long and the blade 4 feet. It was an excessive, ugly thing in my opinion. Its shape was a little different from others. But only in that it had symbols in a language that nobody in the living world spoke and a slight jagged side on the back. I held it out and took a deep breath.

"Those runes." The head captain stopped me. "Do you know what they mean?"

"Huh? These?" I pointed to a collection of them along the blade. "I don't even know what language it is. Akumu won't tell me."

"It is Etruscan. An ancient form of the language that has all but been forgotten a mere 500 years before I formed the academy. I was alive during then. They held some of the first evidence of the swastika. I believe I have a pendant that bears a few actually. Back then of course, the meaning was different."

"So then you can tell me what it means right?" I asked excited.

"It is the title of a story, a legend that we had. Du celobra eom uanen rauthr. It translated to 'the honor of the wandering beauty.'"

"What does this story mean?"

"That is not for me to tell you. Your Zanpakuto spirit will tell you when it feels you are ready." He opened his eyes.

I felt my hopes sink. My Zanpakuto was an emotionless, moody, stubborn teenage boy who loved only himself. He would never tell me at this rate. I hated him! "Yes sir…"

"Now, let me see your release."

I sighed. I held out Akumu. Its white and blue hilt held a single clear gem that seemed to ripple as if the wind had passed through it. I closed my eyes in concentration. I prayed that Akumu was in a good mood and would listen to me today.

"Let the northern winds proclaim your sorrow! Monosabishii Akumu!" I shouted, opening up my eyes. Instantly an invisible wind picked up and swirled my light blue hair around me. The sword in my hand changed to two blades. Each was a uniquely designed trench knife, worn like brass knuckles, but each one had sharp Zigzag Teeth along the knuckles and then straightened into a blade on one end. It was useful for punching, cutting, or even throwing. All together each blade was about seven inches long. (2)

The captain stood without a reaction. He was looking at the plain black blades in my hands. "Now release as much energy as you can."

I nodded again and reclosed my eyes. Tapping into your energy was a weird experience. It was a mental one. I searched my mind, as if looking for a box. In all the dark I found it. A red hot orb in the corner of my mind. It radiated a heat that threatened to destroy if it was all let out at once. I rarely tapped into this, so I was still nervous about it. It was a dangerous power that my father had blessed me with. I prodded the orb again, mentally touching stroking and bending it before removing a peace, a sixth of it. That was all that I could take and be safe. It was a year's worth of energy, or a month's worth of what I got from my captain. I allowed that small orb to blend in with my body.

I reopened my eyes and could feel the new energy. Akumu was practically humming with its warmth. My blades were lit up with an aura. It was that very energy, forming a shell around it. That shell of reiatsu was able to cut through virtually anything but another Zanpakuto. It didn't take much energy either, as it was a part of me.

"Your natural element is wind." The captain remarked.

I nearly sweatdropped. Of all the things he observed, it was that my powers were wind based? It was impressive that he could tell that much from so little but still. It bothered me that he focused so deeply on that over everything else.

"It has been recorded that you have a passive ability, which I am taking is really your energy surrounding those blades." He nodded towards them. I raised my eyebrow, impressed once more, before nodding.

"Show me your two active abilities. Attack me with them." He ordered.

I knew I could never hit him, but attacking him still unnerved him. I had to steady myself for that. I raised the daggers, crossing them over my chest with the blades pointing towards him. I then moved my hand down, shouting "Juha Sho!"

A slicing white wave made of wind infused reiatsu shot towards the head captain. It was nearly three feet long.

The captain held up his cane. They hit it, and to my amazement, didn't cut through it. Usually my attacks cut through nearly everything but… a simple wooden cane? Was it because his reiatsu was making it stronger?

"Again."

"Juha sho!" I sliced my left dagger down. "Juha sho!" I sliced it back up. I swayed a little at the end of that one. Those attacks were small, but held a lot of reiatsu in them. Even with the energy from the demon side of me, it was rather exhausting.

I knew if I used any more I wouldn't be able to use my third ability to its success. It was not fully developed yet and as a result a lot of chakra was last in that third ability.

"Good." The head captain said. He had blocked both of those with his cane as well. I glared at that cane.

"Thank you captain."

"Your last ability." He motioned for me to show it. This was a defensive tactic.

I moved my right hand back as if I was going to punch, but when I jutted it forward, something else happened. "Juha Reppu Sho!"

A massive amount of wind infused with my chakra extended from my right hand. It formed into a white demonic-like claw that covered me from arm down. The claw was large, five feet tall and wife and seven feet long from my shoulder to the end of its fist.

I opened my hand and the extended arm and hand did the same, exposing sharp claws I retracted and extracted my finger several times before getting used to the tickling cool feeling around my right arm.

"Now attack me." He commanded.

I opened my hand all the way and the clawed one mimicked my every movement. I swiped it to the side and towards the captain as fast as I could. I aimed to swipe him aside with it like a ragdoll.

It happened to fast. He put out his hand and grabbed onto the extended hand like it was a pillow. He clutched it and then shoved it to the other side. The spiritual energy and wind slid off of my arm and went flying into the wall he had directed it to. It pushed through it as if the wall was made of water. There was a large amount of smoke that blew up. Just like that, I was made useless. I widened my eyes considerably.

"We are done." He turned away and started walking in the opposite direction. I let my Shikai fade away and slumped against the wall. Thinking that it was all over I took a deep breath and was going to rest for a minute before going back.

"Aren't you coming?"

"huh?" I jumped at the captain commander's voice, which was coming from the doorway of the dojo.

"We still had a dinner arrangement. I made a reservation in my office." He said.

I hesitated. Made reservations in hi- "Did you just make a joke?" I asked, dumbfounded.

A hint of a smile ghosted on his lips, making me break out in a grin. "Captain Commander, I think you just joked!" I hollered. He made no move to acknowledge me, only continued walking.

His office was set up. He motioned for me to take a seat on the pillow and he did the same, opposite of me. Tea was set before us by a first division member. I picked it up and nervously sipped it. I could recognize Lotus leaf and Dragonberries. My favorite. I raised an eyebrow.

My patience was wearing thin. A minute passed and then another and another. The food was brought, a sushi platter. He didn't touch it. I wanted so bad to ask why I was here, and why he hadn't moved. Patience was something I wasn't too fond of. However, I respected the head captain and would wait for him to speak first.

My patience was awarded seconds later when he finally visibly relaxed and picked up a piece of sushi himself and ate it. I followed suit. "Zlorecile. I want to offer you a proposition."

I froze, piece of sushi halfway to my mouth. "Yes head captain?"

"In the living world, there is a man named Shinji Hirako. He is extremely skilled and powerful. You saw his statue did you not?" He reminded me. It seemed like ages ago that he had showed me the captain's hall.

"He has a small amount of experience with demons. He has his own demons in fact. But I made a proposition with him. I asked him to train you."

I set the sushi down. "Captain? I thought he lived in the living world… would that mean he would come here or…"

"You hold power in you, which if exercised correctly, could be a great weapon. I was not lying when I told you that you have the potential to be a captain. I know you are training hard but it is not enough. You are currently at a 4th seat level. So I contacted the previous captain of the fifth"

His words stung, knowing that I wasn't getting strong enough for his expectations. I had been trying my hardest…

"Do not be upset. There is only so far you can progress without guidance. As such, Shinji and I struck a deal. I would train you for the next 6 month using my own methods, and rise you to the level of a lieutenant. Then I would send you to the where Shinji would awaken your Bankai using Ukitake Kisuke's methods. Afterwards he would spend one or two years with you: strengthening its power to a captain's level. You will return to the seireitei, have a month's rest and then be tested. If all goes as planned you should be initiated as a captain in less than two years. This is of course, if you agree. It will not be easy and I do not expect for you to decide right now. But know that I expect a decision soon."

I was beyond shocked. 6 months of training by him? Then being trained for over a year or two by a complete stranger in the living world? This wasn't… it was happening to fast. "Captain, I need time to process all of this… I…"

"Do not worry. However, we will begin training assuming you will accept. This will not be easy either. I expect you to meet me at 6 in the morning in the dojo we spared at earlier."

I scoffed. Sparred? More like I tried to attack but was swatted away like some kind of a fly trying to attack a lion.

"And we will train until lunch. That should give us six hours in the morning. Then from 5 in the evening to ten we will begin training once more. Do you accept these terms?" He opened his eyes. They saw through my very soul and all I could do was nod.

He smiled slightly. "Very well. I expect to see you tomorrow morning. I also expect an answer within the next month."

I hesitated, but nodded. He stood up and I moved to stand as well but he waved me back down. I watched him leave with a dazed expression.

Not knowing what else to do, I popped another piece of sushi in my mouth.

**Key**

1: Akumu means nightmare

2: Imagine Asuma's Chakra blades from Naruto


	27. To get stronger

Zaraki was waiting for me when I got back. I went into the dojo to retrieve my things, but they were gone. Instead the captain was standing in their place. I noticed an uninvited blush rise to my face. I wasn't a timid person but, this man had the ability to make me feel oddly insecure.

"Captain, where's my stuff?" I asked.

"In your room." He growled.

"huh? My room?" I raised an eyebrow. I had a room?

"Yeah. The fourth seat's room."

"Whoa! Ok captain! Sleeping with you as one thing but there is no way in hell I'm sleeping with your fourth seat. He always looks at me weird. Gives me the creeps." I shivered, remembering the ugly brute of a man. Definitely an eleventh division member…. No offence to the eleventh division.

"God, you really are stupid huh?" He growled and rolled his eyes.

That made me glower. "What the fuck…"

"You're the new fourth seat. You're stronger than that wimp was. Of course, Yumichika is still considered a higher rank than you, but you have control of the rest of these shit heads." He looked out the dojo window and towards the shinigami who were attempting to fight.

"Oh… ok." Was all I could say. I laughed nervously. "Thanks I guess."

"Whatever"

"So Captain could you show me to the room?"

"Tch, fine." He turned around and started stalking away. Then he stopped. "Kenpachi."

"huh?" I stopped as well to prevent running into him.

"Call me Kenpachi."

"Um… OK Kenpachi?" I felt like blushing, hearing his name from my mouth like that.

"The room's this way." He stomped off towards the barracks as if nothing had happened.

The room was bland. Nothing more than a bed with a mattress and a dirty nightstand. A light bulb was hanging in the middle of the room. The light wooden floors were filthy and the walls looked… inhumane. I sighed. Not what I was expecting, but with some work it may turn out nice.

"Zlorecile! Captain!" A voice gushed. I sweatdropped.

"Yes Yumichika?" I asked, seeing how the captain just grunted.

"Here!" He yelled, arriving at the door. He pointed to the two people besides him. Yachiru and Ikkaku.

"We've come to save you Coldy!" Yachiru yelled beneath a pile of boxes and bags.

"Fuck." Ikkaku cursed beneath a pile that was higher than Yachiru's. I noticed Yumichika didn't carry any.

"What's all this about?" I asked.

"The captain told us about this room and I thought it would be absolutely ghastly to have something so beautiful shrouded by such filth. So we all volunteered to take care of it for you!" He gushed.

"Oh, thanks?" I asked, a little afraid of what this man would do.

"Yes! Now you two go have fun while I take care of this! Come back in four hours! That's all we will need." His face and voice suddenly grew dark as he held his Zanpakuto out in front of his face. "Bloom, Fuji Kujaku"

I took that as a cue to leave. I didn't really want to see what he was going to do. I grabbed the captain's sleeve and tugged on it. "C'mon ca- Kenpachi. I need to talk to you about something…"

He shrugged and followed me out. We walked to the courtyard and sat on the steps. I watched the recruits and unranked members train. I sighed.

"So, the reason why the head captain wanted to see me... He wanted to see my Zanpakuto release and how my other powers affected him. He told me to attack him. I swear a fly would have a better chance of killing a lion." I laughed.

"Why the hell did he want to see you and your Zanpakuto?" He raised an eyebrow.

I shrugged. "I am not sure but afterwards he sat me down and we had a long talk over lunch. He offered me a proposition."

"Yeah?"

"Well. He wants to train me for the next six months, starting tomorrow and then…" I hesitated continuing.

Should I tell him? What would he say? Would he want me to stay? Would he care… he would right? After what happened this morning. But if he did… would that affect my decision? I wanted to make this decision based on what was how I felt. Even if I did leave. It would just be a year.

"Then he would decide if I was progressing at the right rate and we would go from there."

"Tch. He seems to have faith in you." He grunted.

I smiled. He did. And I refused to let that faith down. I would become strong for the captain, and strong for Akihito and the captain and Yachiru. I peered at the captain. "If I left, would you care?"

The captain rolled his eyes. "Don't be getting all mushy on me Zlorecile."

"Yeah…" I mumbled, looking away with a blank look. The sun was a few hours away from setting, and it sparkled as it danced across the snow that was uneven due to the training recruits and members. "Hey Kenpachi if I went away for a while what would you do?"

"That's a stupid question." He grunted.

"Just tell me." I said, my voice distant.

"I'd wait for you to return." He shrugged, standing up.

The corners of my lips turned up slightly. "promise? If I had to leave for a year or two you'd wait for me?"

"Yeah yeah. I promise. Why the weird questions though?" He cocked his eyebrow.

I shrugged. I was feeling better now. He would wait for me if I left? In that case… I think that I knew the right path to take. Yes… I knew.

"I dunno. Hey captain do you have any goals in life?"

"Why would I need something so damn useless? Live for today, not for some other day that you might never see."

This was what I respected about Kenpachi. Sometimes this brute of a man could be stupid… REALY stupid. But other times he had a wise side about him that nobody knew where it came from. It was ironic, odd. It kept me interested him at least… "You may be right but I think that a goal helps you progress further, become stronger. Well… it depends on the goal I guess. If it's a bad goal it could bring you down and make you weaker and cruel. That's what you probably saw with the three traitor captains those ten years ago… With Gin, Tousen and Aizen"

"What's your goal?" He asked.

I smiled softly. "I have a few butt, more than anything I want to prove my existence."

"Prove your existence?"

"Yeah. That's what I've always wanted to do. I want to prove that I existed, that all of this really happened. I've tried to do it several different ways. At one point I even thought that the only way to was to kill everyone but myself." I admitted. I didn't feel any shame for it though. I had outlived that shame.

"But I learned that that wasn't the way to do things. So now… I want to become strong. I want to prove my existence through my name in the books. I know that wanting power can be dangerous, but it's the only way I can prove that I am alive. Hopefully along the way I save enough lives to atone for the number I have killed. It may take a few centuries to do that though."

We sat in silence for a minute when I finished talking. The captain was staring at me, but not with a judging eye. He seemed interested. "How many lives have you taken?"

I let out a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I don't know. I mean, I don't even remember that time well. It was only ten years but… I killed everyone I fed from and everyone who wanted to fight… and everyone who so much as looked at me wrong. If you do the math… even the people I fed from considering I have to feed at least three times a week… the number is more than I want to think about."

"I've killed to. Obviously." He scoffed. "Its part of who we are Survival of the fittest. But killing is different from having a casualty from fighting."

I nodded my head, I understood his words. A loud noise was made as I let out another breath. The sparing members caught my attention again. "Well… Ima go spar with some of the recruits! Later Captain!" I stood up and waved over my shoulder as I ran out to the field. I knew my real practice would start the next day but couldn't get rusty now could I? I needed to get stronger after all...


	28. And so the Training Begins!

**I dont own anything**

** bffaaitf : AH! Thank you for catching that typo for me. It's usually around midnight when I work on these chapters lol.**

**Warning: This chapter has slight smut_ (nothing more than kissing really)_**

* * *

The blue Japanese style bed flexed in as I sat back. I stared at the white walls for a long minute, trying not to collapse and fall asleep where I was. Yumichika had gone all out on my room that was for sure. The wooden floor looked mopped and brand new, decorated with a fuzzy black carpet at the foot of the bed. The curtains to the large window besides the door were replaced with grey curtains. There was now a pretty grey dresser and matching desk. The grey desk had a pure white fuzzy beanbag chair. But The part of the room I liked best was the miniature fridge that Yumichika had brought in. It was stainless steel and had a small compartment for frozen things. I grinned to myself, I was going to have to stock that baby up. In truth, it wasn't food that I was hungry for, but I didn't even have the energy to find another victim to feed from. I did need something to set my nerves straight, I was afraid of having another... episode. Too bad I couldn't bring alcohol in…

Why no alcohol? Well, today had not only been the first training session with the head captain, but he had also set down some rules. Diet rules more specifically. No soda, no alcohol, no ice cream… basically nothing but home cooked healthy meals. I glowered at the thought. I couldn't even have any dumplings! He said that the unhealthy foods wasted important nutrients that my body needed, or would make me drowsy once the initial high of sugar wore down. That was time and resources lost that I could have used for training. In addition to those rules, he set a "bedtime" I was to be asleep when I got home around 10 (he would let me go 15 till so I had time), and then wake up at five… FIVE in the morning! So I cold shower and stuff… I was going to die! But, he did tell me he wanted me to get an hours nap sometime in the middle of the day. Also I was expected to meditate with my hater Zanpakuto for an hour on my own every day.

The ground rules were bad enough, the training session was brutal. He immediately made me do these weird exercises that made me want to quit after ten minutes. I didn't think that I was out of shape but… he made me feel like the vice captain of the second! That was the first two hours. The second two were spent working on my Hand to hand and Shunpo. The last two were spent on my sword skills.

Whoever calls the head captain an old man has obviously never tried to land a hit on him? IMPOSSIBLE!

So that's where I was. My stomach growling but in too much pain to even move. I leaned back some more and my arm flung up to protect my eyes from the glare of the sun that just so happened to pass through my window at noon. I stayed like that, allowing myself to take that one hour nap…

* * *

I would have overslept, I knew that, if it wasn't for a large captain and his pink haired lieutenant. Yachiru had jumped on top of me, waking me up, and was grinning widely. She had a box in her hands.

"Vice captain… do I want to know?" I asked, looking from the box to the large captain.

"Ungrateful…" Kenpachi murmured to himself.

"Yumi made it for you!" Yachiru cheered, getting off of me and flinging the box under my nose as soon as I sat up.

The smell of Teriyaki chicken, rice, and salad made its way to my nose. My mouth watered. I usually wasn't a fan of cooked foods but… I was so damn hungry! I took it without question along with the pair of chopsticks attached to it. "How did you guys know I was hungry?" I asked between mouthfuls.

"I trained with the old man once…" Zaraki mumbled. That was enough explanation for me. I continued to eat in silence, nodding occasionally to something that Yachiru ranted on about.

I placed the box down when I was finished eating, patting my belly with content. "Man. Let me tell ya, that guy deserves to be head captain. I went at him with everything I got and he made me look so pathetic! He said I was strong but I don't know anymore…" I sighed. I was a little down about it all.

"Even I can't get a hit on the old man." Zaraki mumbled low, but loud enough for me to hear.

"I can!" Yachiru suddenly yelled.

I raised my eyebrows. "Huh?"

"What?"

"You can hit the head captain?"

"Of course not coldy!"

"Then why did you say you could?"

"Cause Ikkaku was just shouting around for someone who knew how to fix a broken finger" She put a finger to her lips. "Hmm, I think Ima go help. Later Coldy, Later Kenny!" She disappeared… out the window.

"She does realize I have a door…" I mumbled, shaking my head in exasperation.

"That would require too much work."

I just nodded my head absentmindedly again. "Well, thanks for the food but I need to try and meditate with this stupid Zanpakuto." I grunted, motioning to the 'stupid Zanpakuto' that was besides me on the bed.

"Fine. I'll see you later." Came the almost unrecognizable growl as he left the room.

I smiled softly at his retreating form. But my smile fell as I looked back at Akumu. Better get this over... I picked him up and set him over my lap, closing my eyes.

I didn't open them up until I felt sand brush against my cheek. My inner world was a little plain. It was endless night. There was nothing as far as they eye could see. No stars, prevented me from seeing the ground. The win here was always moving. I took a deep breath and looked around no moon. The ground was shrouded by ever moving black sand that went up to my knees and, waiting for My Zanpakuto to show himself.

"Looking for me?" A hoarse voice whispered into my ear. I shivered, not wanting to turn around. "You found me."

I took a step forward and tuned around. A male about my age was standing before me. He has pale skin and short, spiky hair that's blood read. His light green pupiless eyes stared me down, his furrowed forehead lacking any eyebrows. They were one of his more recognizable traits. There was another noticeable trait though. Akumu sported raccoon-like black eye rings around his eyes.

His outfit was a little different. Full-length baggy trousers with two strings on each led that gave them a more baggy look. A long sleeved crimson coat with flaring hemlines on the front and back kept out the sand. One of the last touches was a grey holster vest held in place by a single strap over his shoulder and to buckled belts. Despite the moving wind, his hair never moved.

Akumu and I had a strained relationship. It wasn't always like that though. There was a time where we got along quite well. But not now. He never explained to me why but he suddenly grew cold with me when I joined the seireitei. I knew that so long as we didn't get along, my powers would stay at a mediocre level at best. I suppose that the captain sensed that and wanted me to get stronger by straightening our relationship.

"Yeah… um… how are you?" I asked, unsure of what to say.

He sighed, looking into the horizon. "Why are you still here?"

"Cause the head captain told me I should try and talk to you more…" I shrugged. I was sure that he already knew that.

"No. Why are you still _HERE. _Why are you in soul society? What could it possibly have for you now that Akihito is gone." Akumu's voice was soft, and there was an underlying emotion in his eyes.

"I…" His question had caught me off guard. I honestly didn't know how to respond. "There are people here who want me. Captain Zaraki for example…" I mumbled, looking out to the horizon.

"He'll leave you." Akumu mumbled. "He'll desert you and hurt you. Just like Akihito and Yachiru. They all leave."

I felt my temper rise a little with that. "What do you know? Huh?"

"I know as much as you do, more." Came the emotionless reply.

Clenching my fists, I spat back. "You don't know anything Akumu! How can you be so sure that I'll just be hurt?"

He sighed. "Have things your way. Make us both suffer when you hurt again. You're selfish Zlorecile."

My expression grew saddened. I looked down at where my feet would be was it not for the sand. "Akumu… I won't get hurt. I promise you..." I insisted.

"Go away."

"Akumu! You used to trust me. Trust me again when I say that I know what I am doing."

"You're leaving. He will move on."

I closed my eyes. "No he won't. He told me himself that if I went away he would wait."

"Whatever you say." He glared, turning his back on me. "Leave. I don't wish to talk to you anymore."

I bit my lower lip but nodded anyways, disappearing. If he needed space I would give it to him, lest he kick me out. I opened my eyes. That had only taken about 15 minutes…

Oh well, more time for me to sleep!

* * *

I met the head captain back in the dojo at 5. He tried to teach me Kido, but after deciding I had no aptitude for that, he used the first three hours up teaching me how to use my Zanpakuto release better. The next two used on manipulating the energy I sucked from others, and the last hour was focused on mental play: Strategic analysis, teachings of how the seireitei worked, and why. It was boring If you ask me, but worth it.

By the time I got back, I was more tired than I could ever remember being. I stumbled into my room, undressed and crawled towards the private bathroom with a wooden tub. It was large, but all that I cared about was getting in it.

I sank into the water, soaking my bruised and tired body. I had just started to relax when It came.

I hadn't had one for nearly a month now, so I thought I would be safe. Apparently not. My hands flew up to my head as the pain started. That all-too-familiar sensation that seemed to course through my veins and infecting my whole body. It was too much. I let out a low hiss, teeth clenched to prevent me from screaming.

"Zlorecile?" Kenpachi knocked on the bathroom door.

I groaned. "-ay… go… go… a-way…"

He didn't. The door opened. I would have blushed if I wasn't in so much pain. I knew it was a bad idea, waiting so long to feed. It had been nearly 3 days and with all the energy I had exerted in the training and unlocking the power I had over the energy I sucked form others.

"You fool…" The captain mumbled, but his voice was softer than it normally would have been. I felt two strong arms pick me up and hold me against a firm chest. I clutched onto the robes of my savior so hard my knuckles went pale, my head was buried into him.

"Nnn" I hissed, trying to breathe but unable to go any air in my lungs.

The large captain walked out the bathroom and to my room with a grunt. The mattress on my bed caved in slightly from the weight of both of us. I curled up into a ball but a hand on my chin stilled me. The captain turned my head over to face him.

And then I felt his lips on mine in a deep kiss. Almost instantly the pain started to dull and my head cleared. My hands wound themselves into his hair, which I noticed was down and slightly wet. He moved himself so that he was on top of me, and I shifted over so that I was lying directly beneath him. I sucked on his tongue and he returned the favor. He didn't break the kiss for nearly 15 minutes, after I had finally opened my eyes, staring into his black one. The pain was gone now, and that familiar feeling of lust in its place.

He trailed kisses down my neck next, causing me to arch back and wrap my legs around his neck. I stopped taking energy from him, allowing me head to clear completely. I didn't try to stop the captain as he kissed my neck, nor as he began to suck and leave marks which I knew would last for a while.

"Kenpachi" I grunted, wrapping my legs tighter around his waist. He surprised and frustrated me by stopping. "Captain?" I mumbled, opening up my eyes.

He was looking at me with foggy eyes. Slowly they began to clear and he sighed, getting up off of me. He grabbed the blankets and covered me up with them.

I frowned. Had I done something wrong.

"Why d-"

"Not tonight." He grumbled. "Not yet."

He shut the door on his way out. I looked at it sadly. Why did he stop like that? That didn't make any sense. I was perfectly willing so then… why did he not continue? Was he mad at me? Was he lying when he said he didn't blame me? Why?

With a frustrated moan I fell back on my bed, and despite the new energy coursing through me, despite the confusion i was feeling as to why he suddenly left, I was so tired I managed to fall asleep.


	29. The end is too soon

"Again." The commanding voice of the head captain shouted.

My fist shot forward, the wind infused chakra arm and hand moving with it, towards a tree. It cut off before I reached it. The moon glistened off of me. Sweat was pouring down my face in an ugly fashion, making my silver hair stick. My shihakusho had become too hot for me even in the middle of the night, so now I was training in the baggy pants that came with the uniform and my chest wrap.

I bent over, hands on my knees, trying to regain my breath.

"Again." The head captain shouted.

I shot him a small glare but stood back up swaying slightly and shot my arm out again. I didn't even have the strength to mumble the command, just brought the power forth without it. It quivered out and only managed to form into the hand before shutting off.

"Again."

I reached out again, bending over and trying to stand. The wind swirled around and in front of my arm, and then gave up.

"Again! Try harder!"

I felt anger boiling inside of me, but just held my hand back up. Wind gathered around my arm for only a second before it was gone.

"AGAIN!"

I tried my hardest to summon something, but I was done. A light breeze passed over my arm but that was it. I was done…

"Again."

"NO!" I shouted back. "We've been doing this for the past hour and a half. There's nothing left!"

"I started training you nearly a month ago. Your endurance is pitiful." He shook his head.

Those word stung, and my eyes narrowed. "Then maybe you were wrong! I'm not going to get as strong as you think. You should find someone else to train then!" I turned and started walking off the field.

The head captain opened his eyes. "You aren't trying hard enough."

I spun back around. Anger was coursing through me. I had enough of this. Of being called weak, of being told I wasn't strong enough, or that my effort wasn't good enough. Instinctively I went into my own mind and pushed that button. It was the little orb that contained the power of my demon. I had become more and more accustomed to releasing it so it was coming quite natural to me.

I glared daggers at the head captain. "Not trying hard enough? I'm exhausted! I haven't received a single break this past month. Look at me now! I'm exhausted and about ready to collapse! Or is this," I shot my fist forward in a bout of anger, I let the spiritual energy infused wind jut out without even muttering the command, forcing it towards the tree he had me trying to reach earlier. I closed my fist around it and yanked it up in a fluid movement, throwing it across the field. "Is THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO BECOME! TO DO!" I growled out, much like a feral beast. I had had enough.

I reached for another tree in the field and delivered the same punishment to it. Then another and another. "THERE! IS THAT ENOUGH? NO! I'M SICK OF THIS!" I shouted as loud as I could, cutting off the power and falling to my knees.

"If you were really trying, why didn't you use that power in the beginning? You only release it when you get mad. You need to learn to use it when you are rational as well. Take advantage of it." He looked down at me.

I sighed and felt my anger dispersing. Of course the head captain had some motive like that. He was that sort of man. I fell back on my back and let out small huff and a gruff laugh. "I'll try my hardest from now on then. I really want to get stronger…"

He nodded. "You are progressing at a quick pace. You may be sent to the living world sooner than I expected."

I nodded my head and stood up to leave.

"One more thing…" He said.

I turned around with a lifted eyebrow.

"Have you told anyone you're leaving?"

"No… I tried to tell Kenpachi, uh I mean captain Zaraki, but I didn't get around to it." I looked down. I should tell him soon…

"Don't tell him." The head captain looked at me sternly. "Don't tell anyone why or when or even that you are leaving."

I tilted my head, not understanding. "Why not?"

"I'll keep that information to myself."

Always aloof. I bowed. "Very well head captain. I will see you tomorrow?"

"I will be busy tomorrow so take the day and spend it with your captain. We will resume on Monday." With that he disappeared in a shunpo that was quicker than any member of the second division.

With the fact that I could not tell anyone weighing heavy on my mind, I retreated to my room so I could shower and fall asleep. Sooner than we originally thought I would be leaving…

* * *

I took the captains advice and the next day I spent it with the captain. We hadn't spent much time together. In fact we only saw each other on nights when I needed to feed and occasionally for lunch

So sitting like this, on the front step of the headquarters, was pure bliss. Nobody was around. I kept peaking at the large man besides me when I thought he wasn't looking. The silence was comforting, but I was feeling a little antsy.

"What?" Kenpachi raised an eyebrow.

Damn, I was caught. "Nothing." I blushed and turned my eyes away.

He reached over with two strong hands and picked me up, setting me on his lap as if I was nothing more than a pillow. I let out a small yelp, but didn't really complain. With red cheeks I leaned back against him.

"How's your training? Strong enough for me to fight yet."

I let out a small laugh, closing my eyes and just enjoying being so close to the captain. "Definitely not. He said that when I release my stored energy, I'm at a third seats level. He wants me to be at a vice captains level before-" I cut myself off, remembering that I wasn't supposed to say anything.

"Before what?"

"Not sure. I guess before he decides if I'm worth something." I covered. I didn't like keeping secrets from Kenpachi, but would do it if I needed to. I took a deep breath. He smelt like cedar.

"I see." Came the near intelligible grunt.

"Hey Kenpachi, where's Yachiru?"

"She went on a mission with Ikkaku."

I turned my head and smiled up at him. "Almost everyone is gone today huh?"

His frown turned into a smirk. "Yeah."

My eyes wandered from his eye to his lips, and I wasn't hungry for spiritual energy.

The captain didn't even need a hint. He leaned down and captured my lips with his. I wrapped my arm around his neck, bringing our lips closer together. It was a deep kiss, with none of my power lacing it. This was just us, and the feeling of lust I felt coursing through me was from our feelings and nothing else.

His free arm tightened possessively around my waist, our kiss deepening and only breaking when we need breathe. His muscles moved and I could tell that he was about to try and take this elsewhere.

Before I could think of whether or not I wanted to take this elsewhere, a polite cough interrupted us.

I broke the kiss with a start and tried to regain my composure as if I had not just been caught making out with my captain and was not still on his lap because the stupid oaf of a man would not let go of me!

We both turned our heads and my eyes widened slightly. I forgot that Akihito had a month and then was to return to the division. He was blinking between the two of us. I could feel Kenpachi stiffen beneath me, as if he was threatened. I patted his leg reassuringly.

"Akihito." I greeted politely.

"Zlorecile. Captain Zaraki." He bowed in return.

An awkward moment passed but after some heavy eye contact Kenpachi let go of me and I climbed off of him, the both of us standing up.

"Welcome back kid." Said the captain as he patted him hard on the shoulder. "I'll have Ikkaku check out how rusty you got later."

"Thank you for taking me back like this captain." Akihito bowed again.

"We can always use strong members." Said captain turned to me. "I'll find you later."

I internally groaned. GREAT! He was practically throwing me to the sharks. He turned to leave and I turned around back to Akihito. I was stopped by a hand on my wrist. Kenpachi yanked me back around and crashed his lips onto mine as if to say: MINE.

I smiled against his lips at his antics. He let go and walked off as if nothing had happened. Keeping that smile on, I finally turned back to Akihito. "How was your honeymoon?"

"Good" He mumbled, though his facial expression made me wonder. "So... you and the captain?"

I smiled. "I suppose so."

"How long have you been dating?" He raised one of his perfect eyebrows.

Hesitating, I didn't know how to answer. Were we even dating? I should ask him that later. "We discovered our feelings for each other about a month ago."

He nodded absentmindedly. "I see."

A silence filled the space that was between us, rather uncomfortably. I tried to judge my feeling, but it was weird. My heart was feeling a slight pang, but nothing unbearable. Not that feeling you get when you are freshly heartbroken and unable to breathe. I would probably be like that if it wasn't for Kenpachi and all my training keeping me busy.

"Well… It was nice talking to you but I need to go and take care f some things. Catch you later." I excused, turning around, but not before catching Akihito's facial expression. He looked so lost and helpless standing there. It brought another pang to my heart.

_Don't look at me like that Akihito…_

_Please…_

* * *

Avoiding Akihito was easier than I thought it would be. Or perhaps that was a lie. I was so distracted that I only saw Kenpachi and Yachiru at lunch. It was like that, without a single day of rest, for the next three months. I honestly couldn't even tell you if I was improving or not because I was too tired at any given moment.

"Yo! Zlorecile h-" Someone had made the mistake of putting their hand on my shoulder, and always on my toes thanks to the head captain, I reacted badly.

Next thing the both of us knew the bald third seat was on the ground in front of me, having been swung over my shoulder. I gasped.

"Ah! Ikkaku! I'm so sorry!" I bowed, helping him up to his feet. He groaned and glared at me.

"What the hell has the head captain been doing to you to make you so jumpy!" He growled, rubbing his back.

I smiled sheepishly. "A lot of training that's for sure. But… did you need anything? The head captain gave me the day off but wanted to talk to me about something, I was on his way to catch meet him."

"Yeah I was going to ask you," Ikkaku paused, rubbing the back of his head. "How'd you're training coming along? What power level are you at?"

I bit my lower lip, not sure what to say. I honestly didn't know what level I was at. "Pretty high. Not captain level though, that's for sure."

"Will you fight me?"

I was taken aback. "Why?"

"I've run out of worthy opponents."

I smiled to myself. Worthy opponents huh? That was a huge compliment coming from this guy. "Sure. Just come get me and I'll kick yer ass anytime!"

"Tch, as if a puny woman like you could defeat me."

I laughed. "Oh? Didn't I have you down beneath me earlier?"

He raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You did. Care to repeat that position later to-"

I slapped him upside the head before he could finish that sentence. "Pervert…"

He laughed. "Only for you. Later Zlo."

I watched him wander off with my smile still present. I knew that none of Ikkaku's teasing was genuine and it was because of that that I would tease him back and put up with it. Zaraki didn't seem to mind either, as he understood that nothing could ever happen between the third seat and I. We were more like brother and sister than anything else. And Yumichika and I were more like sisters. I chuckled a little to myself at that, making my way down to the first division.

As always, I knocked three times, entered, and bowed on front of his desk.

"Rise." Commanded the head captain. I did so and stood there for a minute as the head captain said nothing.

"You have progressed at a rapid pace for the past four months. This past week however, this progress has halted. Until you achieve Bankai, you won't be able to progress any further. Do you understand what this means?" He opened his eyes.

I looked at him straight. "Yes sir. I understand."

He picked up a piece of paper. "You will be given the rest of today and tomorrow to prepare to leave. The morning after next you are to report to me at six in the morning sharp."

"So soon…."

"There is no reason to wait. Will you be ready by then? You do not need to bring anything besides absolute necessities."

I looked away. He was right. I should get this over with as soon as I can. "I will be in your office by six o'clock two mornings from now."

"Good. You are dismissed."

I bowed and turned to leave. I didn't know what I was feeling right then.

"And tell no one of this." He reminded before I disappeared in a Shunpo.

I needed to let this sink in and fast for I did not have much time. I knew this day was coming but… was I ready? Kenpachi and I had been getting along well. Would he really wait one to two years for me? Was I really willing to leave like this? Was there no other way?

I knew the answer. No. I needed to do this, for myself. I would talk to Kenpachi and see if he was willing to wait. I needed to see what we were. Yes.

I would pack tonight, and spend tomorrow with him.

I hung my head and entered my room to start preparing. I just didn't know what I was feeling..

Packing was a slow process, but to me it seemed to go by much to quick. I didn't have many possessions that I needed to take. Clothes would be provided. I only took a few pretty little trinkets I had collected over the years. The most important item was the mask that Kenpachi had gotten me when we went to Italy. I smiled softly at the memory. Yes smile… keep your promise to him and smile.

I put the last item in the bag and then shoved it under my bed so nobody would notice. Then, I lay there on my bed. The sun was setting, and I was sort of glad I didn't have any interruptions. I needed to think things over

I was leaving for up to two years to live with others I did not know.

I was leaving someone I cared about behind

I wasn't able to tell them.

They might think I ran away.

What if he doesn't wait for me?

What even are we?

Who am I going to feed of off?

Surely the head captain will tell him eventually why I left...

I was pretty sure I was going to miss them all.

I really had grown attached to the division these past 4 months.

One more day was all I had…

So many thoughts flew through my head in such disarray that I found it hard to keep track. Eventually, the thoughts overwhelmed me and it all calmed down into a buzzing. It was early, but I found myself exhausted mentally

I guess that I was going to have to take a rain check on that spar with Ikkaku. He would forgive me right?

Though it wasn't Ikkaku's forgiveness I was most worried about.


	30. Wait for me

The next day I visited Yachiru's grave. I was silent for the first hour sitting in front of it. I wasn't expecting anyone to interrupt me at 6 in the morning but just to make sure, I was a little more alert. After the initial hour I spoke up. "Hey Mom…" I chose my words carefully. "I have some good news. I'm getting stronger. The captain says I'm at a third seat level. Also… I like Kenpachi. It's funny how things turned out.

Another sigh floated from my lips and I looked over at the bare grave. "Sorry I haven't gotten you a proper statue. When I get back it'll be the first thing I do. You can count on it mom." Leaning back my eyes went up to the sky. It was cold but all the snow had melted and the sky was clear A few clouds drifted by. "So tomorrow I'm leaving… I bet you wouldn't believe what's happening to me. I don't know this Shinji guy, but the head captain seems to trust him. That puts him good in my book."

The moment stretched on, turning silent as I lacked the will and words to continue. Another hour passed like that in what seemed like only a handful of minutes. Picking myself up I dusted off my uniform. "Well… looks like it's time to go. I'll see you in a few… years." Lowering my voice to a whisper as I turned around. I wouldn't cry. This wasn't a permanent goodbye. I would be back soon.

I was surprised by how late it was when I returned to the 11th division. I had a few things to do, and it was already 9. First thing was first. I needed to stop by the 10th. When I walked up to the captains office I hesitated before I knocked three times and walked in. The captain was at his desk over a stack of papers and his lieutenant was sleeping on the couch. "Good morning Captain Hitsugaya. " I bowed.

"Zlorecile? What brings you here?" He asked over a cup of tea.

I pulled a white envelope out of my shihakusho. "Um… this. It's payment for the next four months." I felt bad that it was all I could do but I had emptied my savings for it.

He reached out and took it. "Why don't you give it to me in payments?"

"Um… well I'll be busy for a while. So this was just easier." Laughing sheepishly to avoid the truth, I looked at his lieutenant.

"I see. Well don't forget payments. It's 25,000 yen interest per year. " He cleared his throat and turned to the paper.

I blinked. Maybe making that deal was a bad idea. Especially considering how I just racked up a 50,000 yen bill automatically. At least. "I see… well don't worry! I'll have all the money soon!" I grinned and turned to go, stopping before I left the room. "And Captain… thank you for everything."

When that was over I walked to the 13th division. I found Ukitake sitting down by his garden and drinking tea. His 3rd seats walked me over to where he was. "Captain" I bowed just as I had with Hitsugaya.

"Zlorecile. Sit. Sit." He motioned across from him and called a cup over. I took both courtesies and sipped gently at the tea. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Can't I say hi to one of my only friends?" I teased, looking at his face. He smiled at me and I almost blushed. Yes I was with Zaraki but this guy just had a charm that could make any girl swoon. "I just wanted to stop by I guess. I owe you a lot you know. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't be with Kenpachi right now.

"Nonsense. It was meant to be. You guys look oddly good together." He took another small drink of his tea and then set it down. "You didn't just come by to say hello did you?"

Oh great… he was doing it again. That thing that made me want to just pour my heart out. Swallowing to regain myself I shook my head. "Why would you think that captain?"

The twinkle in his eyes showed that he was seeing right through me. "Just a hunch. This wouldn't have anything to do with your leaving tomorrow would it?"

I spilt tea on my shihakusho. "W-what? Of course not captain! I'm not leaving. I'm s-"

"Relax Zlorecile. The head captain spoke to me of the matter."

I frowned. I thought nobody was supposed to know. "Oh… well… in that case yes. I mean I am at rest with my decision to go I just… will miss everyone."

He nodded his head in understanding. "But you will see them again soon. You must focus on your training and nothing else. Be at rest with leaving and departing from your loved ones for a while."

I took in his words with care. "Captain Ukitake… do you think Kenpachi will wait for me?"

His expression changed to something more serious. "I wish I could tell you that, but I cannot. Don't worry so much about it though. Only time can tell. "

Knowing he was right once more made me nod. If having wisdom like that was what it took to be a captain I wasn't sure if I'd ever fit in. What if I disappointed everyone? What if I couldn't obtain Bankai? What if shinj-

"You're worrying again aren't you?" Ukitake observed.

I nodded my head sheepishly. "It's hard not to…"

He stood up and motioned for me to do the same. "Come. Join me for a walk in the garden to ease your mind."

~*V*~

When I was done with Ukitake I felt much better. Fresh almost. My decision had been the right one and I knew that this was my fate. Staying here would do nothing for me. I spoke to Ikkaku and Yachiru for an hour each and then went off to find Yumichika. I caved when he insisted he do my hair. Consequently it was seven when I was done with everything. At least my hair looked fairly nice. I didn't have much time left to spend with my captain. With Kenpachi.

I found said man on the porch of his office, staring up at the sky. It had that gray haze as the sun had just set. "Hey Captain." I greeted, sitting down beside him.

He glanced at me and then back towards the sky. "No training today?"

"Nope… got the day off." I confirmed. I noticed in his hand he had a bottle of Sake and a cup. "Pour me some?"

"I thought you weren't allowed to drink that stuff."

"Special occasion." I nudged him, he poured me some and I drank it. It was strong and not too pleasing but I kept it down. I heard him laugh and rolled my eyes. "So got any plans tonight?"

"Why would I?" He shrugged, looking out once more.

I bit my lip, shrugging. Slowly leaning over until I was resting against him I sighed. "You should stop working out so much. You're too hard. Not a good pillow."

His chest rumbled when he chuckled. "I just might. There's nobody around here to fight me. I keep trying to get Kuchiki but the prude's a prude."

My own laughter met his at that. "Sounds rough. Maybe you should petition to visit Hecco mundo See if there's any Vasto Lorde's out there for you."

The look in his eyes made me rethink what I had just proposed. He probably would do it… "Hmm… yer pretty smart girl."

I laughed. "My best trait." Silence engulfed us as I hummed. This moment didn't seem too much different from all our others. It made me a little sad to be honest. I always thought it would be more intense. I suppose you only read about those in fairy tales.

So we joked around for a bit. We talked about recruits and fighting styles and food. Everything under the sun until the moon was out and we'd lost track of time.

"Well… I should be getting to bed. I have to get up early tomorrow." I sighed, standing up and brushing my pants off.

Kenpachi stood as well, pocketing the empty sake bottle and cup. "Yeah."

We walked together until we got to my room. I bowed to the captain and then straightened myself. "So… night…" I mumbled, turning around.

Kenpachi grabbed my arm with a sigh and turned me around to face him. He bent down and pressed his lips against mine in a hard kiss. Then he walked away. I smiled and touched my lips. That was nice at least…

My room was bare. All of my possessions were in a small brown bag. I was ready to go. I lay down in my bed, my arms behind my head and thinking. The alarm clock read 4:30. What now? Was that it? A conversation and kiss and then nothing?

I couldn't leave it at that. Standing up I slipped on a sleeping kimono and checked myself in the mirror. My hair was still done up from Yumichika and I kept it that way. I didn't need any other help. I walked barefoot outside until I reached the large room for Zaraki Kenpachi. The door opened silently and I snuck over to his bed. He was sleeping without his eye patch and when I breathed through my mouth I could taste the spiritual energy. Tempting. But that wasn't why I was here. "Captain." I nudged his shoulder.

He stirred but didn't wake. Bending down I whispered in his ear. "Kenpachi."

"mm?" He mumbled. He wasn't exactly awake but he was getting there.

"It's Zlorecile." I rubbed his shoulder.

This time he opened his eyes and rolled onto his back. "You have a good reason for waking me up?"

Not even holding back my smile, I nodded. "I think so."

He looked me over and then raised an eyebrow. "You hungry?"

I took a deep breath and steeled my nerve. Worse thing that could happen would be rejection. That was pretty bad but… I chose not to dwell on it. Instead I moved and climbed into the bed, straddling his waste and looking down at him. He seemed confused but wasn't protesting. "Kinda…" I mumbled, bending over and kissing him.

He returned the kiss as he always did. His eyebrow lifted when I didn't take energy from him. He was the one who broke the kiss. "What's going on?" He asked.

Instead of responding I moved my hands to his sleeping yukata and started to untie it. He stopped me by placing his larger hands over mine. "Zlorecile?"

I turned red. "What?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

Rejection bubbled up in the back of my mind. Why? Why didn't he want to do this? "I'm…" Suddenly I didn't feel like continuing. Kenpachi had refused a little while ago so why did I think he would have changed his mind? Sighing I moved away. "I don't know what came over me. Just forget this."

Right as I climbed off of him, Kenpachi did his signature move and stopped me by grabbing onto my arm. "Zlorecile." He frowned, looking at me. His eyes studying my face carefully.

"What?" I snapped. I shouldn't have done that and regretted it immediately. Kenpachi didn't do anything wrong and he didn't deserve my anger. "Sorry."

The silence that engulfed us was awkward until Kenpachi pulled me towards him and lifted me on top, pinning me down against him with his strong arms. I blinked. What was going on?

"You idiot." He grunted.

"Huh?" I couldn't see his face but I could feel the amusement. What had I said?

His hand went to my chin and lifted it up. Next thing I knew I was kissing him again. I didn't question it but just went with it. "You stupid girl." He broke the kiss to say before resuming.

"Why do you say that?" It was my turn to end it for a few seconds.

"You always think yer going to get rejected." He slurred, moving his kisses to my neck.

Suppressing a shiver I retorted. "How do you know?"

His lips turned up against my skin. "Cause I'm smart."

Now a lot of people would disagree, but Kenpachi had his moments. At times he actually could use his brain. Well… maybe not his brain. It was more like animalistic instincts. "I bet…"

He used his strength to flip us over as he towered above me. "You sure about this?"

I smiled. I was more than sure. My last memory of the soul society for two years would be this. "Positive."

"It's gonna hurt. I ain't a gentle person." He warned. I almost laughed at how he was trying to throw me off.

"I care about you Kenpachi. I wouldn't want anyone else to beat you to me." That seemed to do it. There were no more protests from either of us.

He said it would hurt, and it did. The pain was a different sort. Numbing but pleasant. The most beautiful pain I had ever felt. That night was one that I would never forget, not even if I lived a thousand years and then went crazy.

I was also amazed at the energy I got from it. It was passive. I wasn't even trying to take energy but it just flowed from him into me. In fact, I had to focus on trying to lessen it. At the rate I was going I might have even drained Kenpachi of spiritual pressure by the end of the night.

It lasted an hour and a half, and when it was done Kenpachi flipped onto his back. He was breathing hard and I knew it was not just because of the physical activity. I had drained too much energy from him. It felt like half a year's worth compared to the weeks' worth I normally got to him. If I hadn't focused on tying it back he may not be breathing. And that scared me.

"That was… different." He mumbled, looking over at me.

I blushed. It was part of my… condition. Just as kissing was heightened, so was everything else. I sat up, wincing slightly. "Yeah… it was nice though…"

He nodded in agreement and rolled over on his side. Taking the hint I snuggled into his arms and put my head on his chest.

"I'd say we should do it again but you sucked me dry. In both ways." He laughed.

I hid my face, not wanting to think about it like that. "Just go to bed."

He patted my back. "Yeah. Wake me up before you go train."

"Goodnight Kenpachi…" I sighed, kissing his cheek and then closing my eyes.

I didn't sleep. I couldn't. There was so much energy coursing through me and just waiting to be released. I felt ready to run a marathon, not sleep. This was too much. That combined with the reality of what just happened… I bit my lip and glanced towards the clock on his dresser. 5:50.

I frowned. So soon? I needed to get to the senkaimon… and I needed to do so fast. But I would be leaving Kenpachi. Refusing to cry, I pulled myself out of his arms and looked down. He looked tense even when he was sleeping. His eyes kept moving around anxiously. It was as if he knew I was leaving him for a while. "Kenpachi…" I mumbled. I wouldn't wake him. "I like you a lot… I may even love you."

Bending down I kissed his cheek. "Wait for me Kenpachi… please."

And then I left.

To the head captain.

To the senkaimon.

To my new life for the next two years.

A life without Kenpachi.

* * *

A.N.

YES! The last chapter. Of this story. I will be working on a sequel soon! Thank you for sticking with it up till now! And for forgiving all my terrible grammar v.v

~Zlorecile.


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